At some point, usually not too far into our lives, we experience significant loss and become all too familiar with grief. More than just a sense of loss, grief is experienced as a traumatic event. While that sentiment can follow any number of losses, including that of a job, beloved pet, friendship, perceived future dreams or end of a romance, it is most acutely felt after the death of a loved one. The death may be sudden and unexpected or anticipated. Either way, the pain will inevitably come.
[See: Am I Sad or Actually Depressed?]
Most grief reactions fall into the spectrum of expected, relatively short-term periods of sadness. The outward expression of grief, mourning, is a method of expressing sadness in a safe and socially acceptable manner. Indeed, absence of these feelings after such a significant loss would be in conflict with accepted social norms. Every grief reaction has both physical and emotional signs and symptoms: short-term inability to attend school, work or social functions; overwhelming exhaustion resulting in lethargy; chronic fatigue that is secondary to sleep disturbances, which are most often characterized by waking up during sleep with difficulty returning to restful slumber.
In 90 percent of cases, grief reactions will slowly ebb over time and there will be a return to a new normal with the occasional exacerbation related to specific triggers such as birthdays or holidays. However, 10 percent of people will not recover as expected and may develop a prolonged grief disorder.
In these cases, the sadness remains overwhelming and lasts more than six to 12 months. Cases that will evolve to this level are difficult to predict, although risks seem higher in females, African-Americans and in those with a positive family history of prolonged grief disorder. The pain does not fade with time and is as acute as the moment the trauma occurred. Symptoms are significantly more pronounced. Emotional manifestations include irritability, numbness, bitterness, fear, loneliness, detachment, preoccupation with loss and anhedonia, the inability to experience or express joy.
[See: 11 Simple, Proven Ways to Optimize Your Mental Health.]
The syndrome may also manifest by having stress show up as physical as well as psychological symptoms. Digestive disorders, including nausea and vomiting or anorexia, are commonly seen. Fatigue, headaches, achiness and sore muscles are often reported. Hormonal changes stimulated by an exaggerated grief response may affect the immune system allowing for more than the usual number of infectious illnesses in the individual. In addition, chest pain and palpitations may occur — symptoms of a truly broken heart.
Since prolonged grief reaction is often not a comfortable topic of conversation in social circles, it may be ignored or avoided. People may at some point decide that “tough love” is a way to snap someone out of the syndrome. If not dealt with appropriately or not even recognized, it can progress to other unhealthy or risk behaviors like addiction, depression and suicidal thoughts.
[See: 9 Things to Do or Say When a Loved One Talks About Ending Their Life.]
To help those on the journey to find their new normal — and to identify the potential for prolonged grief disorder — we need to stay close and be attentive. Support from family and friends is crucial, and this group can often identify grief outside the expected parameters more quickly. Being willing to acknowledge the concern to the grieving individual is the first step in helping him or her deal directly with the issue.
After identifying the risk, several strategies might be beneficial. Getting enough rest and staying busy is a tough balance to strike but critical to recovery. Group activities often lend themselves well to grief-support. Encouraging some positive expression of deep and puzzling emotions, such as through journaling, may be beneficial.
It is also important to recognize when support from loved ones isn’t having enough of an effect. If the response to the trauma and the support efforts seem beyond the expected, involving a trusted primary caregiver or a grief counselor early may avert the development of a complicated grief disorder. Evidence of addiction or suicidal thoughts requires immediate outside assistance from a trained professional.
Dealing with loss is the deepest of pain. When we are called to the side of a loved one suffering from an emotional trauma, we want to soothe but often our own discomfort in dealing with grief becomes the elephant in the room and gets in the way of positive support. We want to say all of the right things including “take care of yourself.” Sometimes, sharing grief by demonstrating your own sadness can at least allow someone to know that sharing is appropriate and will be met with unconditional support. Other times, being present in quiet solidarity is enough.
The best we can do is never let anyone walk alone and stay with a grieving loved one until the new normal arrives, whatever that may be. That and time may truly be the only way to mend a broken heart.
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Help for the Grief-Stricken Heart originally appeared on usnews.com
