For octogenarian Ed Bollinger, moving with his wife to Oak Crest, a senior living community in Maryland, became a family affair.
“My oldest sibling spent the last five years living by herself in Massachusetts, and her son convinced her to come to live here,” he says. “We eat together on Saturday and Sunday and have fun remembering times growing up together. I honestly think we are getting to know each other better now than when growing up.”
Senior living has its benefits for seniors, but it helped his grown children as well — one of whom, a teacher in her mid-50s with four kids, lives 40 miles away.
“After we moved to Oak Crest, our oldest daughter thanked us,” he says. “She said, ‘Dad, I want to thank you and Mom for moving to a retirement community. I am seeing many of our friends trying to juggle their time and energy between parents, their family, their spouse and their employment. I have much less worry and burden because you live at Oak Crest.”
More older adults like Bollinger are discovering the advantages of senior living — not just for themselves, but also for their family relationships.
“Family caregivers not only gain greater peace of mind knowing their loved ones receive professional care, but they also often develop a warmer, more emotionally close relationship with their older parent when relieved of caregiving duties,” says Stephen Golant, a gerontologist and professor emeritus at the University of Florida.
Here’s more about how senior living can build positive connections for seniors and their families.
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The Challenges of Aging at Home
Today, aging at home is often simply too difficult for families without a “village” to help with caregiving.
“Societal shifts are decreasing the availability of family and social support for older adults,” says Christy Phillips, a gerontologist at Brookdale Senior Living.
These shifts include:
— Smaller families, so fewer members to share duties
— More dual-working families
— More adult children living far away
— Growing sandwich generation caring for parents and children
— Larger homes that are not accessible or age-friendly, and require much upkeep
“Caregiving duties are time-consuming, physically and emotionally demanding, and anxiety-filled responsibilities,” Golant says.
Although caregiving can be rewarding, “it can be a lot to juggle,” Phillips says.
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The Benefits of Senior Living for Family Connections
With senior living, all this responsibility falls on health care professionals.
“Moving into senior living provides an environment optimized to meet resident’s physical, cognitive and social needs, allowing the focus to shift back to your relationship,” Phillips says.
Senior living can restore positive family connections by:
1. Relieving the caregiving burden
Once caregiving shifts to the facility, family members experience less caregiver burnout and significant emotional and physical relief, improving their physical and mental health.
“When a loved one first moves to one of our communities, we often find that family members feel a sense of relief and peace of mind knowing their loved one is safe and well cared for,” says Sarah Kokinos, vice president of community living at Erickson Senior Living, which manages Oak Crest.
2. Renewing roles
Taking care of a parent can change the nature of your relationship from enjoyment to task management, which can erode the quality of life for both parent and adult child.
“When our loved ones are receiving the care they need in a senior living community, family members can ‘take off’ the caregiver hat and just be the son, daughter or grandchild,” says Amanda Krisher, associate director of behavioral health at the National Council on Aging (NCOA). “Your family member receives support tailored to their individual needs, while adult children get the chance to be the ‘kid’ again.”
3. Having quality time instead of to-do lists
Family members no longer have to worry about common caregiver duties, such as coordinating medication and doctor visits, tending to household chores and maintenance, making sure meals are being eaten, and even just “checking in.”
Also, the senior is no longer stressed about asking for help with those tasks.
Instead, visits shift back to quality time spent together.
“Conversations become more about shared memories, laughter and connection, rather than logistics and to-do lists, which often allows relationships to deepen and heal,” Phillips says. “Senior living supports the whole family by making space for joy in the relationship again.”
4. Creating better family dynamics
When adult children are “in charge of” their aging parent, the relationship may become marred by frustration or resentment, creating distance.
“You inevitably act like a ‘boss’ by imposing medication schedules, monitoring for abnormal behaviors and similar tasks, which can lead to a confrontational dynamic,” Golant says.
Senior living can renew the balance of the relationship because family members can focus on rebuilding and nurturing an emotionally closer relationship, with fewer negative feelings.
“The family dynamics tend to shift more towards peace of mind and contentment,” Kokinos says.
5. Enjoying more intentional visits
With everyone relaxed and mindfully present in the moment, visits to an older loved one can be more intentional in spending invaluable time together.
“To make these visits even more meaningful, consider tucking your phone away while you are there,” Kokinos says. “It can be beneficial to set aside distractions, and focus on active listening and genuine connections.”
In addition, a regular visiting schedule can give seniors a predictable routine to help connect their past to their new present.
“Family members can be a ‘constant’ for their loved one,” Krisher says. “This can provide consistency for the resident and something to look forward to.”
6. Reducing guilt
At first, a family member may feel guilt over relinquishing caregiving responsibilities, but this fades when they see how engaged their older loved one is.
“We see residents get involved in their community and really thrive — whether it’s new fitness classes, leading a club or starting a new hobby — and the families witness this change, which leads to deeper connections and bonds,” Kokinos says.
Adult children are often pleasantly surprised to find how busy their parents are.
“Families discover their parent’s schedule can become quite full, so it can be challenging to ‘get on their calendar,'” Phillips says.
7. Providing family amenities and activities
Although there may be a sense of loss for holidays spent in the family home, senior living provides opportunities for new traditions, intergenerational activities and family bonding.
“We encourage residents and visitors to take advantage of the amenities available by sharing a meal, attending a community event, enjoying a performance, playing a game or simply taking a walk,” Kokonis says. “Grandchildren seem to enjoy the indoor pools especially!”
Other amenities available for family bonding may include:
— Private dining rooms with chef for special occasions
— Family workshops such as art or woodworking
— Mini golf
— “Grandcamp” for residents and grandchildren, complete with arts and crafts, water balloons and games
“These moments help preserve the deeper connection that makes family relationships so special,” Phillips says.
8. Offering more family support
Family members still advocate for their older loved one in senior living. However, in addition to support from the care team, they may also have additional services, such as support groups or social workers available.
“These opportunities can help strengthen the family unit as a whole by improving communication, deepening understanding and fostering a greater sense of closeness,” Phillips says.
With more support, family members can develop a more positive relationship with their older loved one while they reclaim their lives.
“As residents become more engaged within their senior living community, their adult children can more fully embrace their own lives, work and relationships,” Kokinos says. “In our experience, it’s really a win-win situation for most families.”
Where and When to Move to Senior Living
Senior living includes many possibilities depending on your care needs, such as:
— Continuing care retirement communities (CCRC), which provide several levels of care
Moving to a CCRC while seniors are still active and healthy can relieve children from having to move their parent and make care decisions for them later, Golant says.
Bottom Line
Transitioning to senior living may seem daunting, but may benefit the entire family, creating stronger bonds.
“As family members build trust with the community, they can feel more confident that their loved one is receiving the care they need, and focus on just being a family member,” Krisher says.
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