The transition to college is an adjustment for the whole family, not just the student. College is often the first time students live independently, and parents may worry their child will face academic obstacles, peer pressure to try alcohol or drugs, or difficulties making new friends.
“Sometimes this transitional in-between time in the summer before freshman year can be unexpectedly awkward,” says Lindsay Tanne Howe, founder and CEO of LogicPrep, a global college admissions consultancy. “Parents are kind of feeling their children pushing away a little bit. It’s, I think, emblematic of students getting ready to fly the nest and assert their independence. It doesn’t mean that anything’s inherently wrong or bad, but it’s just a natural evolution of this process.”
Here are six ways parents can support their child’s transition from high school to college.
Finish One Chapter at a Time
Some college prep tasks — like packing and filling out forms — can wait until after high school graduation. Soon-to-be college freshmen should focus on enjoying the rest of their high school experience. That means ending strong academically and participating in end-of-year activities, such as prom and senior field day.
[READ: Things to Do the Summer Before College.]
Set Communication Expectations
Parents shouldn’t make assumptions about the amount of communication — such as how often to check in over the phone or FaceTime — they’ll have with their child in college. That should be discussed ahead of time, as should expectations around campus visits, experts say.
“There can be some variability between what the parents want and need and what the student wants and needs,” says Nina Nabors, vice provost for the Division of Healthcare Access and Quality at Walden University, a for-profit online university. “Conversations are important to gauge those expectations and need.”
With parent roles often shifting when their child heads to college, it’s also important to set “guardrails” ahead of time, says Frances Cloud, director of counseling services at Spelman College in Georgia.
“Talk through what happens when one gets crossed, and be clear about what they will handle in partnership,” she wrote in an email. “I say guardrails rather than boundaries on purpose. A boundary is a line you aren’t supposed to cross. A guardrail assumes you are moving, sometimes fast, and it’s there to keep you on the road when you drift. It gives a student room to make decisions and even a few mistakes without the relationship treating every misstep as a violation.”
Have Conversations About College Life
Before move-in day, parents should discuss how college is academically and socially different than high school.
For instance, alcohol and drugs are often part of the social scene in college. Parents should have honest conversations with their child about what they may encounter and ways to stay safe. And if students choose to go out to house parties and other events where drugs or alcohol may be present, they should avoid leaving any beverages unattended and plan ahead on ways to stay in a group and get home.
“Help your child name one or two other trusted adults they can go to,” such as a family friend or relative, says Cloud, who is also a licensed clinical social worker. “It’s not that you aren’t capable. It’s that you are close to it. Some things are hard to bring to the person who loves you the most, and plenty of young people will hold something back not because they do not trust you but because they can’t stand the thought of disappointing you. … Say it out loud before they leave: ‘If there is something you can’t bring to me yet, I want you to have somewhere else to take it.'”
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Cloud adds that families can create a document for students to reference that lists important health and safety details, such as emergency contacts, allergies and insurance information. “It’s much easier to build that in July than to hunt for it in October.”
Experts also advise parents to discuss academic performance and the challenges of college classes.
“In a high school system, the district can look at how students are performing and build in support so everyone reaches certain milestones,” Cloud says. “In college, faculty generally assume you are already at a certain baseline. If you are not, it falls to the student to go find the resources that will help.”
Encourage Self-Advocacy and Independence
Unlike in K-12, college students have to self-advocate and learn to solve challenges that arise, such as roommate issues, inability to register for a certain class or conflict with a professor. Developing those problem-solving skills is necessary for success in college and post-graduation life.
Students should also learn and practice essential life skills before getting to college, experts say.
“Run over the basics of laundry and cleaning, how to read insurance cards and schedule medical appointments, change bike and car tires, how to manage a budget, navigate banking, where and when to grocery shop, how to boil an egg, etc.,” Oliver Anderson, assistant vice president for student affairs and dean of students at Westminster University in Utah, wrote in an email.
Allow Mistakes to Happen
Mistakes are inevitable, including in college. College students may miss an assignment or oversleep for class, for instance. But students can’t learn from those mistakes unless they take responsibility and accept any potential consequences, experts say.
“Give your student space,” Audrey Clare, director of student success at Westminster, wrote in an email. “Let them fail. Encourage them to seek resources on campus to help them fix their mistake.”
[Read: What Colleges Are Doing About Social Media and Student Isolation]
Promote Campus Involvement
To help with the adjustment, parents can encourage their child to join clubs, volunteer or attend events on campus, experts say.
“Take a look online and see what cocurricular opportunities there are for the student to get involved,” Anderson says. “Use this information to prompt your student or drop hints at finding activities they might get involved in. This will help them connect with other students who are looking for new friendships and meaningful relationships.”
Acknowledge Feelings of Homesickness
Homesickness is a common feeling among college students, so communicating that is key, experts say.
“In the world today where everyone’s putting the highlight reel of their first semester on social media, it’s really easy to feel like something’s wrong with me or something’s wrong with my college experience,” Howe says.
“Acknowledging that inner life may not match what kind of projections they’re seeing on social media is really helpful. It’s not unusual to get a call from a student (early on) saying they’re convinced they’ve chosen the wrong university and they want to transfer. Listen, take it seriously, but don’t jump in to solve the issue immediately.”
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How Parents Can Support the Adjustment to College originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 07/27/26: This article was published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
