Since October is National Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month, a late September survey from U.S. News & World Report focused on an aspect of domestic violence that doesn’t get much attention: financial abuse.
Survey respondents were in a committed relationship and were asked if they were a victim of financial abuse either now or in a past relationship. More than two in 10 say they’ve been a victim of financial abuse. Of those who experienced financial abuse in the past, 66.5% say the abuse is a reason why they left the relationship.
And almost 14% of respondents say they’re currently in a financially abusive situation. Another 5.2% say they’re unsure if they are.
What Is Financial Abuse?
Most people associate domestic violence with physical abuse, but financial abuse often accompanies it. A 2011 study from the Center for Financial Security
showed that 99% of domestic violence survivors had also experienced financial abuse in the relationship.
Financial abuse, also called economic abuse or financial exploitation, differs from financial infidelity. Financial infidelity involves actions such as racking up debt on a secret credit card account or draining a shared savings account without your partner’s knowledge. Financial abuse is more about power over the victim. The perpetrator uses money as a tool to control a partner.
[Read: Best Secured Credit Cards.]
The Signs of Financial Abuse
Financial abuse can exist in marriage or in any other type of committed relationship. The abuse takes on many forms, and it often happens so gradually, it’s difficult to catch the warning signs early.
Survey respondents were asked to identify the types of financial abuse that’s occurring in these three areas:
— Exploiting their resources.
— Interfering with their job.
— Controlling shared financial resources.
Your Partner Exploits Your Resources
Exploiting resources involves a range of activities, including taking your paycheck. Although 73.2% had not experienced this, others had.
The findings:
— Partner takes my paycheck without permission: 11.5%.
— Partner has damaged my credit score: 12.1%.
— Partner manages my money without my input: 10.5%.
— Partner pressures me to change my will: 6.1%.
Your Partner Interferes With Your Job
Interfering with your career is often done to destroy a victim’s source of income. Slightly more than 74.2% say their partner had not interfered with their careers.
The findings:
— Demeaned your job or career: 10.8%.
— Pressured you to quit your job: 7.5%.
— Told you where you can or can’t work: 8.2%.
— Sabotaged work opportunities: 8.9%.
— Harassed you at work: 5.3%.
[Read: Best Starter Credit Cards for Building Credit.]
Your Partner Controls Shared Resources
Often an abuser will seize control of the accounts you share and limit access to the victim. Almost 65% had not experienced this.
The findings:
— Criticizes your money decisions and purchases: 14.7%.
— Partner spends freely, but criticizes your spending: 17%.
— Makes important decisions without your input: 14.8%.
— Limits your access to your money: 7%.
— Hides money in private accounts: 8.5%.
— Hides debts or spending habits: 11.7%.
— Gives you an allowance or makes you ask for money: 7.8%.
Why It’s Hard to Leave
It’s usually a combination of circumstances that keeps someone in a financially abusive relationship. Respondents were asked to select the reasons why they are still in the relationship.
Here’s how they respond:
— My partner financially supports me: 15.6%.
— We have kids: 46.8%.
— We have a pet together: 22.9%.
— Our possessions are too intertwined: 16.1%.
— I don’t have any money saved: 33.9%.
— I’m afraid of my partner: 21.1%.
— I love my partner: 35.8%.
— My situation is improving: 14.2%.
— Other: 1.8%.
How to Leave a Financially Abusive Relationship
Of those who are currently in a financially abusive relationship, 18% either want to leave or aren’t sure. Financial abuse can rob victims of their confidence, self-esteem and even their jobs. Fear and lack of financial resources make many individuals afraid to take steps to leave.
Always Clear Your Browser History
This is the first thing you need to know about exiting the relationship safely. A lot of the steps you’ll take to prepare to leave occur online. Some abusers monitor their partner’s browser history. A financial abuser is all about control, so they’ll look for signs you might be hiding money or preparing to leave.
You’ll need to make this a habit every time you use a computer to research how to leave.
Check Your Credit Reports
Destroying your credit is a strategy in the financial abuser’s toolbox. This is an attempt to make it financially difficult for you to leave.
You can get your free annual credit reports at AnnualCreditReport.com. You might find new accounts opened in your name that have gone to collections for lack of payment. Read your reports line by line, and you’ll get a picture of what’s happened.
It may be terribly upsetting, but stay focused on the facts. It will take time, but you can start improving your credit once you get into a safe place.
[Read: Best Credit Cards for Bad Credit.]
Reach Out for Help
Respondents were asked if they had told anyone about their situation, and 17% say they had not. One place to reach out for help is the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. You can call it, chat online or request a text. If your partner monitors your electronic devices, don’t leave a telltale text on your phone.
Start developing a supportive network. In the survey, 22% say one of the reasons they haven’t told anyone is that they’re too afraid or embarrassed to talk about it. Once you reach out for help, you won’t be alone anymore.
Look for a Safe Place to Stay
When you’re ready to move out, plan where you’ll stay. Some individuals stay with family or friends. But don’t despair if this isn’t an option for you.
If you don’t have the money to pay for lodging, check out DomesticShelters.org to find places to stay in your area. Also, look to the Office on Women’s Health for advice on how to leave an abusive relationship, including a special toolkit to help you plan your escape.
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Survey: Nearly 22% Experienced Financial Abuse in a Past Relationship originally appeared on usnews.com
