Captain Kirk to McCoy
Here you go, Redskins fans. Two years ago it was RGThreezus. Last year it was Robert Griffin the Turd. If you’re ready to mix it up a little, why not instead opt for a celebration of the other quarterbacks on the roster? “Captain Kirk to McCoy,” as suggested by WTOP’s own Dave Preston, showcases both backups through an easily recognizable Star Trek reference. That’s good fantasy team-naming right there.
(AP Photo/Jay Paul)
The Washington Football Team
Here you go, Redskins haters. While you should never name your fantasy team after an actual team (which is a real thing that WAY too many people do – seven of the top 30 most popular names were literally actual team names), this is a devious way to get away with it. Want to be the object of scorn and fury in your league? The never-ending name debate will probably rage on for the rest of the decade or until the NFL finally steps in to force Dan Snyder’s hand, whichever comes first. Until then, enjoy your antagonism.
Watt me Whip, Watt me J.J.
Whatever you do, do not name your team “Turn Down for Watt.” Not only is it not original, it was literally the least original player-based fantasy team name, non-Ray Rice division from last season. If you do want to pay homage to the reigning defensive player of the year, try a different Watt-based alternative. The clever 1.21 J.J. Watts is timeless, but may be a bit played out as well
(AP Photo/Patric Schneider)
Yobagoya Beef Buckets
Plenty of people who play fantasy football also watch the FX show The League, which is based around a group of friends who compete annually in a fantasy football league. “Chalupa Batman” and “Password is Taco” are both recognizable, but also a bit tired by now. Here’s your chance to celebrate the cheapest bucket of beef in Illinois-a.
Colin Kaepernick is a mediocre NFL quarterback who doesn’t know how to use hashtags, as evidenced by his creation of #7tormsComing – it uses a “7,” which looks nothing like an “S” – in a highly flawed attempt to integrate his jersey number into some sort of ominous message.
Kaepernick’s team, The San Francisco 49ers, are a twice proud franchise that fired the coach responsible for their recent resurgence, then saw half their team either retire early, succumb to injury, or run their way out of the league through off-the-field legal issues. Plus, they play their home games on a plot of shoddily replaced golf divots more than 40 miles from San Francisco. Come to think of it, 7-9 may be an optimistic projection.
(AP Photo/George Bridges)
tom BrAdy’s ceLL Service
There are going to be plenty of Deflategate jokes out there. Want to make yours stand out? Work a not-so-subtly-hidden message into it. This works with other names and hidden words as well, but come on – if you’re going this route, you’re probably trying to make a “balls” joke anyway. This is the balls joke construction you’re looking for.
(AP Photo/Charles Krupa, Pool)
Fly Tebow Fly
So long as Tim Tebow is in the NFL, there is room for fantasy teams with his name on them. Heck, even if Chip Kelly cuts him next week this play on the Eagles’ slogan will work this year. It’s shaping up to be a carnival of a year in the City of Brotherly Love, especially if Kelly ends up rolling with four quarterbacks and using Tebow as some sort of trick play/two-point conversion specialist. Enjoy this entertainment as long as it lasts.
(AP Photo/Michael Perez)
Got any San Diego fans in your league? This is a good way to get under their skin. With the Chargers, Raiders and Rams all threatening to move to Los Angeles, adding any credence to the idea is a laudable way to dig deeply at their supporters. With the Carson site looking like the most promising for an actual stadium, the alliterative word play works nicely. All three teams have spent time in LA, but the Chargers were only there for a season and have been in San Diego since 1961, so this one cuts the deepest.
(AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes)
The Ginger Ham-fist
Roger Goodell has had a less than ideal calendar year. From underreacting, then overreacting, to generally blatantly disregarding the basic principles of double jeopardy and leveling ex post facto punishments on a whim, he’s made plenty of enemies and exposed the league’s disciplinary program as being a largely arbitrary, unregulated system. Known as The Ginger Hammer for his harsh discipline aimed at players early in his tenure, this variation feels more appropriate.
(AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)
AP/Gene J. Puskar
WASHINGTON — All your fantasy football friend “experts” will tell you that the most important part of the season is the draft. While that may be true, whether you’re a newbie or a veteran, to fully enjoy your fantasy season you must have a good team name.
Even if your draft isn’t for another week or two, it’s good to start thinking about this now. You don’t want to be worrying about trying to be clever while simultaneously trying to rank your wide receivers as the draft clock counts down. That’s how you end up panicking, wondering
why Jordy Nelson is still available at the end of the third round, excitedly snagging him, and summarily kissing your season goodbye.
While plenty of people think they have good team names, most of them are wrong.
According to Slate, the most popular team name in 2014 was “Show me your TDs.” Seriously. Be better than that.
To help you, we’ve listed nine perfectly acceptable options for you this year in the slides above, based on players, teams, pop culture references and news stories that have dominated the offseason. Feel free to think of this as a jumping off point for your own creativity, or just go ahead and steal one for yourself if you’re feeling desperate. We won’t tell anyone.