How a senior will be taken care of when they can no longer do it is not a conversation anyone is likely excited to have, but if you and your parents get old enough, you’ll probably have to have it. That is, you (or they) may want to initiate a senior care conversation and talk about who is going to take care of your parents and how it’ll be paid for.
And if you have this conversation, at some point, you’re going to need to have financial documentation on hand. After all, it’s one thing to talk vaguely and agree that someday your parents will let you make their financial decisions for them when they can’t, but it’s another to actually know what you need to do and how to go about doing it. That’s where financial paperwork comes in.
So what do you need, if you’re going to have this discussion in earnest? Assuming you’ve already broached the topic (and some tips are forthcoming if you haven’t), here’s what you should have on hand.
[READ: What Is an Aging Plan and How to Make One]
A Senior Care Conversation Checklist
You’ll need to gather during your conversations the following information and documents:
— Durable power of attorney documents
— The will
— Insurance policies
— Banking information
— Income documents
— Debt information
You may need something else — you could argue that your parents’ last couple years of tax returns might come in handy, for instance, but if you have the above, you’ll be off to a great start.
[Read: Having the Conversation With a Loved One About Senior Living.]
Durable Power of Attorney Documents
If your parents agree that you or a sibling will someday be making their financial and health decisions, one of you should get a durable power of attorney in the near future, suggests Patty Laychock, a certified senior advisor and co-owner of an in-home senior care agency, Visiting Angels, in Egg Township, New Jersey.
You’ll want a medical power of attorney document and a financial power of attorney document, Laychock says.
These are legal documents stating that you have the legal standing to make medical decisions or financial decisions for your parents. (Sometimes, one adult child handles both of those decisions, or there may be one family member handling the medical decisions and another the financial.)
“It doesn’t mean you have to immediately manage your senior parent’s prescriptions, health care or finances, but it will be one less issue to address down the road,” Laychock says.
If you’re really ambitious, you may also want to discuss with your parents the idea of them getting a living will, a legal document that includes details about the medical treatments you would prefer, or not prefer, to be used to keep you alive, if death appears to be imminent.
[READ: Taking Over Affairs for an Aging Parent in Mental Decline.]
The Will
It might sound silly that you would need your parents’ will — that is, assuming there is one — if you’re talking about how to take care of them in their old age. In fact, it may even sound like you’re trying to rush them off the stage.
And, indeed, if your parents are perfectly healthy, the will isn’t something you need in your possession to have this conversation. But it could be useful to see while your parents are still alive. For instance, if your parents want to leave the house to you or a grandchild, you wouldn’t want to sell it the moment they enter a nursing home.
But you don’t have to ask to see the will. Laychock says that you’ll want to know, however, where the will is, along with other important documentation, such as insurance policies and bank website passwords.
“An incredibly important first step is understanding where key documents are stored,” Laychock says.
[SEE: Important Questions to Ask Your Aging Parents]
Insurance Policies
As noted, you’ll want to know where your parents’ insurance policies are. In particular, if your parents have a long-term care life insurance policy, you’ll want to see that — and learn all about it.
Not everybody has long-term care life insurance. The trade association LIMRA estimates that only 3% of Americans over 50 have long-term care insurance.
But if they do have a long-term care insurance policy, that could someday pay for a home health aide to drop by their home or for their care in an assisted living facility or a nursing home. You’ll want to make sure payments are kept up, so the policy doesn’t lapse, and know how and when to start filing a claim if someday it’s time.
And if they don’t have one, that’s a nice conversation starter about how the family will someday pay for your parents’ care, if they someday move into assisted living or a nursing home.
[SEE: How Life Insurance Can Pay for Long-Term Care]
Banking Information
If you needed to get into your parents’ bank accounts, to pay their bills, or wanted to contact money experts your parents work with, could you?
“Knowing if your parents work with financial professionals such as attorneys, financial planners or accountants can be invaluable,” says Megan Hughes, a Dallas-based managing director of family office services at BOK Financial.
“These advisors are often well-versed in guiding families through challenging conversations and may already be encouraging your parents to speak with their children about their plans,” she says.
Income Documents
How do your parents pay their bills? That is, if you’re going to help them with a budget down the road, or if you’ll need to contact the sources of their income, you’ll need to ask for the appropriate documents. For instance, if your parents are paid by the government, you may want to ask for their Social Security benefit statements or perhaps their Veterans Affairs benefit statements.
If they receive a pension, you’ll need their pension statements. You may need retirement account statements. Maybe your parents have tenants, in which case you’ll need their rental income records, and of course, you’ll need to decide if your parents want to sell you that property, or if they’ll pay you to take over the role of landlord.
[READ: Pros and Cons of 55 and Over Communities for Active Adults]
Debt Information
If you someday take over paying for your parents’ bills, you need to know who you’re paying.
Hughes points out that if your parents are wealthy, you may find that it’s better you don’t do all of the bill paying and managing money on your own.
“If your family has significant or complex assets, it can help to consider a neutral third-party trustee or corporate executor,” she says. “The more complex the estate, the more helpful it can be to have a third-party or corporate executor or trustee.”
She says that in the long run, you may save money — by not making financial mistakes — and hiring a professional can reduce a lot of your burden on your family, “especially when emotions are already running high.”
[SEE: Ways an Elder Law Attorney Can Help Families]
4 Tips for Starting the Senior Care Conversation
If you haven’t actually started to talk to your parents about how they’ll be cared for if they ever can’t do it on their own, you clearly don’t want to surprise them by waltzing into a room with a lot of financial papers or insist that they start forking over their banking usernames and passwords. That’s not going to go over well.
Ideally, you’ll start talking about senior care long before your parents need it. Chances are they’re just as concerned about this topic as you are, if not more so. Still, if you’re looking for a way to get the conversation started, both Hughes and Laychock have some suggestions.
1. Plan to have a lot of conversations, not just one
“Approach it as a series of conversations revisited over time,” Hughes says. “Rather than tackling everything in one sitting, start with one or two questions, especially if the topic feels delicate.”
Laychock says: “If tempers flare or things go off track, take a deep breath, change the subject and try again the next day.”
2. Timing is everything
“The best time to talk about difficult topics is early in the day or after a meal, when senior adults are most clear headed,” Laychock says. (Of course, arguably, that’s when younger and middle-aged adults are also going to be in the mood to talk about challenging topics.)
3. You’re here to help, not hurt
“Frame your role as support, not control,” Hughes suggests. “A simple opener, such as ‘In case something happens, I want to make sure we have everything organized just as you’d like,’ can help set the right tone.”
4. Be empathetic
“Even parents who agree to a conversation about senior care will struggle to accept the ramifications — a permanent loss of independence and guardrails on their decision-making ability,” Laychock says. “Remember change is hard for everyone.”
She suggests approaching these senior care conversations as a partnership and to be interested in your parents’ input. She also recommends that you keep in mind that if you have kids, someday, they’ll be having this conversation — with you. “It’s never too early to think about how you want to handle your own aging process,” Laychock says.
More from U.S. News
Trauma Bonding: Signs, Stages and Recovery
The GLP-1 Effect: Beyond Weight Loss and Into Longevity
Home Care vs. Assisted Living: A Full Cost-Benefit Analysis and 2026 Price Guide
Family Financial Alignment: A Financial Checklist for Starting the Senior Care Conversation originally appeared on usnews.com
