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Ranking the NCAA Tournament team mascots, 68-1

Noah Frank | nfrank@wtop.com

March 19, 2015, 3:10 AM

#68 Crimson — Harvard #67 Utes — Utah #66 Crusaders — Valparaiso #65 Blue Devils — Duke #64 Fighting Irish — Notre Dame #63 Musketeers — Xavier #62 Cavaliers — Virginia #61 Colonials — Robert Morris Seriously, what is happening with this group? Weirdly dated religious references? Anti-American fighters? Anyway, congrats, Harvard – it’s your turn to be dead last at something. A color isn’t a mascot. Even your newspaper (which goes by the same name) knows so. (AP Photo/Bob Leverone)
AP Photo/Bob Leverone
#60 Buckeyes — Ohio State #59 Aggies — New Mexico State #58 Cardinals — Louisville #57 Eagles — Eastern Washington #56 Chanticleers — Coastal Carolina Shrubby flowers and birds? Not impressed. And don’t try to sell me on that teal rooster. There’s originality, and then there’s simply trying too hard. (AP Photo/Gerry Broome)
AP Photo/Gerry Broome
#55 Red Storm — St. John’s #54 Wildcats — Arizona #53 Wildcats — Villanova #52 Wildcats — Davidson #51 Wildcats — Kentucky Booooorinnng. I’m sure “Wildcats” seemed real original when you first adopted it, but when there are nearly 30 schools using the same name, it gets a little old. Speaking of… (AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)
AP Photo/Mark Humphrey
#50 Cougars — BYU #49 Bulldogs — Georgia #48 Bulldogs — Gonzaga #47 Bulldogs — Butler #46 Hoyas — Georgetown There are also 27 Cougars out there, and 39 Bulldogs. Thirty-nine. At least Georgetown had the presence of mind to change the name up a bit. (AP Photo/Michael Conroy)
AP Photo/Michael Conroy
#45 Tigers — Texas Southern #44 Tigers — LSU #43 Panthers — Georgia State #42 Panthers — Northern Iowa #41 Leopards — Lafayette You’re next, generic cats. There’s nothing wrong with any of these, but nothing particularly right, either. Lafayette takes home the group’s top mark for originality and alliteration. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)
AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall
#40 Bearcats — Cincinnati #39 Bruins — UCLA #38 Bruins — Belmont #37 Bears – Baylor #36 Huskies — Northeastern Time for the many varieties of Bears. The Bearcats bring up the rear, because what in the world is a Bearcat? Also, Belmont rates ahead of UCLA because they aren’t UCLA. The somewhat generic Huskies round out the group. (AP Photo/LM Otero)
AP Photo/LM Otero
#35 Bison — North Dakota State #34 Pirates — Hampton #33 Spartans — Michigan State #32 Aztecs — San Diego State #31 Friars — Providence Consider this the non-American peoples group. Pirates and Spartans are fairly commonplace, but Aztecs and Friars are more memorable. Why are the Bison in here? As punishment, for knocking out a potential top 10 (or even top five) team in their conference tournament, the South Dakota State Jackrabbits. (AP Photo/Young Kwak)
AP Photo/Young Kwak
#30 Hawkeyes — Iowa #29 Shockers — Wichita State #28 Hoosiers — Indiana #27 Sooners — Oklahoma #26 Jayhawks — Kansas This group is like a U.S. history lesson. I’ll give credit to these plains schools for finding something uniquely theirs, but each one feels like it’s trying a little too hard. The Hawkeye has nothing to do with the bird, but is actually derived from Last of the Mohicans. The Jayhawk isn’t a real bird, but rather a term for free state ruffians from the Civil War. Not bad, but not the best, either. (AP Photo/Pat Sullivan)
AP Photo/Pat Sullivan
#25 Cowboys — Wyoming #24 Cowboys — Oklahoma State #23 Broncos — Boise State #22 Mustangs — SMU #21 Longhorns — Texas The ‘Murica group comes in strong to round out the top 20. Cowboys and their horses can be a stereotypical image of the Wild West, but one that’s embraced by many schools west of the Mississippi. Meanwhile, the Longhorns have become one of the most symbolic logos and mascots in college sports. (AP Photo/Michael Thomas)
AP Photo/Michael Thomas
#20 Rebels — Ole Miss #19 Mountaineers — West Virginia #18 Boilermakers — Purdue #17 Tar Heels — North Carolina #16 Flyers — Dayton To crack the top 20, you needed to bring some of that state pride of those plains schools without the questionable etymology. You have to love Dayton’s homage to the Wright Brothers, who invented the airplane in that town. Purdue’s homegrown nickname might have placed them even higher, if not for that mascot, which is frightening enough to induce nightmares in even the heartiest of children. (AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)
