Jean Fisher and Claire Richardson, both 92, share a suite at All American at Wrentham in Massachusetts. Yet, listening to them banter, you might mistake them for college roomies or twenty-somethings navigating a new city together.
“She is like my sister. We laugh, we joke and we even bicker. I was nervous about moving and not knowing anyone, but I’m so happy I got matched with Claire,” Fisher says.
Richardson, who moved across the country from Las Vegas, shared the same initial anxiety.
“I didn’t know what to expect; it was a big change for me, coming from Las Vegas where I had been living. But I had hoped I would not be alone,” Richardson says.
Their bond illustrates a rapidly growing trend: senior home sharing. Decades after “The Golden Girls” popularized the concept on television, reality is catching up.
Driven by rising inflation and housing costs, many baby boomers are increasingly looking to share spaces and split costs, earning them the nickname “Boommates.”
While taking on a roommate later in life can feel like an adjustment, the advantages extend far beyond saving money on rent and utilities.
“Loneliness and social isolation are among the concerns we hear most frequently when speaking with prospective residents and their families,” says Benjamin Wells, president of Kaplan Development, which owns and operates All American at Wrentham. “A roommate can provide another layer of companionship.”
Whether you are considering a shared suite in an assisted living community or exploring independent senior home sharing, finding the right fit is crucial to preventing conflict and ensuring a happy, comfortable living arrangement.
What Is the Difference Between Senior Home Sharing and Assisted Living?
If you’re just getting started thinking about a roommate for yourself or an older loved one, you probably have some questions: What is senior home sharing, exactly? Is there a difference between a “Golden Girls” living arrangement and sharing a room in assisted living?
The answer is yes: Here’s how they are different.
The independent “home sharing” model
With home sharing, two (or more) independent seniors share a private residence, where they have their own bedrooms, as in “The Golden Girls.”
“Many older adults want to maintain independence in their homes and appreciate the financial support from renting a room or exchanging extra household chores for reduced rent,” says Laura Fanucchi, director of programs for the nonprofit HIP Housing in San Mateo, California, which has a home-sharing program. “For older adults seeking housing, home sharing provides an affordable housing option, especially in high-cost areas with limited affordable housing and long waiting lists.”
The benefits of this model for homeowners and housemates include:
— Financial savings
— Safety and peace of mind that someone will be there in an emergency
— Community improvement through using available existing housing
Shared rooms in assisted living and memory care
Senior living communities provide roommate matching for companion suites, which often have two bedrooms, a shared living space, kitchenette and bathroom.
Sharing suites can cut monthly care costs by up to 20%-30%.
“By sharing certain living costs, residents can receive the same access to the community’s amenities, dining, care, activities, and clinical and social programming at a significantly lower monthly cost than they would typically pay for a private apartment,” Wells says.
Shared living in memory care often means a “semi-private” suite that includes two beds in a shared living space with a bathroom.
“Particularly in memory care, companionship can provide an additional sense of comfort, familiarity and social connection,” says Priscilla Duran, executive director of The Philomena Assisted Living and Memory Care in Kyle, Texas. “For some residents, simply having another person present in the room can be reassuring.”
Independent home sharing vs. senior living companion suites: Key differences
Here is a comparison table breaking down the differences between the independent home-sharing model and community shared rooms:
| Feature | Independent Home Sharing | Community Shared Rooms (Assisted Living and Memory Care) |
| Living Arrangement | A private residence where two or more independent seniors share a home, typically with private bedrooms (similar to The Golden Girls) | Companion suites (often two bedrooms, shared living space, kitchenette and bathroom) or semi-private suites (two beds in a shared space, common in memory care) |
| Best For | Older adults who want to maintain their independence in a residential home or those seeking affordable housing options in high-cost areas | Seniors who need access to daily care, clinical support and structured programming, including those requiring memory care |
| Financial Benefits | Homeowners earn rental income or get household help in exchange for reduced rent; renters gain an affordable housing option. | Reduces monthly care and housing costs compared to a private apartment |
| Safety, Care and Support | Offers peace of mind knowing another person is in the home in case of an emergency | Residents enjoy full access to the community’s amenities, medical/clinical care and social programming. |
[READ: What Are Senior Co-Ops? Key Benefits, Challenges and How They Work]
How Can You Find a Safe Senior Living Roommate?
Home-share matching agencies and senior nonprofits can help you find a vetted roommate, so you can feel safe and secure in your match.
1. Check the National Shared Housing Resource Center
Look at the National Shared Housing Resource Center program directory to find a local nonprofit home-sharing program in your area.
“These programs provide the safe, structured support needed to bring potential housemates together, guide them through the interview process, help them complete a (roommate) agreement and offer ongoing follow?up,” Fanucchi says.
2. Use online roomsharing websites
Visit national roommate-matching websites such as:
— Nesterly
— Diggz
3. Contact your local senior center or Area Agency on Aging
Local senior centers and Area Agencies on Aging (AAA) are invaluable resources for finding safe home-sharing programs and vetted roommate services in your community. These public agencies often maintain regional housing directories, facilitate structured matching programs or partner with trusted nonprofits specializing in senior shared living.
