Somewhere in Arlington County, Virginia, there’s a safe house for members of households affected by domestic violence. Eleven beds await spouses or partners, children or other family members at risk. In back is a kennel for pets of fleeing families.
“Our shelter is for folks who are fleeing imminent danger,” says Christa Carlton, director of domestic and sexual violence programs with Doorways for Women and Families, a nonprofit community service group. “The abuse has escalated to a point where we’re concerned someone is going to end up in the hospital.”
Two safe apartments in other locations provide shelter alternatives when the main house is fully occupied, the abuser lives too close or for individual family reasons. “They’re totally confidential locations,” Carlton says. “We’re not permitted to share them with anyone, not even law enforcement.”
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When people reach out to the program, the staff carefully evaluates their level of danger from violent partners, taking known risk factors — including threats of homicide or suicide, access to weapons and strangulation incidents — into account.
“Abuse escalates during pregnancy, so is there a pregnant person in the home?” Carlton says. “Has any of the abuse extended to a pet or to a child? Is there escalating violence? Is the person abusive in a public setting?” Stalking, extreme jealousy and substance abuse with unpredictable behavior also indicate potential for danger.
Meticulous planning throughout is essential for a safe transition. Household members at risk often flee to a local family or friend first. However, they can’t stay there more than a day or two because the abuser will likely find them. “So then they call us from that location,” Carlton says. “And we make a plan for them to come into our shelter.”
Other times, people call directly from the household of abuse. “We can’t establish immediate safety, so we make sure people know that law enforcement is a resource if a situation escalates and they need emergency assistance,” Carlton says.
If possible, people gather their vital documents, medications and irreplaceable items before leaving. Depending on the location, the cab provided for their escape might have to be rerouted to ensure it’s not being followed. “If the children are in a different place, we need to make sure they can get to us safely,” Carlton adds.
Lengths of stay at the shelters vary. “Some folks come in just a few days for some peace after there’s been an incident,” Carlton says. “Then, maybe, they’re going to go back and try the relationship again.” Other residents might stay up to six months before they obtain permanent housing.
Women are not the only adult victims of domestic violence in need, Carlton points out. “We’re inclusive,” she says. “We have certainly served men in our safe house. Transgender folks are welcome. Any identity is served.”
About one in four women and one in seven men in the U.S. have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner at least once in their lifetime, according to the most recent National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Unemployment, lower income or minority group status are among demographic factors tied to higher risk. Younger couples are more often affected. However, violence between partners also occurs among older couples and people from any socioeconomic or racial/ethnic group.
Irene Brantley is the program director for Women In Transition, a Philadelphia agency that runs counseling programs, including a hotline for women grappling with domestic violence or substance abuse issues. The program serves about 2,500 people yearly.
Nearly half of those who call fall between the ages of 35 and 44. “Almost 75 percent of them have experienced or are experiencing domestic violence,” Brantley says. “In our demographics in Philadelphia, about 70 percent of our clients are African-American women.”
By the time a woman reaches out to the hotline, she’s probably already been through a series of incidents. “Then one thing sort of puts her over the edge,” Brantley says. “It could be this person has been abusive to her but then threatened her child or threatened her parents.”
Women In Transition is part of a collaboration of four domestic violence programs in Philadelphia. Two safe havens exist in the city, Brantley says. Each has an overall 100-bed capacity to serve at-risk partners and children.
“The reality here in Philadelphia is the shelter is full a lot of the time,” Brantley says. “So we have to safety plan for shelter and we have to safety plan for the next 24 hours. Part of what we encourage callers to do is: Use what you already know. Callers have managed to be safe up to this point, despite some horrendous situations.”
Planning ahead is crucial, Brantley emphasizes, rather than waiting for an emergency to ask for help. “Let people know what’s going on,” she says, as in telling neighbors: “If you don’t see me for a day or so, knock on my door.” Planning might include having code words with children in the event they need to be awakened in the middle of the night to get out safely.
Coming forward is difficult for women survivors who may face disbelief, victim-blaming and being judged by others. “It’s a big misconception that it’s ‘her fault’ she’s in this situation,” Brantley says. “We have seen some of the most powerful women come through these doors. Domestic violence is just one part of their lives — it’s not who they are as people.”
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Deborah Capaldi, a senior scientist at the Oregon Social Learning Center in Eugene, Oregon, is the co-author of a systematic review of evidence synthesized from dozens of studies evaluating adolescence and adulthood factors involved in intimate partner violence. Substance abuse — drugs more than alcohol — is a “substantial” risk factor. Dating couples are at higher risk than married couples. Separated women are the most vulnerable.
Women are slightly more likely than men to perpetrate intimate partner violence, Capaldi says. More injuries occur in couples when physical aggression goes in both directions. However, as forms of violence become more severe, women are more likely than men to be hurt and sustain serious or life-threatening injuries.
Capaldi has also conducted studies that directly observe how couples interact. “A lot of these younger couples have a very physical interaction style,” she says. Minor aggressions, such as light slapping, quick little kicks or poking or pushing might be seen as “kidding,” she says, but they can predict a higher likelihood of overt violence and injury.
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If you need help, the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 is available to callers 24/7. To find a shelter near you, click on domesticshelters.org, an online, searchable directory of nearly 3,000 programs in the U.S. and Canada.
Anita Hildreth is the executive director of Theresa’s Fund, the nonprofit group which hosts the Domestic Shelters website. If you feel intimidated or unable to rationally, safely and calmly express your feelings without fearing that your partner will verbally or physically abuse you, she says, then it’s time to leave.
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What Is a Domestic Violence and Abuse Shelter and How Do I Find One? originally appeared on usnews.com
