Bill Schmitt is the last of the “five guys.” Since their days as grade-school classmates in the tiny town of Walnut, Illinois, Schmitt and his four best friends — Cliff, Jim, Pat and Adrian — shared a bond built on backyard games, high school athletics, career triumphs and long-distance phone calls that lasted for many decades. But with the recent passing of the last remaining member of the group, Schmitt’s weekly call list is now painfully silent. He is left with a kind of loneliness that goes beyond missing a friend.
“It’s like losing all the memories at once,” says Schmitt, 88, who has been married to his wife, Toni, for the past 65 years. “There’s no one left who remembers the goofy things we did. No one to call and say, ‘Do you remember when we did this?’ And that’s the part that really hurts.”
Schmitt is not alone in his loneliness. Barry Appelbaum has cared for his wife, Susanne, since her severe stroke 14 years ago, but their relationship has changed profoundly. She has trouble communicating, making conversation nearly impossible. Although he remains devoted, Appelbaum experiences deep loneliness and anticipatory grief, mourning the version of his wife who is no longer mentally present. He copes through his full-time sales job, support groups, volunteer work with The Well Spouse Association and occasional time for himself, but the silence and isolation remain.
[Read: 6 Tips for Aging Alone]
How Common Is Loneliness?
Loneliness in America is widespread and impacts all ages. According to a 2023 Gallup Poll, loneliness affects 44 million American adults, equivalent to 17% of the population. Older adults are at increased risk for loneliness and social isolation. A 2020 report by the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine found that more than one-third of adults age 45 and older feel lonely and nearly one-fourth of adults age 65 and older are considered to be socially isolated. Living alone, losing close family members or friends and suffering from chronic diseases contributes to loneliness in older adults.
American men, especially those who are elderly, are more likely to be socially isolated than women. Male veterans may be the exception to this. However, in general, men have smaller social networks and less regular contact with children and relatives over the course of their lives, and they face heightened risks of isolation if they divorce or become widowers, says Dr. Jeremy Nobel, author of “Project UnLonely” and on the faculty of the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.
“Many older men lean heavily on their wives for social connection, and when that partner is gone, their world can fall apart,” says Nobel, who is also founder and president of the Foundation for Art & Healing.
Loneliness in Older Men
Loneliness not only leads to isolation but comes with serious health consequences. Research has shown that loneliness increases the risk of mortality as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and more than obesity or physical inactivity. Feelings of loneliness are associated with a higher risk of heart disease, mental health issues and premature death.
What Is Loneliness?
Loneliness is a universal human experience, something nearly everyone encounters at different points in life. It’s typically described as emotional distress that arises from the absence of meaningful personal connections. But loneliness doesn’t affect only the young or the elderly. Even those surrounded by others, whether in large families or long-term marriages, can feel isolated when their emotional relationships lack depth, support or fulfillment.
Loneliness: What are the signs?
Loneliness can appear in various ways. Here are some common symptoms that may be a sign of loneliness:
— Decreased interest in activities
— Difficulty concentrating
— Emotional fluctuations
— Lack of close relationships
— Loss of appetite
— Overreliance on technology
— Self-destructive behavior
— Social withdrawal
“I’m still married, but I feel alone most days,” Appelbaum says. “It’s not a partnership anymore, it’s like I’m raising a child, not sharing a life with a spouse.”
Loneliness and being alone are different.
“Loneliness is not about being alone; it’s about feeling disconnected,” Nobel says. “You can be surrounded by people and still feel unseen.”
[READ: How Loneliness Impacts Your Health and 10 Ways to Combat It]
Loneliness and Social Connections
While the terms social isolation and loneliness are often used as if they mean the same thing, they refer to distinct experiences. Social isolation describes having limited contact or interactions with others, but it doesn’t always lead to feelings of loneliness. In contrast, loneliness is a subjective experience; it stems from the gap between the relationships a person wants and what they actually have, regardless of how socially active they may appear.
Establishing meaningful human connections is key to fighting loneliness and social isolation. Good-quality relationships help people in so many ways.
“Unless men actively seek out new social networks, they’re at risk for becoming increasingly isolated after retirement or loss,” Nobel says.
[READ: How to Make Friends as an Adult]
Causes of Loneliness
Researchers have identified several causes of loneliness. Known culprits include:
— Emotional and mental health struggles. Conditions like depression, grief and emotional trauma often drive people to withdraw from others, reinforcing the cycle of loneliness. Depression, marked by sadness, hopelessness and loss of interest, often causes people to isolate themselves. Similarly, grief after the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship or other major life losses can leave individuals feeling empty and alone. In fact, a 2018 KFF report found that 59% of lonely individuals had experienced a significant loss within the past two years.
