News stories about violence — especially those that include graphic images of an event caught in real time, such as the shooting death of conservative activist Charlie Kirk — may not be fully understood by children, but they are often more aware of current events than adults realize.
From news headlines to the social media that even very young children may have access to, children can be exposed to disturbing images and videos.
So how do you help them process it?
“You want to keep it simple and age-appropriate,” Dr. Anisha Abraham, chief of the Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine at Children’s National Hospital, said. “You want to avoid detailed explanations, but just really focus on safety.”
The message to younger children, Abraham said, should be along these lines: “You are safe. There are adults and grown-ups, your family members, teachers, who are here to protect you.”
While it’s important to recognize the impact of disturbing news stories, Abraham said, “You might want to also avoid overexplaining, try to limit their exposure.”
And she said it can be helpful to have them identify their feelings, whether that’s fear, sadness or anger.
For older children, especially high school students, more detail and nuance can be included in discussions. Middle and high schoolers are doing more exploring of the outside world, and may be learning about current events and controversial topics in school.
Older children are often sorting through feelings with friends, and may not immediately seek out their parents.
“They may not want to speak about it, ” Abraham said. “They also might again feel confused, or angry or feel disillusioned.”
Teenagers and middle schoolers are typically online more frequently than younger children, and Abraham said her own teenage son came to her Wednesday afternoon, letting her know he’d seen the graphic images of Charlie Kirk in the moments after he was fatally shot.
Abraham told him that she would not be seeking out the video and added, “What’s out there is really difficult to see, and let’s talk about that.”
Parents concerned about how their teens are dealing with their feelings can start with what Abraham calls a “check-in.”
“I personally think it’s important to limit re-exposure because that can sometimes retraumatize young people,” Abraham said.
It’s important to remember that a child may not race to their parents to talk about things that upset them, Abraham said. They may find that with time, they are more worried, scared or confused.
“Kids may not think about it initially, but later it can really impact them,” Abraham said.
That’s why she said it’s important to keep the door to more discussion open, and in the meantime, provide them with positive news and inspiring stories.
Adults and the toll of political violence
Adults can also struggle with the way exposure to violence, including political violence, can leave them feeling, according to another expert.
Andrea Bonior, psychology professor and licensed clinical psychologist at Georgetown University, told WTOP about the impact that violent images can have when they pop up on social media feeds.
“I think it’s horrifying because I don’t think we were built or made or wired to constantly be exposed to violent imagery,” Bonior said.
The nature of technology, with algorithms that can send violent images into social media feeds, means, “We do have to take matters into our own hands and really set limits and be aware of what we might see,” Bonior said.
Bonier said adults should know that it’s not unusual to find that days or even weeks may go by before the impact of images, videos or disturbing news accounts fade.
“It will take time, because our nervous system basically takes time to reset,” she said.
Bonior recommended avoiding overexposure to sources of upsetting stories.
“Watch your exposure, make sure you aren’t seeing it over and over,” she said.
And she said seeing those violent acts can have an impact that goes beyond the initial shock.
“Try to notice your bodily response. Once we’ve had that trauma response of seeing a trauma happening to somebody else, we often have our nervous systems on high alert,” she said.
In those cases, Bonior said, self-care becomes critical. She suggested relaxation exercises, sufficient sleep and spending time outdoors and away from screens.
The political divide
Bonior said the bitterness of the political divide is on full display on social media.
“I think it’s really important that we seek connection, but connection in the right ways,” she said.
People may scroll through their social media seeking connection, “but then we’re probably getting more inflamed,” Bonior said.
Instead of scrolling, Bonior suggested going for a walk with a friend or texting within a trusted friend group.
“When we see things online at a rapid pace and people respond to things without thinking it through and they’re not face to face, we’re bound to just inflame situations, and I think we lose a bit of our humanity,” Bonior said.
Bonior added that when political attacks are so heated that empathy is seen as weakness, that’s “heartbreaking.” Empathy, Bonior said, is a source of strength.
“Empathy helps us actually build human connection,” she said. “And we know that in this epidemic of loneliness and this epidemic of anger and anxiety, if we tune out our empathy, it’s just going to make us more miserable.”
The impact on young adults
Bonior, who teaches at Georgetown University, said for the younger generation, the impact of Charlie Kirk’s violent death generated “really big feelings across the spectrum.”
“I think there’s a lot of real concern in young people right now about the world that they’re inheriting as adults and the way that things feel so divisive and so polarized and so driven by anger,” Bonior said.
Bonior added it is important for adults of all ages to take time to pause and reflect before taking to social media to state their opinion on the very latest event.
“I think that taking that deep breath and realizing that we might not be the first to comment on something and that might be a strength rather than a weakness — I think that’s really important,” she said.
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