The No. 1 ingredient for a successful marriage is successful communication. The ability to communicate with your partner in a completely open fashion about everything from intimacy to personal goals is the single most important element you and your partner can cultivate.
That communication starts before your wedding day. If you’re going to make a lifelong commitment to each other, you need to establish open and equal communication.
At the same time, money is the single biggest issue that causes most fights among couples. Therefore, it makes sense that a couple considering marriage should sit down and have a series of deep and open conversations about money. Not only will that process help the couple figure out their communication issues, it will also help them dig through the complexities of their financial issues and really figure out their compatibility.
Here are six money conversations you should have before you ever tie the knot.
1. Where do we envision ourselves at our five-, 10- and 25-year anniversaries?
In other words, what do you each envision for your shared future? Do you see children? Do you see a rural, urban or suburban life? Do you see a continued career path or a shift in a different direction?
It’s OK to have some differences. No two people are going to have the exact same vision for the future. The key is that you’re communicating those differences to each other and working together to figure out the best path for the both of you.
The clearer you both are about the shared path forward, the better your financial decisions will be as you work toward your goals.
2. What financial obligations do we currently have, and what ones will we have in the future?
Are there children already in the picture? How are they being provided for? Are there siblings or parents who will require financial care in the future? Are there medical issues that will eventually pop up? What can you expect in terms of future expenses from these obligations?
Those expenses aren’t just going to drain one of you — they’re going to drain both of you. You will no longer have truly separate finances, because if one of you has a serious expense on his or her plate, then that will cause that spouse’s finances to shift in a challenging direction.
3. What are our individual debt situations?
Are either of you debt-free? How much credit card debt do you each have? How much student loan debt? Do either of you have a mortgage or a car loan? Do you have any savings for a down payment or for future automobiles?
Debt is about to cease being an individual burden and become a shared burden. A debt carried by one of you is going to affect your shared financial situation, holding you both down. It is far better to be completely open about this so you can develop a shared debt repayment plan rather than hide the debt and keep it private.
4. What do our credit histories look like?
This is naturally tied to the question of individual debt, but it also deals with other financial mistakes in the past. You should look up your credit reports together and see what kind of negative marks — like late payments — might keep you from getting a mortgage or a car loan together.
This isn’t a judgment on each other’s past mistakes, but it can indicate that one or both of you has a problem in terms of staying on top of finances.
5. What do our individual retirement savings look like?
Have either of you started saving for retirement? What do your respective balances look like?
Not only is this important in terms of figuring out when you can retire together, but it’s also important in terms of understanding how much you will each need to save during the years of your marriage. A person with lots of retirement savings has more breathing room than someone with nothing put aside for the future. The answer is also a good indication of how forward-thinking your future partner really is.
6. Should we have a prenuptial agreement?
In other words, should you enter into a legal arrangement that describes how assets would be separated in the event of your marriage ending? Such a document can make a divorce much easier, but discussing it can create disagreements.
Every couple will have different feelings on this issue, but it’s a question most couples should at least consider before marriage, particularly if either partner enters the marriage with significant assets.
All these issues are important for a couple on the verge of marriage to discuss. If you find these issues difficult to talk about, you should either work together on communication issues or consider that your relationship isn’t ready for marriage.
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6 Money Conversations You Need to Have Before Getting Married originally appeared on usnews.com
