WASHINGTON — “Mission Impossible” is currently trouncing “Vacation” at the box office.
This weekend, a new movie joins the fray — “The Fantastic Four.”
Can the latest superhero assembly do the “Impossible” and dethrone “Mission” at the box office? And will the two action blockbusters send “Vacation” packing?
Time for a triple review.
‘Fantastic Four’
A decade ago, 20th Century Fox rolled out a lackluster “Fantastic Four” (2005), starring Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis. It managed to squeak out a sequel “Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer” (2007), but the superheroes quickly faded from our memories thanks to masterpieces like “The Dark Knight” (2008) and box office kings like “The Avengers” (2012).
Now, 20th Century Fox is assembling a new cast in hopes of avenging the “Fantastic Four.” This time, we get Miles Teller as Mr. Fantastic (stretchy necks help prevent “Whiplash”); Kate Mara as the Invisible Woman (talk about a disappearing “House of Cards” trick); Michael B. Jordan as The Human Torch (Fire “Wire” anyone?); and Jamie Bell as The Thing (ladies and gets, it’s Rock-a-“Billy Elliot”).
With such a talented cast, it’s a shame the movie is so oddly paced.
At its current rate of story, it would have made a fantastic four-hour movie. Instead, we stretch Act One over an hourlong setup, then recklessly cram Act Two and Act Three into the final half-hour, where the villain Dr. Doom (Toby Kebbell) is introduced and defeated almost simultaneously.
It’s a shame, because the pacing of the setup unfolds quite nicely as an origins story. Short-attention-span viewers will complain that it’s boring — but this reviewer found it refreshingly old-school in its patience. In fact, more superhero movies should give this much care in character development.
The problem is that it shifts gears way too late, forgetting to give audiences the action they came to see. Slow-burn setups are fine, even preferred — consider “The Exorcist” (1973) — but then you’ve got to deliver the head-spinning jolts in Act Two, then stick the landing with character epiphanies and emotional growth in Act Three. “Fantastic Four” takes its sweet old time, then rushes to the finish.
It almost feels like the screenwriters got tired of writing. Not only does the plot pacing become reckless down the stretch, the dialogue grows increasingly sloppy. The last 20 minutes are filled with corny lines — and title explanations — that will garner unintended laughs in the audience.
Such Act Three sloppiness is head-scratching considering the perfectly capable filmmakers involved. Writer/director Josh Trank had a solid directorial debut in “Chronicle” (2012), co-writer Jeremy Slater created a compelling concept in “The Lazarus Effect” (2015) and co-writer Simon Kinberg helped pen one of the best superhero films of this era in “X-Men: Days of Future Past” (2014).
But when the credits roll on “Fantastic Four,” moviegoers will shuffle down the aisles echoing the trailer in disappointment: “We gave you six years and millions of dollars, and you gave us nothing.”
★ ★
‘Vacation’
Even more disappointing is the 2015 reboot of National Lampoon’s “Vacation” (1983).
Written by John Hughes (“The Breakfast Club”) and directed by Harold Ramis (“Groundhog Day”), the ’80s comedy classic pioneered the road-trip comedy, blazing the trail for “Road Trip” (2000), “Little Miss Sunshine” (2006) and “The Way Way Back” (2013).
Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo turned Clark and Ellen Griswold into household names, while Randy Quaid gave his career role as Cousin Eddie over four installments: the groundbreaking “Vacation” (1983), the disappointing “European Vacation” (1985), the hilarious “Christmas Vacation” (1989) and the better-than-it-should’ve-been “Vegas Vacation” (1997). It should have stopped there.
Instead, Chase and D’Angelo make a cameo at the end of “Vacation” (2015), as Rusty Griswold (Ed Helms) embarks on his own quest to Wally World with his despondent wife (Christina Applegate) and two kids, a hipster wannabe (Skyler Gisando) and a potty-mouthed wrestler (Steele Stebbins).
