WASHINGTON — Seth MacFarlane’s directorial debut “Ted” (2012) was a surprise smash at the box office, a crude comedy stuffed with originality, as a teddy bear came to life to form a Beantown bromance with Mark Wahlberg that threatened to derail his romance with girlfriend Mila Kunis.
Your appetite for raunchy comedy determined your reaction to the original (yours truly was in stitches), so here’s your disclaimer for the sequel: If you hated the first one, you’ll hate “Ted 2” more; if you loved the first one, you’ll laugh out loud a few times but admit the original was far superior.
“Ted 2” picks up months after John (Wahlberg) has divorced Lori (Kunis, absent from the sequel). He wallows in his relationship sorrows, while Ted ties the knot with his grocery store co-worker Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth). The two want to have a baby, but in order to qualify for adoption or artificial insemination, the talking teddy bear must prove he’s human — not property — in a court of law.
They enlist an amateur lawyer (Amanda Seyfriend) to work pro bono on a civil rights case, but face an uphill battle against an undefeated lawyer (John Slattery), a greedy toy manufacturer (John Carroll Lynch) and his slimy janitor Donny (Giovanni Ribisi), a stalker who kidnapped Ted in the 2012 film.
As with “Family Guy,” MacFarlane’s biggest strength is his command of pop culture, spinning cultural references into comedy gold with Rumpelstiltskin reliability.
“Ted 2” features a running “Rocky III” joke that gets funnier with each reference. A “Jurassic Park” spoof will make even the most hardened viewers laugh. The buddy comedy between Ted and John is irresistible during a spoof of the “Law & Order” theme. The climax at New York Comic Con becomes an orgy of fanboy homages. And the film’s best moment involves a “Lord of the Rings” put-down.
Through all of this, Seyfried (returning with MacFarlane from “A Million Ways to Die in the West”) deserves major kudos in the self-deprecation department. She charmingly creates a character that is culturally illiterate, staring blankly at mainstream pop references, before schooling Ted and John on works of great literature. It’s a great reminder: there are different levels of cultural literacy.
Which brings us to the film’s chief flaw — an inability to blend the lowbrow with the highbrow in the same way that, say, “The Book of Mormon” did on Broadway. Trey Parker and Matt Stone managed to weave subversive lyrics into their musical numbers, rather than use them to fill dead screentime.
The musical sequences in “Ted 2” simply don’t work, which is a shame considering the first “Ted” earned MacFarlane an Oscar nomination for the song “Everybody Needs a Best Friend” (enabling his infamous Oscar hosting gig: “We Saw Your Boobs”). In “Ted 2,” we get an overlong Busby Berkeley musical number during the opening credits, a corny “Breakfast Club” dancing montage, and some Seyfried guitar strumming that feels forced, despite some comical cutaways.
In a way, the opening dance sequence is foreshadowing of the rest of the film — it doesn’t know when to stop. A raunchy comedy like this should be 90 minutes, tops. “Ted 2” runs two hours, which forces MacFarlane to replay the same jokes over and over — not to mention major plot points.
The midpoint trial almost feels like a climax, only to spark an appeal case (enter Morgan Freeman). The more time we spend in the courtroom, the more we expose the film’s awkward attempt at a grand social statement — already undermined by throwaway jokes on race and sexuality.
These racy jabs inevitably clash with the thematic umbrella of a human rights case, as Ted fights for “marriage equality” like the LGBT community and prepares for trial by reading historic Civil Rights rulings — Dred Scott vs. Sanford, Plessy vs. Ferguson, Brown vs. the Board of Education. This dilemma highlights the difficult position of today’s comics, fearing that their satire will be stifled by a raging sense of political correctness, but MacFarlane’s “have it both ways” approach isn’t the answer.
Time and again, the jokes pose punchlines with confusing motives. In this film’s worldview, you can’t smoke pot out of a penis-shaped bong, or else you’re laughably gay — but then somehow you deserve marriage equality protections? If your search engine results include too many black genitals, you’re laughably interracial — but then you somehow deserve civil rights protections? It just doesn’t click.
Compare this to “Seinfeld,” which found brilliant ways to say things without actually saying them: “Master of Your Domain,” “Shrinkage,” “Sponge Worthy,” “Yada Yada.” Double-entendres are always funnier than sexual slaps across the face, making “Ted 2” seem far less artful in its overt crudeness.
As you watch Patrick Warburton (i.e. David Puddy on “Seinfeld”) play a gay bully in “Ted 2,” you’ll long for the more-clever days of “I’m not gay! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Lucky for us, “Seinfeld” just became available to stream on Hulu this week. A monthly subscription is $7.99 a month, less than the national average ticket price of $8.12 at the multiplex.
My advice: wait for “Ted 2” to come on cable. Spend this weekend binge-watching “Seinfeld.”
★ ★ 1/2
The above rating is based on a 4-star scale. See where this film ranks in Jason’s Fraley Film Guide. Follow WTOP Film Critic Jason Fraley on Twitter @JFrayWTOP.
