Children in homes where domestic violence is occurring are often traumatized, even when they are not the target of the violence, but witness it.
Mindy Thiel is the executive director of Chesapeake Counseling Associates. Her practice provides services for children affected by domestic violence through the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office and the Family Justice Center. While she’s also worked with children across the state of Maryland, she said in Montgomery County alone, “There are thousands of protection orders that are issued each year.”
“We have children who have witnessed homicides and suicides. We have had children who’ve witnessed attempted murders,” and overall, Thiel told WTOP, domestic violence “is incredibly common.”
Thiel said when she explains how common domestic violence is, clients feel less alone.
“How much relief that provides for them is incredible,” she said.
And Thiel said there is no sector of society untouched by domestic violence.
“This is something, we have worked with kids in every zip code, at every income level, various religious, cultural, socioeconomic backgrounds,” she said.
One of the reasons the impact of domestic violence carried out by parents, including when it’s directed at their partners, is so damaging, Thiel said, is because, “Our parents are supposed to be our caregivers. Our parents are supposed to be, when we are younger, our means of survival.”
Knowing a parent — or both parents — can’t be counted on to provide a safe environment, she said, is damaging.
“It certainly will create this great sense of insecurity,” Thiel said.
In younger children, that can result in clingy behavior and regression. It can also cause sleep issues. Some behaviors around sleep disturbance can include “waking up in the middle of the night, or kids who don’t want to be in a room by themselves sleeping.”
Thiel said she sees instances of kids “who have nightmares or night terrors, and again, all of this actually can apply to adolescents and adults as well. ”
Thiel uses a form of therapeutic treatment called Safe Start designed specifically for children affected by domestic violence. Restoring a child’s sense of security is the focus, Thiel said.
“Just being present, just being able to sit in a room with another adult for a certain amount of time and feel safe — feel like their psychologically safe and feel like they’re physically safe,” she said.
Another thing Thiel emphasized is even for those clients who have been exposed to extreme cases of domestic violence, “There’s a better life out there.”
“There are many, many clients we’ve worked with who, you know, have gone to college, graduate school, are successful professionals,” and she said, “have started their own families.”
Where to find help
Smita Varia is the program manager at the Montgomery County Family Justice Center at the Sheriff’s Office.
“We’re kind of known as the one-stop shop for domestic violence victims and their families,” Varia said.
Among the services provided, Varia said, are walking people through the process of applying for and getting protective orders, developing safety plans and assisting with basic needs.
“We can help people get into shelter.”
And, she said, the center provides career counseling so that, “if they need a job, to be able to stabilize their home after they leave their partner, we’re able to help them with that as well.”
Often, people outside the home will call to get help for those affected by domestic violence.
“We get referrals from anywhere — from doctors’ offices, churches, the police, other agencies and also schools as well, because a lot of times children may show signs where they’re living in an unstable household, where there is conflict,” she said.
Varia said among the behaviors teachers or other adults might see in children witnessing domestic violence, “children who are withdrawing, who have trouble with attachment. So the younger children may revert back to an earlier stage of childhood, where you might see a toddler start crawling again or sucking their thumb as a way of comfort.”
With older children, Varia said, “They may be misbehaving. They may be skipping school. They may not want to be separated from the parent that’s being abused. They may not be sleeping, either because they can’t fall asleep because of the violence that’s happening, or because they are so worried about the violence that may happen, which then in school, translates to maybe falling asleep in school or not being able to concentrate.”
In addition to watching out for children, Varia offered advice for assisting partners who are being abused.
“If you’re worried about somebody, I know that a lot of times, our first gut reaction is to say, ‘Leave the relationship.’ However, unfortunately, the most dangerous time for a victim is when they do try to leave, because domestic violence is all about power and control, and at that point, the abuser feels that they’re losing that power and control. So the violence might escalate.”
Varia said all the services that are offered through the Family Justice Center are free to residents. Anyone can walk in and calls are taken between 8:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. Monday through Friday.
In cases where residents need help outside those hours, Varia said people can call 911 or the county’s 24-hour crisis line at 240-777-4000.
Below are domestic violence resources for other counties in the D.C. region.
Prince George’s County: Domestic Violence Assistance
Fairfax County: Domestic and Sexual Violence Services
Arlington County: Domestic Violence resources
Loudoun County: Domestic Violence Unit
District of Columbia: Local Domestic Violence Resources
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