Reach out to a counselor at your local AAA to get personalized support tailored to your community’s housing landscape.
[READ: Senior Living Benefits: Making a Community Home]
How Does Roommate Matching Work in Assisted Living?
In senior living, roommates aren’t assigned randomly; instead, residents are thoughtfully matched by staff at the facility.
“A successful companion arrangement isn’t defined simply by two people sharing a room,” Duran says. “It’s one in which both residents continue to feel safe, comfortable, respected and at home.”
The lifestyle assessment
Senior living community directors use detailed questionnaires to get to know residents and their families and assess who would be a good fit.
“Compatibility is extremely important — we look beyond simply having two available spots and consider the individuals themselves,” Duran says. “In memory care, we also consider each resident’s cognitive and functional needs and how their behaviors and routines may complement one another.”
Some of the factors directors consider include:
— Sleep/wake patterns and other personal routines
— Compatible interests and personalities
— Television volume preferences/need for quiet time
— Temperature preference
— Neatness
— Visitor frequency
Residents themselves have a say as well.
“We never want someone to feel as though a roommate has simply been assigned to them without consideration of their preferences,” Wells says. “The resident and their family have a voice in the process, and we respect that tremendously.”
[READ: Understanding the Different Senior Care Options.]
5 Expert Strategies for Getting Along With Your Senior Roommate
Once seniors are paired up, they often form lasting friendships with their roommates, but like any friendship, there sometimes may be small disagreements.
Here’s how to handle them and prevent them from happening in the first place.
1. Discuss the “rules” ahead of time
Setting expectations early can help avoid common pitfalls. For example, let each other know when your regular visitors stop by (perhaps mark it on a large calendar) so your roommate can be prepared. Talk about the temperature, the TV volume, when you usually shower and other daily activities that could cause conflict.
2. Offer a bonding activity
Set yourselves up to get to know each other better by breaking the ice with a fun activity for just the two of you. Try a board or card game, watch a television series or share a meal or walk together.
3. Respect personal space and belongings
It’s always best to ask first if you want to borrow something from your roommate, especially if you’re still getting to know each other. Stay out of each other’s bedrooms unless you agree otherwise, and don’t snoop. If something in a common space breaks by accident, own up to it and offer to replace it.
4. Communication is key
As with any relationship, open communication is the best way to handle any issues that arise. Wait until you are calm and bring up the problem directly; don’t use passive-aggressive tactics like the cold shoulder or silent treatment.
5. Give each other grace
It might have been a long time, if ever, since your roommate lived with someone who wasn’t a family member or spouse. If any little things come up, try to see it from their perspective and give them a chance to apologize and try again. Meeting them with kindness is less likely to make them defensive.
[READ: How to Choose the Right Senior Living Facility: A Checklist]
What Should You Do If You and Your Roommate Don’t Get Along?
If your match was well-made, it’s unlikely you’ll have major disagreements, but it could happen.
“Any time two people share a living space, there is always the possibility of differences in routines, preferences or personalities. That is true whether someone is 25 or 85,” Wells says. “In our experience, significant disagreements are not common, particularly when the matching process is handled thoughtfully.”
To mend the relationship, try these strategies:
— Talk it out. Tell your roommate what you need, and try not to jump to conclusions without discussing it first. It’s possible the disagreement is a misunderstanding, or your roommate didn’t even know the issue bothered you.
— Give it time. After your conversation, see if the same frustrations keep arising. That could be a clue this may be a longer-term problem.
— Ask for help. For significant problems, you’re not on your own; your care team is there to help. “We don’t expect residents or families to navigate disagreements on their own,” Wells says. “Our directors and community teams are available to help facilitate conversations and address concerns before small issues become larger ones.”
— Know when to end it. It’s possible you and your roommate are simply not a good match. If you’ve tried and failed to get along, it might be best to request a new roommate. “We don’t expect residents to remain in an arrangement that clearly isn’t working,” Duran says. “If we determine a roommate arrangement is negatively affecting either resident’s well-being, we reassess the pairing and look for an appropriate alternative.”
In memory care, the care team is specifically trained to look out for problems if the resident isn’t fully able to communicate verbally.
“Our team continually observes residents and pays attention to changes in behavior, comfort and interactions,” Duran says. “We also listen closely to feedback from families.”
Bottom Line: Making Shared Living a Success
Although it can be scary to think about a new living situation with a stranger, that person could become a genuine friend.
“After everyone is done with supper and getting ready for bed and there are no more scheduled activities, a time that can be lonely isn’t because we have one another,” Fisher says of her roommate, Richardson. “We put on our pajamas and talk in our living room about the old times, growing up, our parents, what we did as kids. I’m so happy to not be alone anymore.”
Richardson echoes Fisher’s sentiment: “I love living here, and I love living with Jean. I couldn’t ask for a better place to call home or a better person to call my friend.”
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Senior Living Roommates & Home Sharing: How to Find the Best Match and Avoid Conflict originally appeared on usnews.com
