Gary Girolimon and Jill Parenteau, siblings in New Hampshire, were providing care and support for their 82-year-old brother, Ron, who had Alzheimer’s disease, until signs suggested they needed more help.
“I would have loved to have kept him in his house,” says Parenteau, who served as the power of attorney for Ron. “But many of the home care providers were not showing up. We’d get a call an hour before someone was supposed to come that they weren’t coming.”
The high turnover rate in aides, along with occasional communication challenges due to language barriers, added to the difficulty of managing Ron’s care at home.
The tipping point, however, was when he started wandering, according to the siblings: “That’s when we said, ‘We can’t rely on people coming to watch him.'”
Girolimon and Parenteau knew it was time to find an affordable, local assisted living situation that would be able to support Ron as his dementia progressed.
It’s not always easy to know when it’s time to move from independent living to assisted living, but there are some specific signs that can signal it’s time. Here’s what to know about making the transition from independent living to assisted living.
When Is It Time for Assisted Living?
There’s no one right time or age to move to assisted living. But according to Martha Bonilla, a senior living counselor with CC Young Senior Living in Dallas, experts often say 70 is a good time to start the conversation with your parents.
At age 70, your parents may well be fully capable of living independently, but the idea is to start the conversation early when they still can make decisions for themselves and you have time to make appropriate arrangements.
Data from the American Health Care Association and the National Center for Assisted Living indicate that over a million Americans reside in assisted living. Of them:
— 53% are age 85 and older
— 31% are aged 75 to 84
— 10% are aged 65 to 74
— 6% are age 65 and younger
To determine the optimal time for a move to assisted living, it is helpful to understand the key differences between independent living and assisted living.
Differences Between Independent and Assisted Living at a Glance
| Feature | Independent Living | Assisted Living |
| Living space | Stand-alone homes, apartments or dorm-like settings | Dorm-like settings that may look more similar to a nursing home than an apartment |
| Age restrictions | Typically limited to people ages 55, 62 or 65 and over | No specific age restriction, but population is typically over age 65 |
| Meals | Residents may have kitchens or other means of cooking for themselves; many offer meals in a dining room, restaurant cafe or other communal setting | Dining in communal settings such as a dining room or restaurant; some residents may take meals in their rooms |
| Nursing support | Typically not available | Typically some nursing support on-site |
| Medical support | Typically not available | Typically not available on-site |
| Assistance with daily tasks | Typically not available | Tailored to the resident’s specific needs and may include help with:
— Toileting — Bathing — Dressing — Transferring to and from bed — Eating — Medication management |
| Socialization | A wide range of options are typically available, including outings, events, clubs, gardening, fitness activities, music offerings and much more | Social activities and outings typically available but tend to be less active than in most independent living communities |
As a concept, independent living as a senior living option (versus living in one’s own home in a typical mixed-generational neighborhood) is “designed for older adults who are generally able to live independently but want the convenience and social opportunities of a community setting,” explains Tina R. Sadarangani, a board-certified primary care nurse practitioner and assistant professor at New York University who specializes in the care of older adults.
They are often built as stand-alone homes in a neighborhood and usually limited to people aged 55 or older. They tend to offer social events, exercise classes, group travel options and other activities that foster mental and physical engagement, enhancing the quality of life for residents.
Assisted living, on the other hand, is designed for older adults who need help with daily activities, such as bathing, dressing, medication management and meal preparation, but who do not require the intensive medical care provided in a nursing home, Sadarangani says.
Residents typically live in a private apartment or a shared room, and meals are usually served in a communal dining room where residents can socialize. The communities offer additional amenities, such as social events, fitness activities and more, depending on their location and the clientele they serve.
[READ: Who Qualifies for Assisted Living: Eligibility Requirements]
Signs It’s Time for Assisted Living
Family members, caregivers or friends are often the first to spot warning signs that independent living may not be the optimal situation. Signs that it may be time to move include:
— Worsening medical conditions, with an increased number of falls and overall increased frailty
— Difficulty managing domestic finances or other money problems
— Difficulty keeping the house clean or maintaining personal hygiene
— Depression or social isolation
— Challenges with medication management
— Weight loss or poor nutrition
A key sign that it may be time for a loved one to move is when they are really struggling to cook for and feed themselves, Bonilla says. “Poor nutrition is very much of a red flag in the independent living world,” she says.
If that sign shows up alongside medication mismanagement or poor hygiene — “the individual not wanting to take a shower or not caring to take a shower or even change their clothes” — it’s certainly time to have a conversation, Bonilla says.
[READ Tools to Support Activities of Daily Living: Helping Seniors Stay Independent]
How to know when it’s time for assisted living
The following scenarios help illustrate when it may be time to consider moving a loved one to a place where they can get more intensive and supportive care.
— Recently lost a spouse: A senior who has recently lost the spouse who was primarily responsible for the housework, meals and shopping may need to consider moving. Between struggling to cook or clean and dealing with grief and loneliness, assisted living might be a good solution.
