Bullying is a persistent problem for students, educators and parents across K-12 grades, and experts say there are ways to help address and prevent it.
What Is Bullying?
Examples of bullying behavior are spreading rumors and harassing, intimidating or excluding students in person or online. Cyberbullying — sending demeaning messages through text, email or social media — continues to increase as students gain more access to technology at a younger age, experts say.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines bullying as “any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths…. It involves an observed or perceived power imbalance, and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated.”
It qualifies as bullying “if it’s on purpose, if it’s hurtful, if it’s ongoing and if it’s unfair and one-sided,” says Catherine Marge, who works mostly with elementary students and is a mental health therapist at The Center for Child Development in Delaware.
Other experts agree, describing bullying as an ongoing challenge for schools that has long-lasting implications for students.
Effects of Bullying
“Being bullied is linked to internalizing problems such as anxiety and depression and externalizing problems, like rule-breaking and aggression,” says Lisa Rosen, a psychology professor at Texas Woman’s University who has edited two books on bullying.
Certain groups are at greater risk of bullying, experts say. Students with disabilities, LGBTQ+ youth and students who are racial or cultural minorities often face targeted bullying.
“People would call me fat or ugly or call me gay as an insult,” says T’Kai Burruss, a freshman at Georgia State University. He says the bullying began around the time he entered middle school. At first he did nothing.
[READ: Understanding School-Based Mental Health Services]
“I just took it,” he said. Eventually, he told his mother, who supported him by urging him to not let the bullies get to him. That helped, he says, and he finally spoke to school authorities.
“Speak up about bullying because a person shouldn’t be able to diminish or degrade you or make you feel small,” he advises. “Don’t give people that much power over you.”
Marge has significant concerns for the middle schoolers with whom she works. She says they’re “being impacted deeply by bullying,” which is “causing heightened anxiety, triggering some self-harm, suicidal ideation, depression and fear of social status declining.”
What to Do if Your Child Is Bullying Others
“It’s hard for a lot of parents to believe that their child is actually the one who’s doing the harm,” says Sameer Hinduja, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center and a criminology and criminal justice professor at Florida Atlantic University. He works with schools across the U.S., interacting with youth, educators, parents and guardians.
Don’t Be in Denial
“It’s very easy for us to come to the defense of our children,” Hinduja says. “But the reality is, my child, your child, anyone’s child could be the aggressor. It doesn’t mean that they’re a sociopath. It just means they’re likely struggling in some capacity and they’re acting out.”
The first step is for parents to acknowledge that your child could be engaging in behaviors that could hurt others, Hinduja says. But remain calm, he advises.
“Remember that your child is not the problem, the behavior is the problem. You want to treat your child with dignity rather than condemning them or shaming them.”
Communicate Effectively
Communication is extremely important, so ask questions, Hinduja says. “What happened? What’s going on with your peers? What might have prompted this? What led you to act in this way?”
Parents should talk about the values and beliefs that they have instilled in the child.
“We also can agree that violence in the form of bullying is never the answer,” Hinduja says. Make sure the bullying behavior stops and set boundaries and expectations for future behavior, he adds.
[READ: How to Communicate With Your Child’s Teacher]
Consequences might involve grounding from certain activities or taking away privileges such as using technology because there’s typically an overlap, experts say. Set up parental controls if the bullying involves devices.
Emphasize that “the golden rule” — an ancient moral principle that means treating others the way you want to be treated — still matters. It’s critical to raise children not to hurt others, and that should be a part of their value system, experts say.
Get to the Root of the Problem
Get to the bottom of what is prompting the bullying behavior, and do so with younger children as soon as you see the behavior. Help them learn to regulate their emotions, deal with anger and become more resilient, experts say.
Resilience is the ability to overcome adversity, and it helps stop bullying. Hinduja says it means teaching your child this: “It doesn’t matter what people think or say about you. You can only control what you can control, which is, you’re working hard, focusing on school, becoming an amazing person.”
Cultivate empathy, experts say, and Hinduja suggests helping a young child feel some empathy toward the aggressor. “Help them to understand that the bully’s home life might be awful. Perhaps they don’t feel loved by anyone.”
Keep it Private
Don’t shame your child publicly. Examples abound of parents who shame their children on social media for bullying another kid. It may go viral, but at what cost?
“Those are horrible parenting decisions that don’t care for the child’s heart, and don’t treat the child with dignity,” Hinduja says. It’s very clear in the research that when you shame a child, they are much more likely to become individuals who avoid their problems or lash out. Your home is no longer a safe place for your child because you’ve publicly shamed them.”
What Can Schools Do to Address Bullying
Cultivate Positive Environments
Positive school climates are important to stem bullying, experts say. Teachers and administrators should model kindness and inclusiveness, aiming for environments marked by connectedness, belonging and peer respect.
“What we find in the research is that where schools have taken the time to build those environments, you have a lot less bullying and cyberbullying,” Hinduja says.
[READ: The Benefits of Mental Health Programs in Schools]
Schools can also cultivate empathy, for example by using curriculum enhancements and group activities to help kids understand what it’s like for others to feel sad.
“We want our youth to be exposed to the fact that other people don’t have it as good as them,” Hinduja says. “They have a role to play in lifting the spirits of others. We have a role to play to improve their situation.”
Maintain and Enforce Policies
Schools should have strong anti-bullying policies in place, and enforce them.
“I think schools are getting smart about how to approach the bully and how to still stand up for those who are being bullied,” Marge says. “More now than ever, counselors and schools are recognizing that a bully is not just a mean person. It’s somebody who may be hurting themselves, and is trying to take it out on somebody else.”
Schools need more than an anti-bullying assembly once a year, experts say. Long-term approaches can be effective, especially if the school programs include parents.
Schools should also incorporate programs that focus on how bystanders can help prevent bullying, experts say, identifying and adapting successful programs elsewhere.
“Effective programs do exist,” Rosen says. “There’s no need to reinvent the wheel.”
As one example, she notes the international Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, whose hub was the Institute on Family and Neighborhood Life at Clemson University in South Carolina until it recently came under the control of the Pennsylvania-based Center for Schools and Communities. OBPP is at thousands of schools across the U.S. and abroad and focuses on reducing and preventing bullying while improving school climates in grades K-12.
Consider therapy for children who are bullied and for bullies, experts say. Although those students will have parental support at home and support at school, going to therapy is an additional layer of support, says Kim Knight, a therapist in private practice in New York City.
Knight says she focuses on giving young people more tools to be more assertive and more comfortable advocating for themselves. Bullying can have long-lasting effects, she adds.
“I have adults who I see, who have been impacted tremendously by their experiences of being bullied as children, because you carry it into your adult life if it’s not dealt with.”
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Bullying in Schools: What to Know and How to Deal With it originally appeared on usnews.com
