Living with post-traumatic stress disorder can be isolating and unpredictable. Around 13 million adults in the United States — 5% of the population — experience PTSD each year, according to the National Center for PTSD. With PTSD, a traumatic event in the recent or distant past can cause a prolonged reaction to the traumatic event, resulting in intrusive memories, flashbacks and nightmares, unexpected outbursts, paralyzing fear and social avoidance. PTSD disrupts people’s lives and relationships as it affects their ability to function. It can affect anyone, regardless of age, background or occupation: Combat veterans, assault and abuse survivors, cancer patients, car crash victims, witnesses to natural disasters, police and emergency responders repeatedly exposed to terrible situations or kids who have suddenly lost a family member or lived through domestic violence.
While PTSD is a challenging disorder, having a support system can make a meaningful difference. When someone shares that they’re having these issues, or lets you know they’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, their reaching out provides an opening for a conversation and for you to offer support. For loved ones, it can be hard to know how to help or what to say. You can start by saying something along the lines of, “I’m so glad that you told me.” And by listening, being patient and learning how to offer thoughtful, respectful support, you can be a positive part of your loved one’s healing journey.
If someone in your life is struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder, you may wonder what to say or how to help. Below, experts suggest supportive ways to respond if you learn a family member or friend is dealing with PTSD.
[READ: What to Do During a Mental Health Crisis]
What Does a PTSD Episode Look Like?
While PTSD symptoms are often pervasive and impact daily life, individuals with PTSD may also experience episodes where their symptoms become especially intense or overwhelming. Sometimes called flashbacks or PTSD attacks, these episodes might cause someone to relive aspects of a traumatic event. PTSD episodes may be triggered by a reminder of the traumatic event and can manifest in different ways.
During PTSD episodes, the brain responds as though real danger is imminent. This causes an increase in heart rate, shallow rapid breathing, perspiration and panic as the fight or flight system kicks in.
“Not everyone experiences trauma the same way,” says Patrick Wheeler, a behavioral therapist with BJC Behavioral Health in St. Louis. “Behavioral and emotional responses to triggers may present across a broad spectrum. Some are visible — pacing, crying, difficulty breathing, an obvious look of distress — and some aren’t — intrusive thoughts, racing heart, tensing of muscles.”
[See: Tips to Support Someone Having a Panic Attack.]
How Can I Help During a PTSD Episode?
Responding to these moments of distress with support can make a real difference. It’s helpful to have open, honest conversations with your loved one about their particular triggers, how they experience symptoms and how they’d like to be supported when those symptoms intensify.
“If one has knowledge of evidence-based coping strategies — breathing exercises, for example — this may be an ideal time to use those strategies with the person’s permission,” Wheeler says. “Otherwise, just meet them where they are. Be gently direct and ask them what you can do to help, whether it’s taking a walk with them, changing the environment or another coping strategy.”
Support strategies during a PTSD attack to calm symptoms
When your loved one is in the middle of an episode, consider the following approaches:
— Stay calm and grounded. Your nervous system can help regulate theirs. Speak gently, stay composed and avoid sudden movements or triggering language.
— Ask them what they need. In a moment where symptoms spike, simplicity can bring calm. A simple, “What can I do for you right now?” or “Do you want me to stay with you?” can go a long way.
— Offer concrete options. Your loved one may not be in the right mental space to discuss complex coping mechanisms, but concrete options can help create a sense of safety and control. For example, questions like “Would it help to take a short walk?” “Do you want to step outside for some air?” or “Would you like some water?” can help your loved one ground themselves.
— Respect your loved one’s boundaries. PTSD episodes involve challenging symptoms and emotions. If they ask to be left alone or not touched, it’s best to honor their wishes.
— With permission, suggest grounding techniques. Simple grounding techniques can help restore a sense of safety and regulate the nervous system. One method you can try involves controlled breathing — for example, guiding your loved one to inhale for four seconds, hold for five and exhale for six. You can also suggest a grounding technique that engages the senses. Gently propose naming five things they can see, four things they can hear, three things they can feel, two things they can smell and one thing they can taste. Techniques like these can help ease physical and emotional tension.
— Avoid asking too many questions. PTSD episodes can be overwhelming, so it’s best to keep questions simple and respectful.
[Read: Grounding Techniques: Exercises for Anxiety and Panic Attacks]
What to Do After an Episode
Once symptoms calm, it can be helpful to create space for your loved one to share, if they feel ready and want to talk. It’s important not to push and ask many questions or force physical closeness and instead, show up for someone as they are.