— Developing multiple medical problems: When seniors develop multiple or serious medical problems, such as Parkinson’s disease, or when a chronic disease progresses, they start to need more day-to-day help.
— Signs of memory loss: For many seniors, the time to move comes along with signs of memory loss or reduced cognitive ability, especially if there’s a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia. In this case, you may want to consider a memory care facility, which offers specialized therapies and support for people who have dementia or are experiencing cognitive decline.
— Caregiver burnout: When the primary caregiver experiences caregiver burnout, an assisted living facility may provide respite. It provides the caregiver with a better quality of life and provides the senior with more sustainable care and support. Parenteau says that before her brother moved to an assisted living facility, she found it exhausting to be on-call all the time in case something went wrong. Assisted living met her brother’s needs better than she could.
— Difficult-to-manage behaviors: When a loved one is no longer safe at home, it’s time to consider moving to a more secure environment. For Parenteau and Girolimon, transitioning their brother to full-time care was a logical response to his frequent wanderings. They were concerned he could get lost or hurt, even with the help of home health care aides.
[READ: How to Choose the Right Senior Living Facility: A Checklist]
The Benefits of Assisted Living
Assisted living communities offer a wide range of benefits to seniors.
Greater ease with completing tasks
Most assisted living communities offer amenities such as communal dining, laundry services and a salon or barbershop. This makes life easier and safer for many older adults, as they won’t have to risk driving off-site for errands or routine self-care services.
Opportunities for socializing
Assisted living communities offer a range of activities and events, including games, arts and crafts, music sessions, gardening, outings and more, which foster community and prevent isolation and loneliness.
Improved fitness and mobility
Staying fit improves your ability to maintain independence and mobility for longer, and most assisted living facilities ensure their residents have access to fitness classes and other exercise options to support good health.
Reduced health care costs
While assisted living communities can be expensive, moving to one may actually save you money in the long run if it means you won’t need as much home health care.
“Moving into assisted living earlier can offset higher costs associated with hospitalizations, one-to-one care or the decline that occurs when one doesn’t optimize their health,” says Angela Stewart, vice president of clinical services with Touchmark, a Beaverton, Oregon-based senior living company with communities for 55-and-older adults across the country.
What’s more, assisted living typically costs less than a nursing home. According to CareScout’s national data, in 2024, the monthly median cost of an assisted living community was $5,900. A nursing home costs an average of $9,277 per month for a semi-private room and $10,646 for a private room.
Medicare does not cover the cost of assisted living, and most people who reside in assisted living pay for this care out of pocket through savings, retirement benefits, some long-term care insurance policies or proceeds from the sale of their home. These expenses can add up, so it’s important to conduct a thorough financial assessment before moving into a community that might quickly become too expensive.
Improved quality of life
These benefits often have a greater impact if an older adult moves in earlier rather than later. When done right, a move to assisted living can be a transformative experience for the whole family, opening up many new possibilities.
What’s more, “moving to a community that meets your social, mental and physical needs may not only improve your quality of life, but it might even improve your health,” says Dr. Deena Goldwater, a cardiologist and geriatrician who serves as vice president of care delivery at Welcome Health, a Southern California-based primary care practice specializing in aging.
For Parenteau’s brother Ron, the social interaction was a significant benefit of the move. Despite the high cost of the facility, Parenteau believes it was the right move. Sadly, Ron passed away in April 2025.
[READ: Does Medicaid Cover Assisted Living? What You Need to Know]
How to Find an Assisted Living Facility and Plan a Move
There are many assisted living communities, and it’s not always clear how they differ from one another, which makes finding the right assisted living facility for your loved one a challenge.
Here are a few tips to help make it simpler:
— Start your search early. Waiting until a loved one urgently needs more care adds to the stress of finding a good place for them. Instead, start early and learn about the options available in your community.
— Consider future care needs. Some communities offer tiered care options, allowing your loved one to move only once and still access all the care they will need in the future. That can be an attractive option for many people, as chronic health conditions progress over time.
— Put yourself in their shoes. Tour each senior living community you’re considering, and ask lots of questions of staff and residents. Try the food and attend events to learn what it’s really like to be a resident there.
— Get all the details about fees and services. Before signing a contract, be sure to read all the fine print and understand your financial responsibilities. Consider whether the facility is affordable for you and your loved one.
— Check for local resources. Assisted living can be very expensive. Medicare doesn’t cover it, but there may be other ways to defray the costs. Speak with an elder care expert or elder law attorney to learn about any local assistance programs that may be available to your family member.
[READ: What Is Transfer Trauma?]
How to Talk to Parents About Assisted Living
Moving is never easy, but some seniors may resist the move to assisted living specifically because they view it as a loss of independence and autonomy. But it doesn’t have to be. These steps can help ease the transition from independent living to assisted living.
1. Prepare for difficult emotions.
Moving to a senior living community is a significant life change, and it can bring some difficult emotions. It’s best to give your parent some time to adjust to the idea. Touring facilities and meeting current resident can also help make the process less stressful.
