For much of our lives, our parents seemed to have all the answers. They were in charge, and they always knew what to do and how to fix the problem. For many adult children, however, there comes a time when their parents need them to step up and help them make good decisions and plans for their future.
Opening the conversation isn’t always easy — who wants to admit they need more help or have to make some significant changes to their lifestyle? But “it’s crucial to have open conversations with your parents regularly where they feel comfortable expressing their desires and concerns,” says Dr. Billy Zhang, an internal medicine physician with Providence St. Joseph Heritage Medical Group in Irvine, California.
You can also involve a health care professional or a social worker in these discussions to identify aids and forms of assistance they may not be aware of, such as mobility aids or mental health support, he adds.
[READ: Taking Over Affairs for an Aging Parent in Mental Decline.]
Topics to Cover When You Talk With Your Parents
These discussions should cover the following five major areas and include lots of open-ended questions, allowing your parents to think through their options and express their preferences for how they want to age on their own terms.
You’ll want to be sure to ask about their:
1. Health care preferences
2. Driving safety
3. Personal values and beliefs
4. Finances
5. Legal documents
1. Questions About Health Care Preferences
Age often brings significant health challenges, and for many older adults, considering how their health will change over time can be the most complex aspect of planning for the future.
You can start by discussing their preferences for living arrangements and health care services, Zhang says.
Questions to ask an aging parent about their health care preferences may include:
— Do they prefer to age in place at home?
— If they want to remain at home, are they open to having a home health aide visit a few times a week or even daily as needed?
— Would they prefer to move into a senior living or assisted living community?
— What treatments and interventions do they want if they become seriously ill?
— What support do they want as they near the end of life, such as hospice or palliative care?
— Who do they trust to make important decisions for them if they’re not able to do so for themselves?
“These are difficult, but important, questions to start thinking and asking about when our loved ones are well,” Zhang says.
[READ: How to Manage Sibling Conflict Over Care of Elderly Parents]
2. Questions About Driving Safety
Driving safety is an important area to work through early. Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that drivers age 70 and older have higher crash death rates when compared with middle-aged drivers.
“Physical limitations can be difficult to acknowledge, but placing safety limits on when someone should stop driving is important,” explains Dr. Lauren Southerland, associate professor in the department of emergency medicine at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus.
Your parent may need to stop driving because of:
— Medical problems or physical conditions, such as arthritis in the neck that can make it difficult to turn the head freely
— Dementia
— Coordination difficulties
“Even mild dementia can make driving very risky,” Southerland says.
Regardless of the underlying reason, if your parent is frequently getting lost or having minor car accidents, such as hitting poles or stationary objects, those are signs that a bigger car accident is more likely and it’s probably time to stop driving.
Questions to ask your parent to open the discussion of whether they’re safe to continue driving include:
— Do they often get lost when driving?
— Can they see traffic lights, street signs and crosswalks well?
— Have they had any minor accidents recently, including hitting a stationary object?
— Are they comfortable driving, or would they rather someone else do the driving?
Talk with your parent’s health care provider or use an online driving assessment tool, such as the one offered by AAA, to evaluate whether your parent is still safe to drive. You can also seek a professional assessment from an occupational therapist who specializes in driving assessments for older adults.
3. Questions About Personal Values and Beliefs
Discuss with your parent what they value and how those values influence their future goals.
For example, essential questions to ask your aging parent in consideration of their personal values and beliefs may include:
— Do they have spiritual or religious needs that aren’t being met?
— How do they define good quality of life?
— What do they want to do if their quality of life declines?
— What type of funeral or memorial services do they want?
— Do they want to be cremated, buried or honored another way?
— Have they considered who they want to have their most valued possessions, such as family photos, heirlooms or jewelry, after they pass?
[Read: How to Help Your Elderly Parents Start Decluttering and Downsizing]
4. Questions About Finances
Senior care can be expensive, so it’s important to get an understanding of your parents’ financial situation before they need care. Ask:
— How do they intend to manage their finances later on, and whom do they trust to help them with this?
— What are their current expenses, and are they likely to change in the near future?
— What debts do they owe, or do they have any other financial liabilities that need to be addressed?
— How much care can they reasonably afford on a monthly basis and for how long?
— Where are they storing their financial documents, and who has access to these accounts?
When considering financial resources, options could include:
— Income from a pension or retirement fund
— Property
— Trusts
— Checking and savings accounts
— Investments
— Insurance products, such as life insurance or long-term care insurance
Understanding your parents’ financial situation can help you manage their finances effectively and ensure they’re prepared for future care, Zhang says.
“Discuss options like trusts, which might offer financial protection and help manage assets efficiently,” he adds.
5. Questions About Legal Documents
You should also talk with your parents about the need to obtain legal documents. Ask whether your parent has the following documents in place already:
— Do they have a durable power of attorney drafted and a personal representative or executor designated?
— Have they drafted an advance health care directive or a living will?
— Have they designated a health care proxy and arranged for them to have authorization to be involved in their care?
If they don’t have these key legal documents in place, it’s definitely worth consideration.
“Consider discussing these documents with a lawyer to ensure everything is in order and legally binding,” Zhang recommends.
And it’s worth pointing out there are ways to draft these documents so that your parent can protect their ability to make their own decisions and advocate for themselves while they can.
These documents “can be worded to take effect immediately or only take effect if the person is incapacitated in some way. That way, your loved one makes their own decisions until the point where they can’t, such as if they have a stroke or develop dementia,” Southerland explains.
The idea is to draft a solid plan and designate a decision-maker for the future before it becomes necessary.
Having Difficult Conversations With Aging Parents
Discussing plans for end of life can be difficult for many people, but it’s important not to shy away from it, as delaying these discussions can make the situation much more complicated if your parent suddenly needs more care.
“No one wants to have to make quick decisions for their older parent or loved one during an emergency and without understanding their goals,” Southerland notes.
One helpful way to have these conversations is to find a quiet time and place, and decide what events would trigger the need for a change, such as a move from living independently to assisted living.
And Zhang advises approaching these conversations with sensitivity and empathy.
“As uncomfortable as the topic may be, it’s one that carries serious implications and value when loved ones may no longer be able to share their wishes,” he says.
When discussing these matters, listen actively, validate their feelings, offer support and respect the fact that they are adults whose preferences matter.
“Encourage involving all relevant family members to ensure everyone is aware of the plans and can support them,” Zhang adds.
It can also be helpful to research senior care options in your local area to make informed decisions. You can begin your search with U.S. News’ 2025 Best Senior Living ratings for local options.
And remember, this isn’t just one conversation. You’ll need to keep lines of communication open with your parent and revisit these questions and others as their needs change. It should be an ongoing conversation about how best to support them as they age.
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Important Questions to Ask Your Aging Parents originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 09/11/25: This story was previously published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
