Oscar Rewrite: 1999


Best Picture: American Beauty

Best Director: Sam Mendes (American Beauty) The Wachowkis (The Matrix)

Best Actor: Kevin Spacey (American Beauty) Bruce Willis (The Sixth Sense)

Before you say, “Whatchu talkin’ about Willis,” consider this. The Sixth Sense is the only 1999 film to make the AFI Top 100. While we remember Haley Joel Osment’s chilling child performance and M. Night Shyamalan’s shocking twist, Bruce Willis was the rock carrying both.

Best Actress: Hilary Swank (Boys Don’t Cry) Eihi Shiina (Audition)

Takashi Miike’s Audition remains one of the scariest f’n things I’ve ever seen, and it’s all due to the creepy performance by Eihi Shiina, who auditions to become a widower’s new wife.

Best Supporting Actor: Michael Caine (Cider House Rules) Brad Pitt (Fight Club)

Best Supporting Actress: Angelina Jolie (Girl, Interrupted) Julianne Moore (Magnolia)

Best Original Screenplay: American Beauty Being John Malkovich (Charlie Kaufman)

Best Adapted Screenplay: Cider House Rules Office Space (Mike Judge from his own TV shorts)

Um, yeah, I’m gonna have to ask you to give Adapted Screenplay to Mike Judge for bringing his Melvin animated shorts from SNL to the big screen in Office Space. Don’t jump to conclusions, but wear plenty of flair. And if we could all talk like Bill Lumbergh for the rest of time, that would be greaaaat.

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