If you have a loved one in a nursing home, you know how vital your presence is to their well-being and sense of connection. Visiting your loved one in a nursing home helps them to feel seen and cherished, and the socialization may help to fight feelings of loneliness that can arise.
Dr. Brian D. Madden, a primary care physician and medical director of hospice and palliative care at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California, says he all too often sees patients waiting around in nursing homes with “nobody coming to visit.”
Read this guide to make the most of your nursing home visit.
[READ: Loneliness in Older Adults: Signs & How to Help Your Aging Parent]
Navigating Nursing Home Visitor Rules and Policies
Before you visit your loved one at their nursing home, familiarize yourself with any relevant details, rules or restrictions. Some basics to consider include:
— Directions. How are you getting there, and how long will it take? If your loved one is a planner, update them on your estimated arrival time.
— Check visiting hours and policies. Can you stop by at any time, or should you plan your trip during a specific window? Call ahead, especially for weekends or holidays.
— Your loved one’s schedule. Is your loved one scheduled for any upcoming doctor’s appointments, procedures or outings? Make sure to visit them when they can see you. Ask the nurse’s station for the best time of day based on your loved one’s energy levels.
— Bring a gift. Photos, a soft blanket or a specific snack (if permitted)
— Any restrictions in place. Check for local health notices. Facilities may occasionally limit visits or require masks during flu or cold season to protect residents.
— Focus on quality. A meaningful 30-minute visit is often better than a draining two-hour visit.
— Observe and advocate. Visually check for signs of changes in health, such as weight loss, cleanliness and mood.
[SEE: Nursing Home Red Flags You Should Watch For]
Maximize the timing of your visit
| Time of Day | Resident Energy Level (typical) |
| Morning | Highest energy, post-breakfast |
| Midday | Moderate/post-lunch low |
| Late afternoon | Potential for agitation/sundowning |
[READ: How to Know Your Loved One Is Getting the Senior Care They’re Paying For]
Planning Your Visit: Mother’s Day and Father’s Day Tips
Holidays can be bittersweet for residents. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be especially key times to visit loved ones, as they can feel lonely or left out if they see other residents having visitors while they are not seeing their own family members.
If you are visiting for Mother’s Day, consider bringing sensory gifts like a favorite perfume, silk flowers or a soft floral blanket, rather than just flowers that will wilt. For a Father’s Day nursing home visit, bring a tablet to watch a game together or look through a book of old photos.
When planning your visit, check with the facility, as many offer special gatherings or opportunities for you and your loved one to participate in brunches or meals in a social setting with other residents. These events can be meaningful for your loved one, to help them feel connected with both their own family and other residents.
If you can’t make it in-person, consider the following:
— Arrange a phone call or video chat.
— Send a handwritten card or a useful gift.
— Let your loved one know when you will visit next .
Activities to Do Together During Your Visit
At a nursing home visit, you have the opportunity to spend quality time with your loved one, offer them hugs, bring them gifts and engage in conversations.
Make the most of outdoor and garden visits
You may be able to offer them an escape from their day-to-day routines by going for an outdoor excursion, such as walking with them around the premises or sitting with them in a courtyard.
“A great thing to do is, if possible, take the resident for a walk in their wheelchair or take them to sit outside,” says Lori Schoener, nursing home administrator at Landis Homes Retirement Community in Lititz, Pennsylvania. “A lot of residents really enjoy sitting outside and might have a hard time getting there on their own, or they might not be safe to go on their own.”
Enjoy quality time inside
Depending on your loved one’s preferences and the weather, you can spend quality time indoors too. They may be more comfortable having you spend time together in their room talking or watching a favorite tv show, or they may want you to take part in their world by attending an activity, like a concert or a game of bingo.
“We welcome families to attend activities with their loved one,” Schoener says.
Capture the memories
When you’re spending time together, remember to take some photos or video. Ask a staff member to take a photo of you together to create a lasting keepsake. These can become a fun gift for your loved one to remember your visit, and also a way for you to have a keepsake of your time spent with each other.
