If you’ve ever left therapy and wondered “is it just me, or should I find a new therapist?” you may want to be aware of these red flags.
Some of the signs you should leave your therapist are clear. For instance, it would be inappropriate to have a romantic relationship with your therapist, and it would violate their ethical guidelines.
However, there may be interactions with your therapist that are more complicated. Therapy can be especially difficult as you work through personal trauma, past experiences and sometimes difficult techniques.
“Finding a therapist who is the right fit for you can be challenging, but it’s worth the effort,” says Amy Kaplan, a licensed clinical social worker with the virtual health platform PlushCare. “A good therapeutic relationship is the key to successful therapy, and if you ever feel that something is off or notice any red flags, trust your gut.”
[Read: What to Look for in a Therapist.]
8 Therapy Red Flags
Here are eight examples of red flags during a therapy session.
1. Misrepresenting their expertise
There are many types of therapy, and not all therapists have the same training. You may have an interest in a particular approach, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (which looks at patterns and behaviors), art therapy (using art to explore feelings) or psychoanalysis (which explores the unconscious mind).
Make sure that the therapist you work with has training in that particular type of therapy. If they don’t, they should refer you to another therapist.
“I can’t call myself an art therapist and provide that service if I just like to paint but have no training in that area,” says Mary Oborski, a licensed clinical social worker in Fairfax County, Virginia, who is part of a crisis response team that works with individuals who are grieving or have experienced trauma.
[Read: EMDR Therapy: How It Works for PTSD and Other Trauma]
2. Interrupting you or dominating the conversation
A talkative therapist isn’t necessarily a red flag, but it can become a red flag with any of the following, according to Kaplan:
— You leave the session feeling like you barely said anything although you wanted to
— The therapist interrupts or talks over you
— The therapist tells you stories that are too personal or not relevant
— The therapy session is more about them and what they want to say
“Good therapy should feel like your time,” Kaplan explains. “While a therapist might talk more or ask questions initially in certain types of structured sessions, in general you should feel that they listen more than talk.”
You should also consider if you’re making progress with your therapist and feel comfortable with them. “What one person may think is too much talking may be just right for another person,” Oborski says.
[Read: Low-Cost Therapy Options for Every Budget.]
3. Disrespecting boundaries
Flirting or starting a romantic or sexual relationship is a violation of the ethical guidelines that therapists must follow. Any attempt to engage in a relationship outside of the therapeutic relationship isn’t appropriate and is a sign to leave your therapist.
While uncommon, it’s also possible for therapists to disrespect boundaries that you’ve set. This may include:
— Using inappropriate language
— Emotional outbursts, like yelling
— Touching you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable
4. General incompetence
If a therapist is consistently late or forgets appointments, forgets key details about you and your reasons for therapy or uses unclear therapy methods, it’s a red flag, Kaplan says.
As with other professional and medical appointments, your therapist should keep their schedule. Since consistency is an important part of therapy, it can be a red flag if your therapist cancels on you frequently or doesn’t remember key details about you and your care.
5. Trying to connect with you outside of therapy
A therapist can be an important part of your life, but they aren’t supposed to be your friend or a source of support in other life roles. Any type of “dual relationship” is both a red flag and an ethical violation.
For instance, if you’re a pediatrician and seeing a therapist, it would be inappropriate for the therapist to book an appointment for their child at your office with you directly (although this may be okay in a smaller community with fewer provider options).
It also would be inappropriate for the therapist to strike up a friendship with you and get together casually outside of therapy.
“I can’t have a client as a friend. If my child’s teacher reaches out and asks if she can be my client, the answer is no. At that point, I would provide referrals to someone else in the community,” Oborski says.
6. Sharing information about other clients
Confidentiality is king when it comes to therapy. It’s a red flag if your therapist is openly sharing the identity of their clients and the issues they bring up in therapy. Conversely, it’s a red flag if a therapist is sharing that information about you with others.
Therapists also must protect their clients’ confidentiality in casual situations. “If someone is my client and by chance I run into them at the grocery store, I can’t introduce them to my friend and disclose that they are my client,” Oborski says.
Your therapist should discuss confidentiality with you during your initial session. They may ask you if it’s okay to discuss your treatment with your other doctors, like your psychiatrist. It’s important to note that if your therapist believes that you are a danger to yourself or another person, they can break that confidentiality.
7. Telling you what to do in a forceful way
It’s normal for a therapist to offer strategies for problem-solving or share their professional knowledge, says Dr. Ashwini Nadkarni, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and interim vice chair of faculty affairs in the Department of Psychiatry at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston.
A therapist may use their professional background to offer a perspective or say, “Here’s something to consider,” instead of “You should do…”, according to Kaplan.
A therapist also may advise a client that they need extra mental health support if they’re struggling with multiple issues beyond what the therapist can handle alone.
Yet that’s different from telling a client how to live their life. “If a client comes to me and is debating whether to expand their family from two to three children, I would not give my opinion,” Oborski says. “My job is to help the client explore their life choices and review what they’ve shared with me.”
8. Making you feel confused, ashamed or not heard
It’s common to feel some discomfort during therapy. In fact, this is often part of the therapeutic process as you grow.
However, if you’re feeling what you would describe as more than “discomfort,” you may need to find a new therapist. For example, Kaplan says red flags would include if your therapist is making you feel:
— Confused
— Ashamed
— Invalidated
Additionally, a therapist might not be the right fit for you if they aren’t respectful of your religious or spiritual beliefs, cultural traditions or other important aspects of your life. You don’t necessarily need a therapist who has the same belief system or cultural traditions as you, but they should respect and be understanding of your values.
What to Do If Your Therapist Has Red-Flag Behavior
If a therapist exhibits any of the behaviors that raise a red flag, there are a few things you can do:
— Discuss it with the therapist.
— Change therapists.
— Report them to your state licensing board.
Discuss it with the therapist.
Don’t be shy about discussing something that concerns you, even if it feels minor. “A competent therapist will be open to feedback and willing to adjust, not be defensive or dismissive,” Kaplan says. If they aren’t, then it’s OK to find another therapist.
“The ability to be open and honest and experience psychological safety in bringing up concerns about the progression of therapy is evidence of the therapeutic support. Patients should bring up any and all questions and concerns they have with their therapist,” Nadkarni says.
Change therapists.
It might be time to change therapists if you:
— Don’t trust your therapist
— Aren’t making progress toward your goals
— Aren’t connecting with your therapist
However, it’s also okay to change therapists at any point if you don’t feel that there’s a good fit.
Report them to your state licensing board.
Therapists are licensed within their state according to their specific license, such as licensed clinical social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist. Under their licensing board, therapists need to follow specific ethical standards of care. If something that a therapist did violates those standards, you can report them to the state licensing board.
You also can report what has happened to any professional association of they are a member, such as the American Psychological Association or the National Association of Social Workers.
Keep detailed documentation of what happened. “Reporting a therapist for egregious behavior helps protect yourself and others,” Kaplan says.
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Therapy Red Flags: 8 Reasons to Leave Your Therapist originally appeared on usnews.com
