Are you talking to your teen about sex? If not, you should be!
Nationwide, 30 percent of teens report that their parents have never spoken with them about sex. Although 70 percent have, what makes this number concerning is that recent data indicates 40 percent of high school students have had sexual intercourse and 10 percent have had sex with four or more people. This reality makes it important for parents to understand teen sex trends and to initiate conversations to help their kids understand the consequences of being sexually active at such a young age.
Trends in Sexual Behavior
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s most recently released Youth Risk Behavior Survey, which is conducted every other year with high school students across the nation, 39.5 percent of high school students reported having had sexual intercourse, with the prevalence being higher among males (about 41 percent) than females (nearly 38 percent). And 30 percent had sex in the three months prior to the study, with 46 percent of those students not using a condom. What’s more disturbing is that according to another CDC report, about half of the 20 million new sexually transmitted infections reported each year were among young people between the ages of 15 to 24.
[Read: Teen Dating Violence: What Parents and Teens Should Know.]
According to the 2017 YRBS, the prevalence of young people reporting that they’d had sexual intercourse in their lives was as follows:
— 3 percent of kids 13 years or younger
— 20 percent of high school freshman
— 36 percent of sophomores
— 47 percent of juniors
— 57 percent of seniors
Across all ages, the prevalence of having sex was higher among kids who reported they are heterosexual (39 percent) or gay, lesbian and bisexual (48 percent) than for students who were unsure about their sexual identity (28 percent). And since most experts would say adolescence doesn’t end until the mid-20s, if you’re a parent with a kid heading off to college, you may want to (or you may not want to, but you should) check out College Stats survey on trends in college students’ sexual behavior and which campuses, as reported by students, had the most sexual activity.
Research on teen sex trends isn’t all gloom and doom. In fact, from 1991 to 2017 there has been a significant decrease in the number of adolescents who report having sexual intercourse (54 percent to 39.5 percent). Although the big picture is promising, the number of teens having sex in 2017 (39.5 percent) hasn’t changed much since the 2015 YRBS (41 percent). With over a third of the nation’s youth reporting being sexually active, there is great concern that they are placing themselves at risk for pregnancy and STIs, including HIV infection. So where do we go from here?
Here’s what parents can do to guide adolescents:
Talk through the awkwardness. Studies have shown that teens who are well-informed aren’t in a hurry to have sex. Although speaking with your teen about sex can feel awkward at first, the more you do it, the more natural it will become. Break the ice by using real stories: If you hear something on the news or read something online about sex that you feel is relevant, bring it up with your teen. It’s easier to talk about an external situation than what’s going on internally. The more kids talk about sexual topics, the less challenging it’ll be to discuss their own situations. If you need help starting a conversation with your kid, check out sexetc.org, a website run by teens that’s affiliated with Rutgers University.
[Read: How to Manage When Your Teen Starts Dating.]
Let it come from you, not the internet. Young people are naturally curious about sex, so if you don’t give them the information they need, they’ll seek it out on their own via social media or internet sites, which may not be reliable sources.
Use your influential power to your advantage. The positive impact of parents communicating with their teens about romantic relationships, sex, STIs and pregnancy prevention has been widely supported in research. Responding to surveys conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, teens report that their parents have the greatest influence over their decisions about sex. Parents ranked higher than friends, siblings or the media! The majority of teens say they have similar values to their parents when it comes to sex, and they would like to be able to speak openly and honestly with them about the topic.
Be real, authentic and straightforward. Teens have really good BS meters, and they’ll know if you’re just trying to rush through “the talk” because you’re uncomfortable. They’ll also know if they can rely on you for information.
Lighten the mood. Don’t be stanch and overly serious when talking about sex, body functions, protection and risks such as pregnancy and STIs. It’s OK to use humor, or if you have a story to illustrate your point, that’s even better. You don’t have to share your own personal experiences if you don’t want to — odds are your kids don’t want to hear about those either. On a personal note, when I speak with my own kids about sex, I am upfront and honest. I try to give them truthful information, and then I’ll crack a joke to lighten the mood. Case in point, in a conversation about sex with one of my teens, I said “If you are ever in a situation that your body is acting differently than what your brain is telling you or from what you know you should be doing, find a fire extinguisher and spray yourself to put out the fire, and then call me.” Laughing with the infamous eye roll, I got the “Oh mom…” to which I replied, “OK then, call me, and I’ll spray you down.”
Talk about more than sex. Teens want to discuss more than sex. According to a report from Harvard’s Making Caring Common project, 70 percent of 18- to 25-year-olds said they wished they had received more information from their parents about how to manage their emotions in a relationship. More than a third reported they wanted more guidance on how to have a mature relationship, handle breakups and how to not get hurt in a relationship. They also wanted to know to how to “compromise in a relationship when you’re both stubborn,” “deal with falling out of love with someone,” “wait” to have sex, and “deal with cheating.” For teens, it’s about more than sex, it’s about how to have a meaningful relationship.
Don’t sex shame. Instead teach that sex is a beautiful act of connecting, because it’s a time when there is a connection with another person. It’s OK to wait until they find that special person they can share that deep emotional bond with before having sex, and per the data, many teens are waiting to have sex. What teens want is to be cared for and loved. And what they need is our guidance in knowing what that looks like in a relationship.
[See: 10 Ways to Broach the Subject of Sex With Your Teen.]
As parents, we play a crucial role in changing teen sex trends. It’s worrisome when a third of our nation’s youth report that their parents have never spoken with them about sex. Why not? Plus, how cool is it when teens put on a survey that they need their parents’ guidance in understanding relationships and how to have meaningful relationships for themselves? There’s just no way around it: We owe it to our kids to have these needed conversations. The discussion about sex needs to start at home.
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Changing Teen Sex Trends originally appeared on usnews.com
