Graduating from college is a joyous occasion for many students and families. But it’s more than just a signal that a student has finished a degree. In many ways, it’s a proverbial flip of a switch, ushering someone instantaneously into adulthood.
In most college settings, friends and other resources are within arm’s reach. Greek organizations, club sports and and other activities can make it easier for students to make friends. It can feel like living in a bubble, says Andrew Chen, a 2021 graduate of the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, and it can be a jarring transition when you’re no longer in that bubble, especially if friends disperse to other cities to begin their careers.
For Chen, college felt like “a safe space or a sanctuary,” he says, where there was typically room for creativity and failure without some of the repercussions that might come in professional or adult life. For some students, financial realities enter the picture upon graduation as well, with more bills and expenses.
The first few years after college are a significant transition that often bring anxiety, uncertainty and, at times, social isolation, experts say. Even those who look forward to graduating and beginning their professional or adult life often struggle with the transition, says Amanda Fialk, partner and chief clinical officer at The Dorm, a mental health and treatment facility for young adults based in New York City and Washington, D.C.
“When you think about graduating from college, there’s a flurry of different emotions that students typically experience,” Fialk says. “They’re certainly happy and proud that they made it through and made it that far. But they also feel anxiety about the future (and) sadness about leaving their friends and closing such an important chapter of their lives. Many students do experience depression over the loss of this phase of their life.”
Financial pressures can also play a part. In its annual Workplace Benefits Study, the Guardian Life Insurance Company of America found that 67% of Gen Z workers identified “money/finances” as a top source of stress in their lives.
In a March 2022 survey of 1,000 college graduates ages 25 to 35 across the United States, Grand Canyon Education, a partner of Grand Canyon University in Arizona, found that nearly 31% of respondents reported feeling pressure to have a successful career and have their life together.
Building friendships and maintaining relationships are also sources of worry for recent graduates. Nearly 55% of respondents reported some level of difficulty when it came to building a social life in adulthood, compared to 29% during college. Furthermore, 60% said they’re less satisfied with their social life in adulthood than in college.
“Transitions are challenging, even with loads of preparation,” Mary Joyce Juan, clinical director of counseling and psychological services at San Diego State University in California, wrote in an email. “I think it’s important during this time for young adults to slow down and to reflect. And if ever they are feeling stuck, go back to basics and take smaller steps. Any step forward is movement.”
Here are four practical steps you can take to help ease the transition to life after college.
Recognize Financial Success Takes Time
Nate Hoskin remembers the feeling all too well. He graduated from Chapman University in California in 2020 with a finance degree and felt pressure right away to make a lot of money. He fully intended to work 70 to 80 hours a week to do that, he says. He quickly realized that he was focusing on the wrong things, he says, and it affected other aspects of his life.
While some are able to make good money right out of college, many don’t. Nearly 40% of Gen Z workers in the Guardian survey reported living paycheck to paycheck, and 80% said they only had about $500 in an emergency fund. Hoskin, the founder and lead advisor of financial planning firm Hoskin Capital, says it’s important to recognize that building income takes time.
“You don’t have to be a millionaire by the time you’re 25,” he says. “You are not a failure if your first job out of school isn’t paying you six figures. That’s the first component and is something that’s so misconstrued, particularly coming out of school.”
He encourages students not to let social standards and expectations or comparing themselves to peers dictate their decisions. In other words, don’t buy a house or make other expensive purchases just because others are. Instead, he suggests understanding where your money is going. Do a monthly audit of your finances and eliminate unnecessary subscriptions or other expenses.
Prioritize saving money, setting aside a certain amount each month as soon as you get paid.
“Regardless of inflation and the things that have happened recently, it is really expensive to live, and it has been for a while now,” he says. “That means certain goals that you have set for yourself might take more time, and that is totally OK. There is no set schedule.”
Be Intentional About Maintaining Relationships
One major challenge for recent graduates when it comes to social connectivity is proximity, says Blake Blankenbecler, a licensed therapist in South Carolina and creator of The Friendship Deck, a card game designed to strengthen friendships. Not only do people tend to move away from their college friends, but they’re typically not in living situations that are as conducive to hanging out as college was, she says.
With work schedules and other responsibilities, cultivating and maintaining relationships in adulthood isn’t as seamless and often takes more mental energy, she says.
“I often say good friendships don’t happen by accident,” she says. “Up until college, they kind of do, and then you’re thrown into this world where they definitely do not and you have to be a lot more intentional and thoughtful to sustain them and nurture them.”
Whether it’s FaceTime, phone calls or Zoom calls, Fialk recommends scheduling time to talk with friends who live elsewhere so that those friendships don’t dissipate due to distance. For students who end up in the same city as their friends, she encourages them to maintain regular social events as much as possible, even if work or life get busy.
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
While maintaining existing friendships is vital, so too is branching out and making new ones as your life situation changes, experts say. But that can be a challenge.
Blankenbecler often refers to this transitional season as “the second middle school.”
“It’s just this awkward, a bit cringey time where you don’t quite know who you are outside of college,” she says. “You’re trying to make your way. The world has more challenges and is a bit more nuanced than maybe you were told to believe, but you can’t know until you’re experiencing it.”
It can also be a lonely time period, especially for those who feel isolated from friends and family. At first, she says, start with what’s familiar and try to make friends with those you spend time regular time with, like coworkers. But after a while, she encourages people to take risks and enter into social settings that might be intimidating.
Sometimes it’s as simple as joining a book club or social events through work. Find people in similar life stages or those who have similar hobbies and interests, she says. Joining a gym and taking exercise classes can be a good way to stay in shape and also meet people with similar interests.
Blankenbecler has moved cities several times in adulthood, and she says one rule she sets for herself in the first six to 12 months in a new city or new situation is to say yes to as many things as she can, within reason.
“You might not meet your best friends at all of them,” she says, “but it’ll get you used to being around people, meeting new people and just being in conversation to then run into people who will be good friends.”
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
For some recent graduates, there’s a rush of excitement that comes with the freedom of adulthood, and living with parents or even roommates may not be an attractive plan. But don’t discount those options completely, Hoskin says, especially if it can save money.
Like Chen, Audrey Thorne found that living with roommates following her graduation from the Harvard University Graduate School of Education in Massachusetts in 2020 was the best thing for her not only financially, but also socially. There are practical benefits, too, like taking turns cooking and cleaning.
“Knowing myself and my mental health, and knowing that I’m an extrovert, I knew I wasn’t going to live alone,” says Thorne, now an eighth grade English language arts teacher at Achievement First East New York Middle School, a charter school in New York. “To me, that wasn’t an option and it’s still not an option. I want to be with people because I think that’s a support system. It’s better financially to have roommates. To me, that made a lot of sense.”
College graduation can be scary, Fialk says, and adulthood will throw a lot at you fast. It’s normal to not feel totally great about the transition at first, she says.
Juan says recent graduates shouldn’t feel like they have to face the transition alone.
“During this time, I think it’s especially important to take your time and surround yourself with your loved ones, your friends, your mentors and anyone else who can help you to feel anchored,” she says.
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Life After College: Tips for the Transition originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 06/07/23: This story was published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
