WASHINGTON — The gift exchange is done, and everyone received a material emblem of a loved one’s love.
And to you, that emblem is otherwise worthless.
Nonetheless, (false) gratitude was expressed with a (forced) smile — and that emblem of love now sits on a dining room table. There’s no room in the attic, and the trash seems a bit harsh. So scratch those. Regift, perhaps? Tempting, but tacky.
That leaves a white elephant party. It’s a somewhat-obscure tradition that brings together The Family We Choose. Such gifts are (lovingly) dumped off on someone else — and hopefully, everyone ends up with something they like.
“For being the host of a party, this is flawless, because it’s easy entertainment,” said Colleen Ryan of Great Falls, Virginia. She’s thrown such parties for neighbors, co-workers and other friends for about a decade, and they’ve become something of a holiday tradition.
But while they’re easy entertainment, they can easily dissolve into chaos if guidelines aren’t agreed upon first. So here are some of the crucial elements of a proper white elephant party (compiled during hours of almost-exhaustive research).
The number of invitees is kept manageable. If you invite a group that’s too large, you might be risking something that goes go into the wee hours. That said, Ryan has thrown parties with over 60 participants, she said, and things actually went smoothly. (“Every single guest is at full attention waiting, like they think a case of cash is about to be opened,” she said. “I mean, they are intently focused.”)
Each invitee brings an unwanted, wrapped present. These are placed in a pile. (“Sometimes people like to bring multiple gifts, and I have to remind them this is not a donation site,” Ryan said.)
Everyone draws a number from a hat to determine the order they’ll go in. The participants then sit in a circle around these presents per the assigned order.
The first person in order picks out a present and opens it.
Each subsequent person in order either …
- Picks out another present from the pile and opens it, or
- “Steals” a previously opened present. The theft “victim” then has the option of either …
- Picking out another present from the pile or
- Stealing another previously opened present
And so on. Each turn ends when a gift has been opened. As this all progresses, “stealing” evolves into a forced swapping.
A present can be stolen only once per turn. A limit can also be set on how many times that given present can be stolen overall. In some variants, another limit is placed on how many times someone can be the victim of theft: After the final theft hits the limit, that person is “frozen” with whatever present he/she then opens or steals.
After everyone has had a turn, the first person in order gets their own chance to swap for any other opened gift. (Aforementioned limits don’t apply in this final round.) It proceeds accordingly until no one else wants to swap.
Other optional variants:
- Maintain the mystery by not unwrapping presents until the very end.
- Combine the party with a Secret Santa tradition.
- Serve alcohol. (It’s a good icebreaker, Ryan said.)
Tweak the rules as you see fit. As long as you’re focused on fun, you’re doing it right.
Oh, wait. One last thing: Ryan recommends this rule, after a few incidents of left-behind gifts (e.g., a statue and a flock of plastic pink flamingos): “You must take your gift home with you at the end of the night. You cannot leave the gift in my home.”
When executed properly, the white elephant party should serve not only as a nice epilogue to the holiday gift back-and-forth, but also as a fun transition to the New Year’s countdown.
And best of all, that unwanted emblem of love might end up with someone who loves it back.
