As a pediatrician, I get questions from parents almost weekly about how to monitor and moderate their children’s screen time, especially their use of social media. Parents want their kids to spend less time on their phones and more time connecting in real life.
However, parents don’t seem as concerned about their own use of social media and how they’re representing their children online. Perhaps they should be.
It’s common for parents to post about their children online. In fact, more than 90 percent of American children have an online presence before the age of 2, according to a study by the internet security firm AVG.
We share so much there’s now a term for it: sharenting. Sharenting describes parents’ habitual use of social media to share news and images of their children — whether it’s poking fun at a pouty teen at a museum or a toddler in the midst of potty-training, proudly clad in Spiderman briefs.
[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]
Sharing the highs and lows of parenthood can create camaraderie and support. But before we enter into the social media space, we need to consider whether we are potentially compromising our children’s safety, embarrassing them or violating their privacy with online postings that will linger for years to come. The potty-training post, for example, could mortify your child as a teen — or worse, it could attract a pedophile, even with privacy settings.
As a mother of three who enjoys social media, I see both the benefits and risks of sharing our parenting experiences online.
We tap into a support network to get us through those difficult moments. An online support community can be crucial for parents whose children have health, emotional or behavioral struggles. Social media can help families stay connected with distant relatives. Video chats with grandparents benefit both kids and adults.
But a darker side to all of this online connectivity potentially exists:
— Posting about our children can put them at risk of identity theft and digital kidnapping, which is when someone copies pictures of a child and then uses the pictures, claiming to be the parent.
— Their photographs can be copied and reposted on webpages frequented by pedophiles.
— Posts can fuel bullying — online or in person.
— If parents share without their children’s permission, they may create a sense of mistrust and disrespect between them.
[Read: Do Your Children Tell the Truth?]
Given that most of these outcomes are uncommon, I’m most concerned about the lack of respect and communication between parents and their children. Many children now come of age with a digital footprint created by their parents before they’ve had any say in it. Their stories have been told without their input, and understandably teens may resent this.
Before posting online about my kids, I ask them for input and permission. I give them veto power. They differ in their sense of privacy: One wants me to share very little about his life, while two are comfortable with almost anything. All of them appreciate being asked.
By asking for input and permission, parents are not only showing respect for their children and their sense of identity and privacy, they are also modeling good digital behavior. We are showing our children that it’s not OK to talk about others online or post pictures of them without asking for permission first.
Adapted from a 2016 legal paper on children’s privacy in social media, these guidelines are helpful to keep in mind before posting online about your children:
— First, ask yourself who will benefit from the post. If you’re not posting pictures, comments or information about your children for their benefit (to help them bond and communicate with distant relatives, for example), skip it.
— Before you share online, be sure you’d be just as comfortable sharing the same information in public — because you are.
— Do not discuss your children’s behavioral or emotional struggles.
— Do not share information about your child’s location, since this can put your young one at risk.
— Before posting about your children, ask yourself how they might feel in the future about what you’re sharing.
— Never post pictures of children of any age in any state of undress, even a baby in a bath tub. Such pictures can be copied and reposted on sites used by pedophiles.
— Do not include their full name and birth date in your social feeds — such as with a birth announcement. Doing so risks identity theft.
— Know the privacy settings on the platforms you use, but also understand that even posts shared with closed groups can reach a wider audience than intended.
— Set up an alert on Google for your kids’ names to track where information about them appears.
[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]
Sharing our parenting journey with family, friends and support groups is valuable and it’s here to stay. But before we hit the “post” button, let’s be mindful and carefully consider the consequences by asking who our sharenting serves and how it may negatively affect our kids. Let’s create an online world that’s safe, considerate and supportive, and share stories that make everyone feel comfortable.
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Sharenting: Do You Share Too Much About Your Children on Social Media? originally appeared on usnews.com
