One clear message of the 2016 presidential election is that we are a very divided nation.
This division on both social and economic issues has amplified the distress and upset of all sides not only on a macro level of communities, but also on a micro level of families, friends and colleagues. Many couples, families and friends have been reporting arguments of epic proportions sometimes resulting in the implosion of the relationship. Additionally, many parents are finding it difficult to speak to their children about understanding and dealing with the conflict that occurs post-election.
It’s likely these divisions will be around for the foreseeable future. So what can you do to protect your relationships and parent your children through the post-election emotional chaos?
[See: How to Be a Good Listener.]
Civil Disagreement
Disagreeing with a family member or partner is normal and even healthy. Screaming and saying hurtful things is not. The key is recognizing that the relationship itself matters more than convincing the other person you are right.
It’s important to understand that political views are ideas, not the person. By recognizing this truth, you can disagree and discuss your differences in a more detached manner. Or, if you feel especially passionate about a particular political topic, you may choose to tell your family member or friend that this is a topic the two of you need to avoid talking about altogether. The important thing is to remember that you can stridently oppose an idea, and still love the person.
Children are facing the same issues at school and home. They are running up against friends, teachers and family members who have differing viewpoints. As a parent, it’s important to teach them how to maintain relationships and be able to disagree while still remaining connected.
Children tend to see the election very much as winner-takes-all contest — whereby the winner establishes the values we all must hold. Thankfully our political system is much more complex and nuanced than this. Talk to your child about what a democracy means, how checks and balances work, which values and policy ideas you agree with, which you don’t, and why. Let your child ask questions, and listen to what they are concerned about. Sometimes what’s making them anxious isn’t what you might expect. In answering, it’s OK to say, “I don’t know, and I’ll get back to you on that,” so that you have some time to think about how you’d like to answer.
Children tap into their parent’s anxiety level as well. So if you’re feeling fearful it’s best to attend to your own anxiety first before talking to them about theirs. Knowing that their day-to-day lives will mostly be the same — that they will go to school and come home to their family who love them — is most reassuring to children. Avoid forecasting future disasters that may not happen to kids. In acknowledging uncertainty, let your child know of your plans to tackle any challenges that your family may face.
[See: 11 Simple, Proven Ways to Optimize Your Mental Health.]
Talking to Kids About Your Political Views
You can also discuss a leadership figure’s ideas without making it personal. For example, let your children know that you strongly disagree with a political position or idea, but stop short of name-calling the politician. This is important not only in terms of modeling best behavior, but to allow for a freer discussion of ideas in your home.
For children, the issue of tolerance and bullying is front and center post-election. Bullying is not new and we know from research that it has damaging and long-term consequences. Children can be taught empathy and kindness, and that it’s never OK to bully and say cruel things to others no matter how much you disagree with them. But they also must be taught how to stand up for others when they witness bullying. The more bystanders who confront bullying, the quicker this behavior recedes. Create an open environment at home where your child can report to you if anyone is bullying them, and make it clear that they will have your support in dealing with the situation.
[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]
The election was a disturbing reminder of how much words can hurt and how difficult it is to move on from hurtful words once they are personalized and spoken. Help yourself and your children to remember that loving relationships are perhaps everyone’s most valuable commodity. It will take extra effort to not let personal beliefs supersede those relationships that — given our current state of disunion — we need now more than ever.
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Parenting in a Divided Nation: How to Preserve Vital Relationships originally appeared on usnews.com
