Our country is in the middle of a drug epidemic, and families are struggling with the grips of addiction. Many children are living this reality with parents dealing with drug addiction and prescription medication abuse. The problem is so prevalent that 1 in 4 children in the United States is exposed to alcohol abuse or dependence in the family, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services.
Some of the most difficult conversations I have had in my work as an addiction doctor and psychiatrist is talking to kids and trying to explain why their parents are challenged by addiction or bracing them to deal with having a parent go away for treatment or separating from the family — or even worse, when a parent has passed away because of an overdose. It will break anyone’s heart to have such a conversation with a child.
[See: 7 Ways to Build Resilience for Crises and Everyday Life Challenges.]
I’ve been treating families dealing with a loved one’s addiction for over a decade, and it’s important to address how having a parent with a substance use disorder can affect them. Children of addicts often experience physical or emotional abuse and neglect, domestic violence, lack of boundaries or inconsistent messages about right and wrong. These kids can also be predisposed to behavioral problems and to abusing drugs or alcohol themselves. If not dealt with properly, these innocent children could also have problems in school or social relationships.
However, in my experience, the bright side is that these kids can overcome the damage from a flawed environment with help. Here are some of the steps I’v seen be most effective in my work at Center for Network Therapy:
1. Help Children Understand That Addiction Is a Disease.
Children are aware that things are not normal, but they may be confused. They need to understand that their parent is “sick” with a disease — alcoholism or addiction to drugs — which will help them make sense of their parent’s behavior. What I have learned in my years in treating addiction is that a child having insight into their parent’s behavior will add to their resilience.
2. Remind Children That it’s Not Their Fault.
Children tend to blame themselves for their parent’s behavior as they hear statements from their parent that blame them for things being the way they are — for example, “If only I could have some peace and quiet, I would not feel the need to drink.” It’s critically important to let children know, repeatedly if needed, that their parents’ addiction is not their fault.
3. Let Children Know They Are Not Alone.
I’ve repeatedly seen children of people suffering from substance use disorders learn to avoid speaking honestly, and to discount, minimize and rationalize their feelings. They need to know that they are not alone and that it’s OK to feel the way they feel, share their feelings and learn to express their feelings appropriately, including anger. Repressing their feelings could eventually lead to behavioral problems.
[See: 9 Things to Do or Say When a Loved One Talks About Taking Their Life.]
4. Teach Children to Problem Solve.
Children who live with parents using substances are often left to fend for themselves. They may come back to an empty home or have to fix a meal for themselves, and sometimes they may face neglect. Educating these children about the range of options available to them helps them better cope with their situation.
5. Link Children to Supportive People and Support Groups.
Identifying and connecting these children to significant people in their lives who can provide a sense of belonging and acceptance is crucial. Such people can help the child not have to act out a survival role. It could be a grandparent, an uncle or an aunt. Linking them to support groups such as Alateen may also be helpful.
[See: How to Find the Best Mental Health Professional for You.]
6. Help a Child Be a Child.
Children whose parent(s) suffer from substance use disorders often grow up quickly. However, a child is not an adult, and he or she needs an opportunity to have fun and act like a kid. Anything you can do to keep these children busy and laughing gives them a sense of normalcy. It helps let them know there’s more to life than their experiences behind closed doors.
Providing children trapped in families dealing with addiction a chance to heal is one of the best gifts they can receive at that point in their lives. The above tips can be help these children overcome their circumstances and eventually lead normal lives.
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Talking to Kids About Their Parents’ Addiction originally appeared on usnews.com
