What does buy love and happiness? Some say It boils down to the small, intentional behaviors we incorporate into our daily lives. Here are six tips to living a happier life.
The pursuit of happiness is guaranteed in our Constitution, but the Founding Fathers, sadly, failed to provide a path for achieving that elusive goal. Social scientists, thankfully, have stepped in. Research has continued to find that certain practices and behaviors consistently lead to greater levels of perceived happiness.
Nowhere does the research show that more money, a fast car, Botox or other tangible objects contribute to long-term happiness. Yes, earning a big raise or driving that new Tesla for the first time is a joyous occasion, but, as the Beatles sang, money can’t buy you love.
Stay connected to others.
“Arguably, the single strongest predictor of happiness is strength of social connections,” Bono says. “They help us through difficult times and to celebrate the good times. If you had one piece of data to predict happiness, it would be connection.”
Humans are instinctually social, driven to serve others and to collaborate to achieve collective goals, Simon-Thomas says. “We are healthier and happier when we tap into our prosocial orientation,” she explains. Specific activities include active listening: talking to others without distractions such as technology or inner dialogue. “Put down your device and look into the eyes of the people you interact with,” she says. “Notice your common humanity. Imagine the ways you are important to their well-being.” Social media, Bono says, doesn’t count. “It is actually counterproductive. You need quality person-to-person time,” he says.
Pictured: Tourists take selfies on the beach of Maya Bay, Phi Phi Leh island in Krabi province, Thailand, May 31, 2018.
(AP Photo/Sakchai Lalit)
AP Photo/Sakchai Lalit
Practice gratitude.
“The simplest way [to be happier], study after study shows, is the simple practice of gratitude — reflecting on the good things in life,” Bono says. “It means redirecting the focus of our intention from things we wish we had to things we already have and lost sight of or take for granted.”
A 2012 survey conducted by the John Templeton Foundation, Simon-Thomas says, revealed that most of us value gratitude as an important aspirational quality and that many people see themselves as quite grateful. “But they also see the world becoming less grateful. That, as any math major can tell you, is statistically impossible, so the issue most likely is that people aren’t expressing gratitude enough. They are not taking time to reflect on it and express it to others. So be deliberate about saying thank you to others in a rich and descriptive way. It is impactful for you and for the person hearing it,” she says. Keeping a gratitude journal or vocalizing something you are thankful for every day are also powerful strategies.
Pictured: A woman writes on a blank notepad with a pen.
(Getty Images/iStockphoto/apichon_tee)
Getty Images/iStockphoto/apichon_tee
Be compassionate.
Whereas gratitude is savoring the good things in life, compassion is about serving the welfare of another who is suffering, Simon-Thomas says. That doesn’t mean you have to volunteer weekly at the local food bank — though that would be great. It can be as easy as holding a door open for someone or picking something up that someone has dropped.
“Make an effort to extend compassion to targets who are less obvious,” she says. “Instead of a family member, can you extend that to a colleague at work or to someone you feel adversarial towards? This can strengthen the sense that you have a role in serving others. Our nervous system gets better at bringing those states forward the more we practice, just like practicing throwing a ball. Be supportive and lend a hand when you see someone needs help. It turns out it feels good, better than we predicted it would.”
Pictured: In this June 25, 2015 photo, volunteer Janice Hayes-Williams shows a piece of broken pottery she found to Aaron Levinthal, a State Highway Administration archaeologist, on the property of Rockbridge Academy, formally known as Scott’s Plantation or Belvoir, in Crownsville.
(Paul W. Gillespie/Capital Gazette via AP)
Paul W. Gillespie/Capital Gazette via AP
Take care of your body.
Psychological health is closely linked to physical health, Bono says. “Physical activity releases feel-good chemicals into the brain and body, which are important for feelings of positivity.” A sense of well-being is linked to eating healthy foods that supply the nutrition and energy the brain needs to carry out behaviors that allow us to feel good, like exercise, and the confidence to carry out daily tasks. One underestimated aspect of health is getting adequate amounts of sleep. “Neuroscience shows us that when we sleep, our brains are doing quite a bit of work strengthening neurocircuits, cognitive acuity and resilience,” Bono says. Many experts recommend at least seven hours of quality sleep per night.
Pictured: A photograph of a woman working out.
(iStock/Thinkstock)
iStock/Thinkstock
Be generous.Generosity is a key component of compassion and happiness. Simon-Thomas says that a traditional area of research involves asking subjects to either spend money on themselves or give it to others, then report their level of happiness. Those who gave it away are happier, “time and time again, all over the world,” she says. “The more generous people are, in many different nations, the better they perform on metrics of well-being.”
Pictured: Kids volunteering at food drive
(Getty Images/Jupiterimages)
Getty Images/Jupiterimages
Be mindful.
Practicing mindfulness meditation improves one’s ability to acknowledge distracting and intrusive thoughts that lead to unhappiness. “That is what anxiety is,” Bono says. “Rumination is at the core of depression. Meditation is about training the mind to identify intrusive thoughts and to let them go, not let them take over.”
The goal, Bono says, is not to try to be happy all the time. “Psychological health involves understanding that negativity is part of life. It is about developing coping mechanisms that minimize the impact of negative times, which will inevitably occur, so we can spend more time in the positive parts of experience. Bad days will crop up, so be prepared for them and have strategies to move to a more positive side. This positive psychology can move the needle to the happier side of things.”
Pictured: Therapeutic yoga teacher Mary Beth Cully demonstrates how mindful breathing can help you face a hectic lifestyle.
(AP Photo/Dan Balilty, File)
What does buy love and happiness? “It boils down to the small, intentional behaviors we incorporate into our daily lives,” says Tim Bono, assistant dean and lecturer in psychology at Washington University in St. Louis. “We expect happiness to come from the big ‘wow’ factor, but it’s daily mindsets that really matter.”
“When I teach about happiness, I give out three buckets of opportunity,” says Emiliana R. Simon-Thomas, the science director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California–Berkeley. “One is prioritizing lived experiences to find more frequent and meaningful positive emotions. Experiences are better than material possessions, so invest in experience rather than the next iPhone model. The second bucket is resilience: dealing with difficulties and inadequacies, dealing with anger. It’s not about stifling anger or negative emotions. … Instead, work through them and perhaps grow from them. The last bucket is social connection. Spend more time and effort interacting in ways that lead to a sense of benevolence, trust, support and common humanity.”