Pay attention to your loved one’s well-being
In addition, during your visit, take note of your loved one’s health. Observation can give you some idea of your loved one’s physical condition — for instance, if their clothes are clean, if their hair is brushed or if they’ve lost weight.
Bring the kids
If you have kids or grandkids, bringing them to visit your loved one is a great way to have a multigenerational visit. Children help to bring a fun and energetic atmosphere to the room, and provide something for everyone to talk about. It’s also a teaching opportunity for kids to learn to interact with older adults.
“One of the things I know most residents really like is when small children from their family come and visit,” Schoener says. “Never hesitate to bring in small children.”
[READ: The Benefits of Intergenerational Activities for Senior Living Residents and Children]
Practical Gifts to Bring to a Nursing Home Visit
A nursing home visit is a great opportunity to bring your loved one a gift. The ideal gift depends on your loved one’s specific needs and the facility’s safety regulations.
Think about what types of items may or may not be allowed in their facility. That way, you can make sure you aren’t dropping off anything that is not allowed or potentially dangerous to your loved one — as well as spare them the disappointment of having a gift taken away.
Just as you would for someone not in a nursing home, think about the person’s likes and dislikes before selecting their gift. What might they appreciate? You may also consider if they are lacking anything in their living environment. What might they need?
Nursing home gift guide: Permitted vs. restricted Items
| Category | Recommended (bring these) | Restricted (leave at home) |
| Electronics | Digital frames, tablets or e-readers | Electric blankets, coffeemakers, plug-in air fresheners |
| Comfort | Personal pillows, soft blankets, bed jackets, cozy pajamas or non-slip socks | Large furniture or trip-hazard rugs |
| Sensory | Family photos, favorite perfumes or audiobooks | Candles, incense and strong chemical cleaners |
| Food | Home-cooked meals that are labeled and dated or sealed snacks | Unlabeled perishables, high-sugar or high-sodium items (if restricted) |
Gifts can be good conversation starters. Bringing things like old photographs can give you and your loved one an opportunity to reminisce about the past.
“If you have old pictures, bring them in!” Schoener says. “Ask them about what’s going on in the picture; what happened at that time in their life.”
Talking about photographs can also be a helpful way of avoiding harder conversations, like talking about the present, Schoener adds. Depending on your loved one’s memory or thinking, they could struggle to recall more recent events and become frustrated by direct questions about their current life — such as, “What did you have for lunch yesterday?” she explains.
Because short-term memory tends to deteriorate before longer-term memory, talking about events that happened years ago can make for a more amicable chat.
Food is also a universal conversation starter and likely a nice treat for loved ones.
“If there’s one universal complaint (about hospitals or nursing homes), it’s the food,” Madden says. He encourages people to bring in a loved one’s favorite dish or home cooked meal — so long as it is allowed in the facility and doesn’t go against the person’s dietary restrictions — as a way to show care.
[READ: Best Gift Ideas for Nursing Home Residents.]
What Not to Bring to a Nursing Home Visit
For the most part, gift-giving is encouraged at nursing homes. However, some items are better left at home.
Items that produce heat or that come with an electrical plug-in are not allowed in many skilled nursing facilities for fire safety reasons, Schoener explains. Personal care or assisted living facilities tend to have more relaxed rules, but this can vary. If you’re not sure if your gift makes the cut, look up the rules of your loved one’s facility online or call the front desk for more information.
Some examples of gifts that you are better off avoiding if your loved one is in skilled nursing care, include:
— Electric blankets
— Heating pads
— Coffee makers, including Keurig machines
— Air freshener plug-ins
How to Visit a Loved One With Dementia or Alzheimer’s
When visiting your loved one with dementia or Alzheimer’s in their memory care unit you’ll want to check with staff to determine the best time to plan your visit. They may have therapy or memory-focused activities at specific times. Also, be aware of sundowning — a state of increased confusion or agitation that often occurs in the late afternoon.
Studies show that face-to-face communication can have health benefits, so it’s good to take advantage of this when you can.