The opening credits invoke nostalgia for the 1983 original, with family vacation photos set to the original theme of “Holiday Road.” But right from the start, we get the sense that the movie is trying too hard to recapture the magic — without offering anything worthy of its own.
A running gag of a remote-controlled, eco-friendly van has its funny moments, but they’re overshadowed by “that would never happen” gripes about the remote-control buttons.
The script also miscalculates by making the youngest son foul-mouthed. A well-timed f-bomb is always funny, but when you put it in a child’s mouth, then do it over and over again, it quickly becomes unfunny. The 1983 original certainly had its moments of R-Rated humor, but they were far more nuanced. Families who’ve seen the censored 1983 flick will be in for a shock as they bring their kids to the reboot for a family movie outing. Get ready to cringe to vulgar rap lyrics and penis jokes.
Most disappointing is the road trip itself, as the various stops along the cross-country journey become increasingly ridiculous — from herding cattle on four wheelers with Chris Hemsworth (“Thor”) and Leslie Mann (“Knocked Up”); to white-water rafting with Charlie Day (“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”); to a slow-mo Wally World battle with Ron Livingston (“Office Space”).
Somewhere along the way, you’ll look at your watch and say, “Are we there yet?”
★
‘Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation’
Your best bet at the multiplex is still “Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation.”
The franchise’s fifth installment dominated the box office last weekend and will most likely emerge victorious once again this weekend. The multiple-week reign will be well deserved.
Tom Cruise returns as IMF agent Ethan Hunt, who takes on his most impossible mission yet, taking down the global terrorist group known as The Syndicate. This international organization has gone rogue under the sadistic leadership of Solomon Lane (Sean Harris), who vows to destroy the IMF.
At age 53, Cruise is still the biggest action star in the world. After ’80s hits like “Top Gun” (1986) and ’90s flicks like “Mission Impossible” (1996), Cruise has spent the new millennium giving us gems like “Minority Report” (2002) and “Edge of Tomorrow” (2014). If you add his dramatic roles like “Rain Man” (1988), “Born on the Fourth of July” (1989), “A Few Good Men” (1992), “Jerry Maguire” (1996), “Eyes Wide Shut” (1999) and “Magnolia “(1999), Cruise has built a strong case as underrated.
You could justifiably put his Ethan Hunt up against Matt Damon’s Jason Bourne and Daniel Craig’s James Bond as the best action hero of this generation. Only one of the five “MI” installments was unwatchable (“Mission Impossible II”). The rest have been extremely enjoyable: Brian DePalma’s original starring Jon Voight, J.J. Abrams’ third installment starring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Michelle Monaghan, and Brad Bird’s fourth installment, which added Jeremy Renner.
This time, the reins are handed to Christopher McQuarrie, writer of “The Usual Suspects” (1995) and director of “Jack Reacher.” McQuarrie brings back Renner, Ving Rhames and Simon Pegg in catchy supporting roles, while adding newcomers in Alec Baldwin and Rebecca Ferguson.
Ferguson steals the show in many scenes by performing “Matrix”-style maneuvers, including a phenomenally gripping assassination sequence at an opera house that, dare we say, recalls the concert hall finale of Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Man Who Knew Too Much” (1956).
Before we slip into Hitchcock hyperbole, it’s true that “Rogue Nation” has its flaws. At times, the movie feels too packed with action and suffers from dialogue exposition, as characters explain what’s going on so that audiences can follow along. Still, there’s plenty here to admire, particularly the smoke-filled introduction of the villain — and the clever callback of his demise.
It never quite lives up to Cruise rappelling into a temperature-controlled CIA headquarters in Langley — forever the ultimate moment of Ethan Hunt — but it’s a fun addition to the franchise.
★ ★ ★
The above rating is based on a 4-star scale. See where these films rank in our Fraley Film Guide. Follow WTOP Film Critic Jason Fraley on Twitter @JFrayWTOP.
