Text messaging is, as all parents are aware, a wildly popular mode of communication for teens.
Face-to-face communication can sometimes be confusing and result in misunderstandings and bruised feelings. Imagine, then, the difficulty inherent in decoding text messages, which lack nonverbal cues. Couple these sorts of ambiguous messages with teen sensitivity, and you have a recipe for minor and major problems. Text messaging is a shallow form of communication, yet it can often be a source of significant distress for teens.
Since teens are going to text, it’s important for them to be savvier about sending and interpreting text messages. Here are some ways you can help your teens as they grapple to understand text messages, the tone of those messages and ultimately their friends:
1. Explain to your teens that people use text messages for different purposes. Some of their friends may text as a way to connect, while others may simply want to exchange information. So, if a friend responds to a message with a short answer that provides only information about plans, this doesn’t necessarily translate into a rejection or a dismissal. Just as their friends behave differently in other areas of life, they also text differently and for different reasons.
[Read: When Your Teen Won’t Stop Sexting.]
2. Encourage your teens not to overthink text messages. Sometimes a message is simply an attempt to convey basic information and nothing more. So, a text that says, “good night — I’m going to sleep now” does not need to be translated into “I am not interested in talking to you.” In my experience, text messages that are intended to be positive or neutral in tone are often interpreted as negative. Explain this to your teens. This will spare them from lots of agonizing.
3. Advise them to clear up confusion. If your teen is unclear about the tone of a message and seems distressed, encourage him or her to seek clarification from the friend. This will be less time-consuming and far less stressful than spending lots of time coming up with all sorts of possible interpretations.
4. Give emojis the thumbs up. Encourage your teens to consider using emojis at the end of their messages to help clarify the tone. There are so many fun emojis to choose from that they can use to lighten things up. A thumbs up at the end of a message can soften and clarify a neutral message.
5. Suggest teens use their phones to make calls, too. I love the idea of encouraging teens to pick up the phone for the purposes of making a call (a low frequency event), say, to a friend if they are confused by a message they’ve received, or if they want to clarify texts that they have sent. Encourage them to practice developing the skills necessary to hold a polite phone conversation. It’s important for kids to have some phone skills.
[Read: How to Keep Teens From Turning Their Smartphones Into Weapons.]
6. Limit the time your teens spend texting. I know that this may seems like a Herculean task, but you can do it. Develop text etiquette rules in your home and certain non-texting times and places, when and where no one in the household texts, like at the dinner table. Your teens may be more present in the moment if they’re not texting. Additionally, they may enjoy a break from the tedious back-and-forth of text messaging.
7. At night, have teens charge phones outside their bedrooms. I have seen more than one sleep-deprived teen who was up until 3 a.m. texting with a friend. This will be a tricky expectation, because most of teens are using their phones as alarm clocks. But so that the temptation isn’t there to be on the phone late into the night, I suggest getting a traditional alarm clock instead.
8. Randomly monitor your teen’s texts. This suggestion doesn’t make me popular, but I continue to make it. That’s because doing this helps parents keep up with what’s going on in their kids’ lives outside the home. Let them know that you will be doing this. They will complain that their privacy is being compromised. Explain that it’s your parental responsibility to be aware of what is transpiring in their lives. Expect pushback, but forge ahead.
9. Be a texting role model. I assume that you want your teen to limit the frequency of texting so that it doesn’t take over their lives. Take a good look at your own texting habits. If you’re constantly texting, then you’re in no position to encourage your teens to limit their texting. Monitor and be mindful of your own habits. Remember that you are your teen’s most important role model.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
10. Encourage teens to spend phone-free time with their peers. When your teens have friends over, consider encouraging them to put their phones away so they can interact without staring at screens. After all, learning how to read social cues in a nuanced manner occurs by observing others in real time, not by texting.
While making these changes might not be easy, remember that even protesting teens may be quietly grateful for the lessons you teach and the limits you set.
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10 Ways to Help Teens Be Savvier About Texting originally appeared on usnews.com
