While the holidays are often associated with family gatherings, good food and fun, they’re also linked to increased stress levels. Happiness and connectedness may be abundant during the good times, but according to the American Psychological Association, so too are fatigue, stress and irritability — mostly stemming from lack of time and money, commercialism and gift-giving pressures.
[See: 8 Things You Didn’t Know About Counseling.]
Take Control, Be Mindful of Your ‘Overs’
For someone with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, stress this time of year can multiply. “While people with ADHD love the intensity and excitement, things get can overwhelming,” says Edward Hallowell, founder of the Hallowell Centers, which help treat people with ADHD and other cognitive and emotional conditions in Boston, New York City, San Francisco and Seattle. “It’s easier to become angry, alienate people and say things you don’t mean.” While it’s always beneficial for someone with ADHD to have plenty of structure, he says it’s especially important this time of year. “More than ever, structure matters,” he says. “Take control of the chaos around you.”
This entails doing what works best for each person, Hallowell says. Lists work for some people with the disorder, but for others phone calendars or apps help manage organizational and planning strategies. But no matter what, he encourages people to be “mindful of their ‘overs.'” People with ADHD, he says, are prone to overspending, overeating, overindulging and overscheduling. During the holidays, all of this ramps up, adding to stress levels.
“The holidays are definitely an issue,” says June Silny, an ADHD coach with ADHD who provides her expertise via Skype and phone conversations. She says that most anyone exhibits impulsive tendencies this time of year, but people with ADHD do so more frequently and with increased intensity. “We’re anxious in social settings, have challenges paying attention, are spending too much, eating too much and, because we want to be liked, there’s a lot of people-pleasing,” she says. It can become a vicious cycle; Silny says that people with ADHD “want to do the right thing,” but impulsive actions often lead to overspending or rehashing thoughts of what was spent or said, which then leads to feelings of regret.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
Accept Differences and Strengths, Set Limits
“Be yourself,” says Silny, author of the e-book, “The Pause,” which discusses how to be in control of emotions (rather than letting them control you) and how to tap into ADHD strengths — in addition to other topics. “Know your triggers, but also know your strengths. Everyone has flaws, but accepting your ADHD differences can be beneficial.” If, for example, you’re going to a party, you know going into it that anxiety will likely develop or that you’ll be listening to three conversations at once. Rather than fight it, accept it, she suggests. Doing so can help lessen stress levels.
Having ADHD indeed amplifies holiday stress, says Barbara Greenberg, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Connecticut who specializes in parenting and relationship issues and is the co-author of “Teenage as a Second Language: A Parent’s Guide to Becoming Bilingual.” She says there’s a great deal of overstimulation and regression over the holidays as people remember the past, experience sibling rivalry and recall memories from their younger selves. “ADHD can double or triple these feelings,” Greenberg says. People with this disorder are often “very vulnerable to feeling overstimulated.”
Greenberg echoes Hallowell’s suggestion to find and stick to some kind of structure, including a regular schedule that incorporates a cutoff time. For example, she suggests when going to a party call it a night after a certain amount of hours. “Set a limit,” Greenberg advises. “If you know that two hours of an event is going to be too much for you, be proactive and specify at the onset that you’ll be leaving, say, at 10 p.m. It may also be helpful to have someone help by reminding you to schedule breaks at a party. Additionally, it’s beneficial to take stock of what worked and didn’t work last year, then adjust accordingly.
[See: Hoarding, ADHD, Narcissism: Inside the Minds of History’s Great Personalities.]
Don’t Forget to Have Fun
Worried you’ll be the talk of the town if you head out before most other people? Don’t fret. Greenberg says to put worries of what other people may think by the wayside. “Keep in mind if you leave the gathering early, people will not judge you for it,” she says. “Most people are too involved with their own thoughts to notice.” And for those select few who tend to get on your nerves during an event? She still says not to let it get to you. “Be mindful of people who pushed your buttons before, and engage someone else in conversation,” she says. “No one benefits if you’re anxious and overstimulated. Don’t take the bait.”
Most importantly, it’s imperative not to lose sight of what the holidays are all about. This is a time for reflection, enjoyment and time with loved ones. “Make time to connect with the people that matter to you,” Hallowell says. “Don’t let the holidays come and go without having some fun.”
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How to Cope During the Holidays When You Have ADHD originally appeared on usnews.com
