Pediatric health care is by its very nature holistic. Not only do we have the opportunity to treat acute illnesses, we can guide and support child development. We often think of the physical or cognitive stages of development but we must also remember to nurture the emotional aspects of a child’s growth. There is no curriculum to teach, there is no single instructor. Rather, these are lessons learned at the hands of society. In the world today, civility is one of the most important of these tutorials. But it seems as if it’s slipping away.
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The true meaning of civility is somewhat in the eye of the beholder but several scholars have attempted to define it. At its simplest, it is courtesy and politeness. Many have described it as the outward expression of the value of others, a straightforward recognition of humanity. Or, simply stated, putting the common good above our self-interest. Whatever definition we use, it seems that civility is amorphous subject matter that relies on the world as a classroom.
Interestingly, children are hard-wired to be kind when they are born. As early as toddlerhood, they will show empathy, for example lending a peer their blankie when they perceive an injury or sadness. By school age, when children are able to understand their own emotions, they begin to show compassion by both action and word. Then we hit middle school, the denizens of which are commonly known as the ” mean girls,” and the kindness once so evident seems much harder to find. As time goes on, the hard-wired kindness from birth may reappear, but not always. Where does it go? Why is it so hard to conjure up with age?
Many factors seem to contribute to the demise of civility over time. Children are incredible observers and mimics. If the prominent figures in their lives, which can change with time, act with disregard for others, kids will emulate that behavior. After all, children do learn what they live. It starts with the inner circle of nuclear family but over time includes peers, teachers, public servants and celebrities. As these role models erode their civil behavior, the humanity that is inborn begins to dissolve.
In addition, television, video games and social media are huge teachers in life lessons for all of us, children included. These venues can be very valuable but if not monitored closely, they can change the course of social development very quickly. In the worst-case scenario, this can lead to increases in violent behavior, societies in conflict and political division, all of which are not hard to demonstrate in the world today.
[See: 9 Ways Watching TV Can Shorten or Ruin Your Life.]
So can we change this shift away from civility and preserve the innate kindness that people are born with? There are many things we can instill in our behavior to nurture humanity in each other, and most of all, in our children.
First, we start at home. By thinking, speaking and acting with an open mind, we can set the frame of reference for children that can persist throughout their lives. We can teach the concept of always looking out — seeing others first and not expecting anything in return. This will breed awareness of things beyond the self and foster tolerance and acceptance, critical elements of civility. It will grow the innate seeds of empathy and kindness and eventually, teach respect for others both like and unlike ourselves.
We can model restraint and self-control. We can still allow human discourse and debate — in fact that is paramount to our ability to continuously improve the human condition. But we must listen and respond thoughtfully instead of just dominating the conversation. We must hear other opinions and adopt the best ones. The ones that do not elevate the human condition can be disposed of as long as it is done with respect.
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We can apologize when we are wrong and we can change. We can share stories of events that helped shape us and taught us kindness throughout our life. Social media can promote acts of kindness and joy in 140 characters or less. We can write better stories and better blogs that lead to conversations about preservation of the ideal human situation. We can hold ourselves to the highest standard of compassion and civility. We can emulate societies that really do subscribe to the “it takes a village” concept when it comes to raising children to be responsible and caring human beings. The entire society takes on the child rearing and demonstrates in daily activity and interaction how to live a compassionate and caring life.
For us to do that in all societies, we must first demand civility in our public servants and politicians. We must take a stand against incivility and let others know it is not the way for a thriving society to exist. Our media must stop lauding those with celebrity status who have histories of behaviors that are antonyms of the desired, such as domestic violence and illegal behavior. Rather, let’s hold up those who do charitable work and make the world a better place. Ignore the rogues and they will cease to be relevant.
Maybe civility is not such a vague concept at all. Recently it was described as standing up and taking responsibility for the feelings of others. Maybe we don’t need to teach our children the lesson. Maybe they have the answer and the grownups of the world, especially those of high influence, should be the ones taking the notes. And writing better blogs as part of the textbook.
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Children Are Hard-Wired to Be Kind. So Why Does Civility Dwindle? originally appeared on usnews.com