“Make sure that you’re grounded and listening to learn,” Tunno says. “Be present, aware of your own responses and focus on validating rather than pushing. Listen to their boundaries and believe them.”
These conversations can also clarify how to be most helpful during future episodes, allowing you and your loved one to discuss which approaches work and which do more harm than good.
“People can make mistakes when trying to help someone with PTSD, and that’s okay. As long as you make an effort to learn from that. Learn how to support your loved ones and create a space of psychological safety,” says Tunno.
How Can I Help Someone With PTSD Day-to-Day?
While knowing how to respond during an episode is important, support doesn’t end there.
Living with PTSD often means managing symptoms on a daily basis, and having consistent, thoughtful support in everyday life can be just as meaningful. There are many actions you can take to show up for your loved one and help create a sense of safety and healing:
— Offer to listen. Just being there as an active, empathetic listener can help in supporting someone with PTSD. Let them know you’re available to talk when they want to, without pushing them to share before they’re ready. “It can be so helpful to sit with someone in what they’re experiencing,” explains Tunno. “It’s important to listen and get curious without asking an overwhelming amount of questions. Follow their lead and meet them where they’re at.”
— Give space if necessary. “It’s important to be in tune not only with what a person says, but their nonverbal communication as well,” Wheeler says. “When a person seems withdrawn, distant or irritable, let them process accordingly. While it is okay to periodically “check in” with a brief show of support or love, it’s important not to be intrusive or overbearing, as this may serve as a trigger or association of the trauma experience in and of itself.”
— Be patient. PTSD symptoms can be unpredictable and difficult to manage, so being patient with someone as they navigate their healing process can make a meaningful difference. It’s important to remember that changes in behavior — like increased reactivity, negative emotional state or social withdrawal — aren’t personal. These responses are expected and common in the aftermath of trauma.
— Stay present. Even if your loved one isn’t ready to open up, you can still be a supportive presence. “Support comes in the form of just being, not ‘doing,'” Wheeler says. “Being available, compassionate, patient, and letting them take the lead will cultivate a safe space for them to talk when it is right for them.”
— Encourage professional support. While a support network can be a critical part of healing for those with PTSD, professional care often plays an essential role in recovery. Helping your loved one understand the options available, and mentioning therapy or other forms of care in a thoughtful, respectful way can make them feel supported in their healing.
— Foster stability. “One important thing you can do is try and be as routine and predictable as normal,” Tunno explains. “Trauma strips people of predictability and safety, so it’s important to help rebuild that in daily life.” This can look like keeping routines consistent, following through on plans and promises and being an emotionally steady presence.
How to Navigate PTSD Triggers
Understanding what triggers your loved one’s PTSD symptoms and episodes is one of the most meaningful ways to offer support. Triggers can be people, objects, sounds, smells, places or even thoughts that bring up distressing memories or feelings. Often, these are linked to the original trauma.
Not all triggers are obvious. Some are external, like loud noises, specific environments or physical touch. Others can be internal, like intrusive thoughts, certain memories or feeling out of control.
How to help identify and avoid triggers
PTSD triggers are deeply personal, but it can be helpful to notice patterns together and create space for open conversations. Here are some ways you can help:
— Have judgment-free conversations. When your loved one is feeling calm and safe, gently ask if they are willing to share if they know what tends to set off their symptoms, or if certain situations or experiences feel particularly difficult. Your loved one may not be ready to share, but it’s important to let them know that you’re there when they’re ready.
— Notice patterns. Keeping track of recurring responses can help you identify triggers. If you notice that your loved one repeatedly becomes distressed in certain environments or in response to specific objects, for example, you can bring your observations up with care to discuss how they’d like to manage things.
— Let them lead. PTSD often involves a loss of control, so it’s important to allow your loved one to take the lead. They may not be ready to share right away, and that’s okay. Respect their pace and offer support in a way they feel comfortable with.
— Check in after episodes. It’s not always possible to know what will trigger symptoms, but checking in after episodes can help. When your loved one feels safe, gently explore what might have caused their spike in symptoms.
Ways to help manage triggers
Everyone’s experience with triggers is unique, but there are some thoughtful ways you can support your loved one in avoiding or managing their triggers.
You can help by adjusting the environment when possible. For example, dimming harsh lights, steering clear of distressing topics or questions or removing certain objects from a room. Try to gently limit your loved one’s exposure to the things you notice trigger symptoms whenever possible. Offering them choices can be empowering, too. If they have an event or obligation that involves triggers, gently ask if they’d prefer to skip it or if they’d like you to accompany them.
