Welcome to Fantasy Week at WTOP.com, where we’ll be rolling out fantasy football related content to help you with your draft strategy, team names and more.
Hello, friends, it’s that time of year again.
We’ve been doing this every year since 2015, and we’re back with a fresh new set of safe-for-work options that hopefully you haven’t stumbled upon already. Yes, there will be puns.
And Drew Lock
Who did brilliant quarterback guru John Elway manage to get to helm his team in Denver this season? It’s, uh, it’s (cough) Joe Flacco (cough). And Drew Lock! No, not Andrew Luck. Just Drew Lock. At least he wasn’t a first-round pick.
2/9
Ashburn Training Staph
The NFL awarded the Burgundy and Gold the Ed Block Courage Award for best training staff since last year. Since then, two quarterbacks have broken their legs and not returned to health, their top draft pick tore his ACL and, a year later, still hasn’t returned to contact drills, and their best offensive lineman is holding out after a dispute over his treatment.
Eli Apples to Apples
If we’re going to make fun of the ‘Skins, we’ve gotta take some shots at division rivals, too. Former Giants first-round pick Eli Apple was suspended by the team, then eventually traded to the New Orleans Saints, where he promptly collected two interceptions, double his career total in, well, the Big Apple (or New Jersey. Whatever).
Fiscal Kliff Kingsbury
What exactly is a fiscal cliff? “A situation in which a particular set of financial factors causes or threatens sudden and severe economic decline,” according to the dictionary. Like, say, giving a four-year deal to a new head coach who had just been fired from a college job where he never won more than eight games? Then selling low on last year’s “franchise quarterback” to draft an undersized Heisman Trophy winner first overall with a contract that guarantees more than $35 million? Like that?
Keke Coutee Do You Love Me
Get it, because Drake.
Kerryon My Wayward (John)Son
Did I consider leaving the parenthetical off to avoid the potentially fraught extra layer here? Sure. Should you? Probably depends on how many of your co-workers play in your fantasy league.
7/9
Marquette Kings Landing
Who left behind more fire and destruction — the former Oakland punter or the dragon lady from that show? Why argue, when you can incorporate both etherings into your team’s name.
Mr. Jones and Me
This one requires the photo above to be used as your avatar. It appears that Eli Manning isn’t taking Daniel Jones under his wing as much as he’s assimilating him like the Borg.
ToeJam and Earl Thomas
Thomas may have been better known for his fingers than his toes last year, but his arrival in Baltimore gives us a chance to dust off this ’90s video game pun.