AP Photo/Mark Humphrey
#15 Bulls — Buffalo #14 Rams — VCU #13 Razorbacks — Arkansas #12 Badgers — Wisconsin #11 Wolfpack — North Carolina State Just missing the top 10 are a group of animal mascots each iconic in their own way. Buffalo ties in nicely with its pro team, while Arkansas stands out in an SEC loaded with boring nicknames. The badger shouldn’t be ferocious, but it works for Wisconsin, especially since it looks just like head coach Bo Ryan. (AP Photo/Gareth Patterson)
AP Photo/Gareth Patterson
#10 Cyclones — Iowa State Not only does this name have a regional tie, with Iowa topping the north end of Tornado Alley, but it aptly describes this year’s whirlwind offense. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)
AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall
#9 Osprey — North Florida Buffalo Wild Wings missed their target by one year with their ad campaign…perhaps they’ll revive it in North Florida’s honor. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)
#8 Jaspers — Manhattan Named for Brother Jasper of Mary, who first brought baseball to the school, Manhattan sports a great nickname. And if you believe the school’s website, Br. Jasper himself is responsible for the invention of the seventh-inning stretch. (Manhattan Jaspers)
Manhattan Jaspers
#7 Terrapins — Maryland Fear. The. Turtle. The Terps make one of the strangest mascots in the land work for them. Testudo is such a force, he’s already begun to assimilate Gary Williams and has his eyes set on Mark Turgeon next. (AP Photo/Patrick Semansky)
AP Photo/Patrick Semansky
#6 Terriers — Wofford This shouldn’t work for Wofford, but it does. Look at that face. Just look at it. (vetstreet.com)
vetstreet.com
#5 Blazers — UAB Simply going by the Dragons wouldn’t be enough for UAB to rise this high on the list. The unique play on the word came from the student-voted poll, as the university hoped to blaze a trail for college athletics. Unfortunately, UAB shuttered its football program this year, so it’s up to basketball to lead the way now. (Getty Images/Jonathan Ferry)
Getty Images/Jonathan Ferry
#4 Great Danes — Albany My colleague Dave Preston believes the Albany Great Dane looks like Scooby-Doo. The cartoon version certainly has a crime-fighter quality to him, but regardless of any celebrity resemblance, it’s clear Albany owns the dog mascot realm. (AP Photo/David J. Phillip)
AP Photo/David J. Phillip
#3 Ducks — Oregon We tend to forget just how great the Oregon Duck is. From the fitting animal for the school’s locale, to the personality it has become, it’s hard to beat the Duck. (AP Photo)
AP Photo
#2 Lumberjacks — Stephen F. Austin A man. A man and his axe. A man, his purple axe, and a purpose, to lift this scrappy set of sharpshooters to the Sweet 16. (AP Photo/Gregory Bull)
AP Photo/Gregory Bull
Peter the Anteater photo: Steve Zylius/UC Irvine Communications
#1 Anteaters — UC Irvine Was there ever really any other choice? The mascot is an anteater. Named Peter. The only thing that would be better is if they went back to the version from 1985. (Steve Zylius/UC Irvine Communications)
Steve Zylius/UC Irvine Communications
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Peter the Anteater photo: Steve Zylius/UC Irvine Communications

WASHINGTON — There are plenty of ways to enjoy March Madness. You can debate the merits of each NCAA Tournament team and pick upsets and sleepers, as Dave Preston and I did yesterday. You can ignore the noise and just seek out a spot to root on your school with fellow alumni.

Or, you can rank the mascots from each school.

This is not, for the record, an objective measure of ferocity, or scariness, or which personified character you’d want behind you in a fight. It’s a completely subjective measurement, based on criteria literally made up as I go. You’re welcome to argue the merits of my rankings, but it would be a futile exercise, as they have no merit.

With no further ado, let’s get this countdown underway. We’ll do the bottom eight in one group, then in sets of five until we hit the top 10. There are plenty of duplicates, so tiebreakers will be awarded based on physical appearance. Yes, that’s shallow, but so is this entire exercise.

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