2020 NFL Week 13 Recap

Cowboys 17
Ravens 34

Minutes before kickoff of a Tuesday night game, Dez Bryant warms up on the field alongside his Ravens teammates but gets scratched from playing against his former team because of a positive COVID test. The league’s best kicker misses a gimme field goal at home. This might have been the most 2020 game of the season yet.

Dallas needs to blow this team up sooner rather than later. The Cowboys had twice as long to prepare for this game (12 days, versus Baltimore’s six days) and scored half as many points as the Ravens, who easily rushed for 294 yards against the putrid Dallas defense. The Cowboys are literally playing like an expansion team and if they can’t win Andy Dalton’s return to Cincinnati, I’m not sure where they win another game this season.

Bills 34
49ers 24

It’s fitting this game quasi-shared a national stage with Washington because even as Josh Allen took shots at the NFC East his Bills took a step closer to winning the AFC East by snapping their Washington-esque 21-year drought on Monday night. I’m not sure it erases the sting from the Hail Murray they gave up in the same stadium two weeks prior but it certainly has them feeling good about the prospects of another signature primetime win over Pittsburgh next week.

Washington 23
Steelers 17

Even with another rough first half, Washington pulled off the biggest regular season upset in NFL history to not only steal the Giants’ big blue thunder but keep pace with New York for the NFC East title. Stunningly, the Burgundy and Gold are on the brink of sweeping what we previously thought was an impossible road gauntlet (Dallas, Pittsburgh, San Fran) — wouldn’t it be something if the Alex Smith Comeback Tour includes beating the team that drafted him?

For Pittsburgh, it sounds like playing without the pressure of perfection is somewhat of a relief. It certainly doesn’t help their bid for homefield advantage to lose to Washington for the first time in 29 years but if the Steelers renew their focus and play loose from here on out — and, you know, not have any more games postponed three times — it might actually be better for their Super Bowl hopes.

Broncos 16
Chiefs 22

Even with a stunning red zone drought and two long Tyreek Hill touchdowns that weren’t touchdowns, Kansas City staved off Denver’s upset bid and clinched a playoff berth thanks to a dominant night from Travis Kelce, the first tight end to post five straight 1,000-yard seasons. Some may see the Chiefs’ four straight close victories as weakness, but I see a team that can still beat you without its “A” game.

Patriots 45
Chargers 0

Man, this isn’t even funny anymore. It just feels like piling on the poor Chargers.

The Bolts suffered their worst home loss in franchise history, giving up two special teams touchdowns to unlock another level of football hell previously believed to be unattainable. At this point, firing coach Anthony Lynn would be a mercy.

On the other sideline, “Blowout Bill” Belichick put a stop to Justin Herbert’s record-setting pace — which was absolutely necessary, since the Pats offense almost got as many passing yards (61) from backup Jarrett Stidham’s three attempts as Cam Newton’s 69 yards on 19 throws. Even as Cam became the first quarterback with double digit multi-rush TD games, it’s growing obvious New England will go in another direction in 2021.

Eagles 16
Packers 30

As if his glaring yearlong decline didn’t warrant this move sooner, Carson Wentz finally got benched for Jalen Hurts, and Philly’s offense showed some signs of life for the first time in recent memory. The fact that one offensive touchdown counts as signs of life for an awful unit that calls to mind the days of David Carr says all you need to know about the Eagles offense.

Meanwhile, Green Bay’s offense looks unstoppable with Aaron Rodgers — fastest QB to 400 career touchdown passes — dropping dimes and Aaron Jones running circles (almost literally) around defenders. The latter has yet to get 20 carries in a game this season, and the Packers should probably give him more totes down the stretch.

Giants 17
Seahawks 12

Yes, this score is correct.

In the upset of the day (and perhaps, the week), Big Blue became the first NFC East team this year to beat a team with a winning record — and did so with Washington castoffs Alfred Morris and Colt McCoy, who got his first win under center since … his last improbable road win six years ago. The Giants may be on the brink of some dubious history, but they might actually be kinda good.

Rams 38
Cardinals 28

So far, Sean McVay beating Arizona (7-0 in his head coaching career) and Kyler Murray getting shutdown by the Rams (0-3 with six turnovers) is right alongside death and taxes. Since the Cardinals have to face the Rams again in L.A. Week 17, that might spell the end of the Cards’ playoff hopes.

Browns 41
Titans 35

In true 2020 fashion, the matchup between the top two rushing teams ended up being Baker Mayfield’s statement game, which started with a franchise-record four first-half touchdowns en route to another franchise-record 38 points before halftime, and ended with Baker dropping a perfect Schrute-ism on his unsuspecting public. Cleveland has playoff fever, and the only prescription is … well, not finding a way to screw it up after clinching its first winning season since 2007.

Bengals 7
Dolphins 19

So let me get this straight: Mike Thomas delivers not one, but two vicious and unnecessary hits on Jakeem Grant yet isn’t among the five players ejected for the ensuing dust up? What in the name of Tim Donaghy is that?

But Miami may have won in more ways than one. Dolphins players saw how Brian Flores wanted all the smoke — just the type of sequence that galvanizes a team for an unexpected playoff run.

Raiders 31
Jets 28

Just watch the video. Emmanuel Acho is all of us.

The Jets say they don’t want 0-16. Their play says otherwise. That mindnumbingly terrible blitz call should ensure this is Gregg Williams’ last defensive coordinator gig, and it sounds like his players agree. (Update: It absolutely (and rightfully) got Williams fired Monday.)

But don’t let Vegas off the hook, here. The Raiders defense entered this game giving up points on 50% of their drives — worst in recorded history — and allowed the first Sam Darnold touchdown pass since Week 3, one of four scores out of 10 drives for the last-ranked Jets offense. We can chalk this up to the Silver and Black being forced to play back-to-back games at 1 p.m. on the East Coast, but this isn’t a real playoff contender if they finish the season anything worse than 4-0.

Saints 21
Falcons 16

With no Brees but lots of cheese, New Orleans became the first NFL team to clinch a playoff berth, and Taysom Hill actually looked like a real quarterback for the first time. At least one half of my Super Bowl prediction doesn’t look insane.

Colts 26
Texans 20

Houston fans deserve Deshaun Watson, but the Texans organization (as currently constituted) does not. I can’t think of another quarterback in NFL history who so immediately regrets signing a lucrative contract extension.

Lions 34
Bears 30

Chicago’s fraudulent 5-1 start has evaporated to 5-7, and Matt Nagy has no idea why. Add this to the list of reasons the Bears will have a new coach in 2021.

Meanwhile, a “jacked up” Darrell Bevell apparently has the same impact on the Lions as Mountain Dew has on Ricky Bobby’s boys. Detroit finishes the season against four playoff contenders, so perhaps some more “Shake N Bake” in a game or two down the stretch gives him a shot at the full time gig.

Jaguars 24
Vikings 27 (OT)

Jay Gruden and Kirk Cousins again sharing space in an NFL stadium? What could go wrong?

Mike Glennon’s Chantilly magic wasn’t enough to pull the road upset, and Minnesota now finds itself in the playoff picture as the 7-seed. A 3-1 finish to the season should be enough to ensure they stay there.