Still, figuring out exactly how to take advantage of this — or, put differently, thinking about how to talk to someone with dementia may be challenging. Some people struggle to come up with conversation ideas that will keep their loved one engaged without making them frustrated or sad.
Communication tips for dementia visits
If you’re unsure what to talk about on your visit, here are some ideas:
— Discuss old memories. Talking about the good old days can be a way to raise your loved one’s spirits and help the two of you connect. Bringing in old photos or meaningful gifts may help you prompt conversations.
— Ask how they are feeling. Consider asking a loved one how they are feeling during your visit. Some residents may want to discuss how they are feeling emotionally, whereas others might want to discuss physical sensations. Or, they may not want to talk about either.
Madden encourages visitors not to assume hard topics — like those surrounding their loved one’s health — are off limits. Madden works in palliative care, where he says, “we try not to have anything that we don’t talk about.” For any of these conversations, he suggests posing questions in a “nice, non-threatening way.”
— Validate their emotions. For people with Alzheimer’s or dementia, they may experience dementia delusions. These false realities are very real to the person with dementia. Rather than argue the reality, validate their emotions and ask questions like “how does that make you feel?”
[READ: Senior Living Benefits: Thriving in a Community After an Alzheimer’s Diagnosis]
How to Talk to a Parent Who Wants to Go Home
Sometimes a nursing home visit gets uncomfortable. One of the reasons can be when your loved one wants to go home. This can be emotional for both parties. In these circumstances, validate their emotions and explain why for their health and safety it is important for them to be there.
Some nursing home residents may benefit from talking about their health goals and the steps they want to take to “get out” of the nursing home — if that is an option for them, Madden says. If your loved one displays an eagerness to leave the nursing home, and if their doctors have said that is a possibility, you may want to talk to them about steps they can take toward discharge.
If you want to go down this conversation route, Madden suggests talking to your loved one about what makes them unhappy about their current situation and what the two of you can do to support the goal of “getting out.”
Maybe that means being diligent about their rest, medications or nutrition. Maybe it means reframing expectations. If your loved one is open to them, these are conversation topics you can talk about.
[READ: Senior Living Benefits: Making a Community Home]
How Often to Visit Parents in a Nursing Home?
After visiting a loved one in a nursing home, make a plan for when you’ll see them again. While the frequency of your visits may vary based on your work and life schedule — and what type of bandwidth you have — Madden encourages you to go as often as possible. Multiple times a week to even every day is best, he adds.
“It is important to try to keep them from feeling isolated,” Madden says. “I would treat this almost like somebody hospitalized — you really want to know what’s going on if not every day, every other.”
[READ: Managing Guilt & Sadness: Coping With Emotions After Moving a Loved One to Senior Living]
How to Prepare Children for a Nursing Home Visit
While bringing children to a nursing home is typically well received by residents, it can be a an overwhelming first time experience for children. Before your visit, prepare children for the things they may see, what they may smell and what they may hear when visiting your loved one. This will help create a smoother multigenerational visit for all.
What Are the Signs of Nursing Home Neglect?
Signs of nursing home neglect include things such as a sudden loss of weight, unclean bedding and a lack of hair or teeth brushing. If you notice a big change in the mood or overall personality of your loved one, it’s important to learn more about what might be happening. The changes could be due to nursing home neglect or a change in your loved one’s cognitive function.
[Read: Elder Abuse: Signs, Types and What to Do]
Advocacy: Communicating With Nursing Home Staff
Having a comfortable and positive relationship with nursing home staff is important for both you and your loved one. If you have questions or concerns you want to discuss with nurses, staff or the social worker, schedule a time to meet with them.
Depending on the conversation, it may be best to meet with them alone, but in some cases you may want to include your loved one. Approach conversations with staff in a friendly and approachable way, with a collaborative outlook on your loved one’s care plans. Keep in mind — your loved one lives there and deals with the staff daily, so you don’t want any conversations with staff to have a negative impact on their relationship with their caregiving team.
[READ: How to Advocate for an Older Loved One in the ER or Hospital]
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A Guide to Visiting a Nursing Home: Tips for Meaningful Connection originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 05/06/26: This story was published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
