Wracked with grief over the loss of her beloved pit bull mix, Lola, Anne Folan coped by writing and donating.
In March, a veterinarian told Folan that Lola, 12, was suffering from an inoperable form of cancer. Folan, a devout Catholic, hoped and prayed that she and Lola would have one more Easter together. Lola made it to Good Friday, when it was clear to Folan that it was time to have her companion euthanized. Folan held Lola as she took her final breaths.
That day, Folan, 55, of Fredricksburg, Virginia, wrote a heartfelt email, which she sent to about 20 close friends who had known Lola. “I am deeply grateful to all those who loved Lola and have been so kind to me during these past difficult weeks,” she wrote.
The email included two photos of Lola gazing into the camera. She looked adorable.
[See: Is it Healthy to Sleep With Your Pets?]
Folan took inventory of the several medicines she’d been giving Lola — such as pain meds and tick medication — and came up with an idea. Folan and Lola had spent months at a time in Savannah, Georgia, where Folan has family. Many people in the town are working-class to poor and cannot afford medication for their pets.
Folan called the town veterinarian and asked whether any of her clients needed meds for their pets. “I’d love to have them,” the vet replied. Folan boxed up the medications and sent them to Savannah.
Writing about Lola’s death and giving away her medications helped Folan cope with her grief.
About a dozen of her friends responded to her email. “A lot of people made the point of telling me I gave Lola a really good life, which helped with the grief,” Folan says. Donating Lola’s medication “made me feel like Lola was helping another dog.”
The loss of a beloved pet can trigger intense feelings of grief. For many pet owners, their animal companions are part of their family. While the emotional pain of losing an animal companion is unavoidable, there are healthy steps people can take to cope with their loss, according to psychologists who work with patients who need help getting through their grief after the loss of a pet.
By emailing friends about her loss, Folan used one of the methods that is helpful in coping with the death of a pet — she shared the loss.
“Talk about it, tell your friends, write about it,” says Irene Deitch, a therapist in Staten Island, New York. “Do what you need to do to get your pain out.”
Donating Lola’s medication to a vet who could in turn provide them to other dogs was also a positive step, says Lenka Glassman, a staff psychologist at Georgetown Psychology Associates, which has three offices in the District of Columbia area. “Donating money, or medications, blankets, pet toys can absolutely be part of the coping process,” says Glassman, who specializes in working with patients dealing with intense grief over the loss of a pet. “Lots of people find that this is a way to channel some of their grief, and it can also be a way to experience some closure. It depends on the person though — some find it really hard to give these things away and find it comforting to hold on to them for quite some time.”
In addition to reaching out to loved ones, grieving pet owners can share their loss online, in chat rooms devoted to the loss of animal companions. People who need additional help can seek professional help from a therapist like Deitch, who says the American Psychological Association called her the “bow-wow therapist” because she works with many people who need help coping with the loss of a pet.
[See: 7 Ways Pets Can Make You Healthier.]
Creating a legacy for a beloved pet can be another way to share the loss, according to HelpGuide.org, an online resource promoting mental, emotional and social health.
Kevin Eder learned the value of that when he had to have his dog, Mackinac, euthanized in late July. Mackinac’s health deteriorated rapidly over the course of three weeks. A veterinarian told Eder, 31, who is from Ypsilanti, Michigan, and his wife Molly, 30, who is from Sterling Heights in the same state, that Mackinac, an Australian Blue Heeler, was suffering from Lyme nephritis, and treatment was nearly hopeless. Molly had owned dogs before, but Mackinac, who was 6, was Eder’s first canine. “I didn’t realize I could feel so strongly about a dog,” Eder says. “A first, I thought it was ridiculous how devastated I was by her death.”
Eder shared his grief on Facebook. For a week, he posted a series of photos of himself with Mackinac. One photo showed Eder driving, with Mackinac sitting next to him in the passenger seat, watching the road; another depicted the dog resting her head on Eder’s chest as he lounged on a sofa. The first photo Eder posted generated 180 comments. “It was nice to hear from people, including some I hadn’t heard from in a long time,” he recalls. “Many of the commenters included a word of support. It was nice.”
Memorializing a pet is not only healthy for adults, but for children, according to mental health experts. Losing a pet is often a child’s first experience with death, and allowing them to create a memorial — such as a photo array, or a written biography of the departed animal — can help kids process the loss, according to HelpGuide.org.
Losing an animal companion can be acutely painful for older people, because the death reminds them of their own mortality. Picking up a new pursuit, such as taking a class or spending time with close friends, can help fill the void left by the pet’s death, the website advises.
[See: 8 Things You Didn’t Know About Counseling.]
Sharon Weidenfeld leaned on her friends after she had her ailing cat, Toonces, euthanized in 2006. Weidenfeld, 54, of Greenbelt, Maryland, had bought Toonces from some kids in her neighborhood when he was a kitten. They spent 14 years together. A decade after Toonces died, Weidenfeld, 54, remembers him vividly.
“He’d always sit on my lap and sleep with me,” she says. “He was the absolute sweetest cat in the world.”
Talking to friends about Toonces helped Weidenfeld get through the loss. “I talked about it with friends and felt sad about it,” Weidenfeld says. “My friends and family consoled me.”
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How to Cope With the Loss of a Pet originally appeared on usnews.com
