Karlee Lipton of Conway, Arkansas, was surprised by the way postpartum depression hit her when she had her baby in the summer of 2024.
Lipton had already seen a therapist and a psychiatrist to help with her anxiety and depression. They had given her tools to help her manage these conditions, and she had time and space to discuss what having a new baby in her family’s life would mean.
She and her husband brought her daughter from the hospital, and she laid down to go to sleep. Then the symptoms began.
“It hit me like a ton of bricks, which is crazy because I had actually done a lot of work on myself,” she says.
Realizing that she wasn’t herself, Lipton found support from her therapist and psychiatrist, who prescribed a new prescription drug for postpartum depression.
But a major component to help her feel better was the support she received from her family. Her husband let her cry as often as she needed. Both he and her mother-in-law let Lipton voice her most anxious and depressive thoughts without problem-solving.
“They were validating my emotions and letting me feel how I felt and just supporting me,” she says.
If you have a friend or family member living with depression, you may wonder about the best way to support them, just as Lipton’s family members did for her.
[READ: Mental Health Support Groups: Pros & Cons.]
Knowing the Symptoms of Depression
Depression is a serious mood disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness that can affect various aspects of your daily life. The condition is common, affecting about 8% of adults and 15% of teens ages 12 to 17 each year, according to Mental Health America.
It can be difficult for a friend or family member to distinguish depression from seasonal affective disorder, general sadness or a tough time in life.
Depression may happen after a major life challenge, such as losing a job or experiencing the death of someone close, but it also may not have an associated event.
“Depression is more than just feeling down or the adjustment to changes in circumstance,” says Acea Starks, a counselor with PlushCare, a virtual health platform for therapy, primary care and weight management.
Symptoms of depression include:
— Feeling very sad or irritable
— Gaining or losing weight
— Getting easily frustrated
— Having thoughts of self-harm or suicide
— Having low energy
— Not enjoying hobbies or other activities like normally
[READ: 9 Signs of Depression: Symptoms to Watch for]
How to Support Someone With Depression
If you have a loved one going through depression, there are several things you can do to support them.
Here are a few tips to help.
1. Learn mindful listening
Being able to listen to someone who’s going through depression may sound easy enough, but it takes a little more practice.
“Hearing is a passive thing, whereas listening is a skill,” Starks says.
Here are some ways to be a better listener for a loved one with depression:
— Practice reflective listening. Let your loved one talk, and rephrase what they said back to them. Reflective listening can make the person talking feel validated and understood, says Dana Colthart, a psychotherapist with Clear Light Therapy in Englewood, New Jersey.
— Ask open-ended questions. Ask questions that they cannot answer with either “yes” or “no.” For example, you can ask questions like “How are you feeling today?” or “What’s the best way for me to help you?”
— Get them to talk only if they’re ready. “Some people need time before they’re ready to pen up. Don’t force it,” advises Dr. Rachel Dalthorp, executive medical director of special services at LifeStance Health, an in-person and virtual platform for mental health conditions.
Helpful phrases you can use are:
— “I’m here for you no matter what.”
— “You’re not alone in this.”
— “This isn’t your fault. It’s biological, not a failure.”
[READ: How to Find the Right Mental Health Counselor for You]
2. Encourage your loved one to seek help
Finding support from a mental health or primary health provider can make a big difference for those going through depression. Here are a few things you can do to help them find the care they need:
— Approach the topic in a nonthreatening way by pointing out how providers can help and how telehealth is often available.
— Let your loved one know it’s normal to seek help. One phrase Dalthorp recommends: “Depression is a medical condition, just like diabetes or high blood pressure. It’s OK to get help.”
— Offer to help them find a provider, schedule an appointment or go with them to an appointment.
What may backfire is giving them an ultimatum to seek help.
“Letting people know that they are important and that those around them want them to take care of themselves is more effective than ultimatums,” Starks cautions.
3. Avoid unhelpful phrases
There are some things you could say to someone who’s depressed that may be well-meaning but that backfire. Here are a few examples:
— “Other people have gone through this before or worse.” It may be true, but it also negates the feelings and experiences your loved one is going through, Starks says.
— “Things aren’t so bad” or “You just need to get over it.” These also invalidate what your loved one is feeling.
— “I went through that, and I was better after six weeks.” This takes away from what your loved one’s experience might actually be, which could have a longer timeline.
— “You’re still feeling that way?” When Lipton heard this, her immediate thought was, “Am I supposed to magically feel better?”
4. Step in if immediate help is needed
There are a few red flags that indicate your loved one may need immediate medical help for a mental health crisis. These include:
— Asking others in their life to help keep an eye on loved ones
— Giving away things
— Having psychotic symptoms like hallucinations or delusions
— Making suicidal statements
— Not communicating regularly if they have always been a good communicator
— Talking excessively about death
If someone is making suicidal statements, call 911 immediately for help.
Another free resource is the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available by dialing 988. You can call or text. The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is also available in Spanish.
5. Take care of your own health
Helping someone with depression can take a toll on your own mental or physical health.
“It’s OK to care deeply without taking on the full emotional weight of their experience. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so taking care of yourself is part of being available to others,” Dalthorp says.
Here are a few ways you can make sure you follow good self-care as a caregiver helping someone with depression:
— Try to get enough sleep. Most adults need seven to nine hours of sleep a night.
— Engage in some of your favorite hobbies.
— Exercise when you can.
— Go to therapy, and discuss how to set healthy boundaries.
— Make healthy food choices.
— Remain social with others.
— Spend time outside and in nature.
Bottom Line
Listening to your loved one and learning how to listen and ask questions mindfully is a great first step to supporting someone who is experiencing depression. Your support will help that person, even if they don’t immediately respond or let you know that you’re helping.
However, mental health professionals are trained and experienced in helping people manage their depression. Encourage that person to reach out for professional mental health help, and you may even consider supporting them through that process. Watch out for signs of a severe mental health crisis, and use helplines or 911 when needed.
Be sure to take care of yourself while helping someone with depression by exercising, enjoying hobbies, spending time with friends and getting enough sleep. You’ll be better able to help someone else if you take care of yourself as well.
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How to Help Someone With Depression originally appeared on usnews.com