You can also discuss a plan with your loved one on what they’d like to do if they encounter a trigger unexpectedly. Establishing agreed-upon steps that they can follow in a moment of distress can ease their worries and help them feel more prepared and supported during challenging moments. This could look like taking a break, leaving the room, getting a glass of water or doing a breathing exercise, for example.
Unfortunately, it’s not always possible to completely avoid triggers. When avoiding triggers isn’t an option, do your best to help your loved ones stay grounded. Encourage coping strategies like breathing exercises, or offer to take a walk with them to get some air. Above all, let them take the lead and meet them where they are with your support.
Getting Help for Someone With PTSD
Support from family and friends can make a meaningful difference in your loved one’s healing journey, but professional support is often essential for effective treatment and recovery. Therapists, counselors and medical providers trained in trauma care can offer treatment that is tailored to their particular symptoms and trauma experience. Prolonged exposure therapy, which is based on cognitive behavioral therapy, is one option. EDMR therapy is another option for treating PTSD and other trauma.
If you want to encourage your loved one to get professional support, here are some ways you can help:
— Approach the topic gently. Let them know you’re there to support them and don’t want to push them before they’re ready.
— Help them research trauma-informed care. Navigating treatment options can be a daunting experience, so just taking a moment to search for a therapist or clinic can make a complicated process a bit easier.
— Offer support. Offer to drive them to appointments or accompany them to sessions if they’d like.
— Be patient. Seeking help for PTSD is a deeply vulnerable and personal experience. Your loved one may not be ready to get clinical help yet, and it’s important to validate their experience rather than push them.
— Be there to listen. Treatment for PTSD can be emotionally demanding. Your loved one may want to express how they feel about their treatment and progress, so it’s helpful to create a judgment-free space for them to feel heard.
[READ: What Not to Say to Someone With Depression.]
What Not to Say
As much as we want to help, certain words or reactions can be unintentionally harmful, reinforce stigma or leave someone with PTSD feeling misunderstood and isolated. It’s important to be mindful about the way we talk about trauma, PTSD and healing.
When someone confides that they have PTSD, respect their emotional experience. It’s not helpful to downplay the traumatic event, even if you have the best intentions. It’s important to validate — not negate — what they’re feeling.
Learning about PTSD — via articles, videos or books — can help you recognize what’s supportive and what might inadvertently cause harm. If you’re unsure, you can always ask your loved one what kinds of comments feel supportive versus hurtful. Still, there are some common sentiments that are best to avoid.
“One should avoid using phrases that are curt or dismissive of their experience, or that compare trauma experiences,” Wheeler explains. “Sayings like, ‘just give it time,’ ‘you’ll be okay’ or ‘you can’t let this get you down’ can be harmful in someone’s healing process.”
Examples of what not to say to someone who has PTSD:
— “It’s been a while — you should be doing better by now. Why are you still feeling this way?” Asking a lot of “why” questions can make the survivor feel they’re being challenged instead of supported.
— “Look on the positive side: You survived this situation.” There’s nothing positive about having ongoing fears and intrusive thoughts.
— “It could have been worse.” Comparing someone else’s traumatic event with that of the person sitting in front of you seems to minimize the importance of what he or she experienced.
— Direct, unasked-for advice. Instead, take a more of an “I’ve got your back” approach.
[READ: Resources for Caregivers of Military Veterans]
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting someone with PTSD can make a positive impact on their recovery, but it can also be emotionally demanding.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup,” Tunno says. “It’s important to take care of your own mental health and physical well-being too.”
Some helpful ways to do this include:
— Join support groups where you can connect with others who understand your experience can help.
— Practice self-care by making time for activities you enjoy and creating a routine that allows you to recharge.
— Work with a therapist to process your own emotions and build coping skills.
— Set boundaries with your loved one that will help you better navigate supporting them while also protecting your own emotional well-being.
— Know when to step back to avoid burnout.
— Be patient with both yourself and your loved one during difficult times.
“Supporting someone with PTSD can be emotionally heavy. You have to put your mask on first — take care of yourself — so you can show up fully and be that steady, calm presence your loved one needs,” Tunno says.
Resources for PTSD Caregivers
You can locate resources for information and referrals for loved ones — or yourself. These are some places to start:
— The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
— National Alliance on Mental Illness
— VA Caregiver Support Program
— Caregiver Action Network Guide for Supporting a Loved One With PTSD
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How to Help Someone With PTSD originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 07/29/25: This story was published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