When having these conversations, keep in mind:
— You don’t have to do it all at once. You can make small inroads before you sit down for a big conversation about the need for upgraded care.
— Try to do most, if not all, of this communication in person. This way, you can pick up on body language and other nonverbal clues about how your loved one is really feeling and respond accordingly.
— Listen carefully to the answers. Really listen to what your loved one is saying, and aim to ask open-ended questions that allow them to bring up any issues or concerns.
2. Talk about senior care options.
According to data from the AHCA/NCAL, the average length of stay in an assisted living community is 22 months. For about 60% of residents, this period is followed by a move to a nursing home or skilled nursing facility.
Since the average stay is about two years, you will need to think ahead and discuss how it will work with your loved one. Some tips for approaching your loved one about moving into assisted living:
— Start with a general discussion of what their life is like at home. Ask about safety issues or challenges they might be having, and determine if these can be easily remedied, such as by installing handrails around the bathtub. What can you address in the short term until a decision about future care is made?
— Ask what kinds of help your loved one might want. They may be struggling in silence with housekeeping, laundry, running errands or other chores and hoping you’ll offer assistance.
— Ask if your loved one feels lonely. One of the benefits of moving to an assisted living facility is the increased social stimulation. Community dining and activities can be a significant help for seniors who are feeling lonely.
— Be empathetic. Try to understand how difficult these conversations can be, and approach them with sensitivity and kindness.
Some families find that speaking with an expert about senior care options can be beneficial as well. These experts can help families decide the right time to move:
— Your loved one’s doctor
— Financial advisor
— Attorney
— Social worker
— Family counselor
— Local senior care nonprofit organizations
3. Do your homework.
Before initiating the conversation, write down your own concerns and the key points you want to convey to your loved one. Then follow these steps:
— Research options for a good fit, so you have some suggestions at the ready as the conversation evolves.
— Visit each place you’re considering. As mentioned, it’s important that you experience what it would be like to live there. Meet the residents and staff to gauge how comfortable and welcoming the place is.
— During those visits, talk to the staff to get a sense of how they care for people and their training and background.
— Discuss your loved one’s preferences in the context of this new information and see if there’s a match.
Checking with your state’s licensing agency that oversees assisted living properties is also a good idea, Bonilla says. “Communities that are licensed have to give the state their disclosure statement once a year,” she notes, and these statements include details about staff to resident ratios, number and scope of activities, care services provided and more.
Having this data can help you “compare apples to apples,” she says. “If you get a disclosure statement from community A and you get one from B, get the two pieces of paper together and compare them. It’s a wonderful tool at your disposal.”
4. Determine how to pay for assisted living.
Because assisted living typically costs about $6,000 per month or more — depending on the location and the services used — it’s essential to take a careful assessment of your loved one’s finances and figure out how they’ll pay for this care going forward.
This should be something you prepare yourself for ahead of time, Bonilla says. “You need to have knowledge of your parents’ finance, their power of attorney, their medical power of attorney,” when you begin the conversation about moving to assisted living.
It’s also worth noting, Bonilla says, that care needs can escalate quickly, and as more services are added, the cost of that care increases. Take stock of the whole financial picture to be sure your loved one will be able to afford the care they need over time.
5. Take a practical approach to downsizing.
Undertaking a move to a new senior care community often requires downsizing one’s possessions. This can be a challenging situation as your loved one sifts through years of memories and tries to pare down their belongings. You can support them by offering to help them sort items, take items to be donated and make thoughtful suggestions for what to keep versus what to toss.
6. Clarify move-in procedures.
The community your loved one is moving to may have restrictions on when they can move in and how movers can access the space. It’s also important to determine how much space your loved one will have, whether the living space is furnished, whether they’ll have storage space and other specifics to understand what they need to discard and what they can take with them.
7. Make the move.
On move-in day, your loved one needs extra support. This is a significant change, and they may be struggling with lots of emotions. Be sure to have the right support network in place and prioritize looking out for their best interests.
FAQ
What is the main difference between independent and assisted living?
The main different between independent and assisted living is the level of hands-on support a resident receives. In independent living, residents are able to care for themselves and do not need support to complete activities of daily living, such as bathing, toileting and eating. In assisted living, residents typically need help with one or more of these activities of daily living, and some may need significant support throughout the day.
Does insurance cover the move to assisted living?
Health insurance such as Medicare or from a private insurer, typically does not cover a move to assisted living. Some long-term care insurance policy can provide coverage for certain aspects of assisted living, but policies can vary widely in what’s included and what’s excluded.
What are the five signs a senior needs more help?
The five main signs a senior needs more help include:
— Neglecting personal hygiene and home upkeep
— Increasing frailty, unexplained weight loss or poor nutrition
— Increasing confusion and memory problems and difficulty staying on track with medications
— Decreasing mobility and increased falls or balance issues
— Depression, mood changes and social isolation
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When Is It Time to Move From Independent to Assisted Living? originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 02/13/26: This story was published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