— Addictive behavior. Many people turn to alcohol or drugs to escape emotional pain from loss, failed relationships or financial hardship. However, substance use often deepens feelings of disconnection and shame, creating a vicious cycle that worsens isolation and prevents healing.
— Social disconnection and weak support networks. Loneliness often stems from having too few meaningful relationships. Many who describe themselves as lonely report dissatisfaction with their existing social networks or a lack of close family and friends nearby. According to KFF data, two-thirds of lonely individuals have few or no close contacts living nearby.
— Living alone. Solo living is on the rise. According to the 2020 U.S. Census, more than 27% of U.S. households consist of just one person — a significant increase since 1980. While some people embrace the freedom of living alone, others experience it as isolating, particularly if they lack regular social interaction or emotional support. Without outside engagement, those who live alone may be at higher risk of withdrawing further and struggling in silence.
— Physical limitations and chronic health conditions. People with mobility issues, chronic pain or other health challenges may face barriers to participating in social life. The KFF report found that those who feel lonely are more than twice as likely to suffer from a debilitating illness or disability. This physical isolation can limit opportunities for connection and contribute to emotional distress.
— Life transitions and loss of routine. Major life changes, such as retirement, moving to a new city or the loss of a caregiving role, can disrupt social routines and networks. These transitions often lead to unexpected loneliness, even in those who previously felt socially fulfilled.
Men’s Health and Loneliness
While not a clinical diagnosis, loneliness can have profound effects on both mental and physical health. It has been linked to several major health risks, including:
— Depression: Studies show a strong connection between loneliness, depressive symptoms, anxiety and hopelessness.
— Cognitive decline: Loneliness is associated with poorer memory, and a 2022 study reported a 50% increased risk of dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease.
— Heart disease: Poor social connections are linked to a 29% higher risk of heart disease and a 32% higher risk of stroke, according to a 2016 study in the journal Heart.
— Lower immunity: Loneliness can disrupt immune function, weakening antiviral defenses and increasing inflammation.
— Premature death: Loneliness raises the risk of early death by 26%, according to a review of multiple studies.
— Sleep problems: Lonely individuals are more likely to report poor or insufficient sleep, according to a 2021 report.
Ways to Overcome Loneliness
To reduce loneliness, experts recommend focusing on building strong personal connections by nurturing relationships with family, friends and community.
Some ways to stay engaged, include:
— Hobbies. Pursue activities that bring you joy and give structure to your free time.
— Volunteering. Helping others by sharing time and talents helps to offer a sense of purpose.
— Adopting a pet. Getting a pet can help provide companionship and emotional comfort.
— Physical activities. Staying active through walking, biking, fishing or golfing — activities that not only improve your mood but also create opportunities to connect with others can be helpful.
— Joining clubs or groups. Finding social groups where you can bond with others over shared interests offers a way to feel more connected.
Schmitt got involved in a national club called ROMEO (Retired Old Men Eating Out) after realizing how many older men in his town were quietly struggling with loneliness, especially after retiring or losing a spouse. He saw that unlike women, who often maintain strong social networks, many men lack consistent companionship or opportunities for connection.
The ROMEO model is simple but powerful: It gives older men a structured, low-pressure way to connect with one another over shared interests, often centered around a regular meal, a hobby or a casual event. In Schmitt’s case, that meant organizing gatherings like classic car shows with hamburgers and hot dogs, activities that feel familiar and enjoyable but also foster real conversation and bonding. ROMEO groups have popped up across the country. There’s no accurate estimate, but Schmitt, who oversees the national organization and a local club in Branford, Connecticut, believes there are more than 5,000 clubs across the country.
Tom Mahoney, 70, helped start a ROMEO group to help reduce isolation among older men in his community of Harpswell, Maine. Although he’s socially active himself and happily dating his girlfriend, his work with the community groups made him aware that many men were living alone and disconnected. Using his background in public health, Mahoney helped launch ROMEO to bring men together over meals and shared interests. The group has quickly grown and now regularly draws dozens of participants.
For those with more serious cases of loneliness, talking to your doctor or mental health counselor can uncover underlying issues and provide support. Socializing in person or over the phone is often more meaningful than digital interactions, though social media can help maintain long-distance connections when used in moderation.
Bottom Line
Loneliness is a profound and growing public health challenge in America among older adults, particularly men, who often lack the strong social networks that help protect against isolation. With serious consequences for both mental and physical health, combating loneliness requires intentional effort to foster connection and purpose.
Community-based efforts like ROMEO show that even simple, local gatherings centered around shared interests and meals can create powerful opportunities for men to reconnect and belong. Addressing loneliness starts with recognizing its impact and continues through meaningful relationships and community engagement.
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Loneliness: How It Affects Senior Men originally appeared on usnews.com
