If you have a loved one in a nursing home, you know how important it is to be there for them — literally and figuratively — to demonstrate care.
A visit may seem like an obvious way to show support, but don’t underestimate the value it can have for your loved one. Depending on the size of their family and social circle, you could be their main lifeline to the outside world. Taking a trip to the nursing home can help your loved one feel seen and cherished during their stay. It may also help them fight off feelings of loneliness that can arise in nursing home environments.
Dr. Brian D. Madden, a primary care physician and medical director of palliative care at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California, says he all too often sees patients waiting around in nursing homes with “nobody coming to visit.”
Here’s how you can make the most of your nursing home visit.
[Read: 24 Gift Ideas for Nursing Home Residents.]
Prepare for a Nursing Home Visit
Before you visit your loved one at their nursing home, familiarize yourself with any relevant details, rules or restrictions. Some basics to consider include:
— Directions. How are you getting there, and how long will it take? If your loved one is a planner, update them on your estimated arrival time.
— Visitation hours. Can you stop by at any time, or should you plan your trip during a specific window?
— Your loved one’s schedule. Is your loved one scheduled for any upcoming doctor’s appointments, procedures or outings? Make sure to visit them when they can see you.
— Any restrictions in place. While most places are not in a COVID-19 lockdown anymore, there is always a chance that there could be a disease outbreak on one of the facility’s floors. If sicknesses are spreading, consider wearing masks, spending time outdoors or talking to your loved one’s doctor to gather more information about their health situation.
You’ll also want to think about what types of items may or may not be allowed in their facility. That way, you can make sure you aren’t dropping off anything that is contraband or potentially dangerous to your loved one’s recovery — as well as spare them the disappointment of having a gift taken away.
[Read: How to Know Your Loved One Is Getting the Senior Care They’re Paying For]
Make the Most of a Nursing Home Visit
At a nursing home visit, you have the opportunity to spend quality time with your loved one, offer them hugs, bring them gifts and engage in conversations. You may also be able to offer them an escape from their day-to-day routines by going for an outdoor excursion, such as walking with them around the premises or sitting with them in a courtyard.
“A great thing to do is, if possible, take the resident for a walk in their wheelchair or take them to sit outside,” says Lori Schoener, administrator of skilled nursing at Brethren Village, a retirement community and nursing home in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. “A lot of residents really enjoy sitting outside and might have a hard time getting there on their own, or they might not be safe to go on their own.”
You can spend quality time indoors too, whether by spending time together in their room or branching out and taking part in their world by attending an activity, like an on-campus concert.
“We welcome families to attend activities with their loved one,” Schoener says.
In addition, during your visit, take note of your loved one’s health. Observation can give you some idea of your loved one’s physical condition — for instance, if their clothes are clean, if their hair is brushed or if they’ve lost weight.
[READ: How to Pay for a Nursing Home With No Money.]
What Gifts to Bring to a Nursing Home Visit
A nursing home visit is a great opportunity to bring your loved one a gift. There are various gifts you can bring to your visit — and the best gift will vary from person to person.
Just as you would for someone not in a nursing home, think about the person’s likes and dislikes before selecting their gift. What might they appreciate? You may also consider if they are lacking anything in their living environment. What might they need?
Some examples of gifts to bring to a nursing home visit include:
— Food
— Blankets and pillows
— Ear plugs or eye masks
— Plants
— Old photographs
— Clothes and scarves
— People
Food
“If there’s one universal complaint (about hospitals or nursing homes), it’s the food,” Madden says. He encourages people to bring in a loved one’s favorite dish or home cooked meal — so long as it is allowed in the facility and doesn’t go against the person’s dietary restrictions — as a way to show care.
At Brethren Village, Schoener says that the staff will label and date any leftover food items and store them in the fridge for however long is safe for those items.
Blankets and pillows
Whether you are bringing an owned-and-loved blanket or a brand new pillow, bedding items may help your loved one feel more at home in the nursing home environment.
Ear plugs or eye masks
Depending on the facility’s set-up, your loved one may share a room with another resident or sleep near a bright and noisy hallway. If this is the case, Madden suggests offering gifts like earplugs and eye masks that may help them block out the commotion and get some rest.
“Stuff like that helps prevent their environment from working against them while they’re trying to recover,” Madden says.
Plants
House plants can freshen up a nursing home room.
Old photographs
Bringing in old photographs can give you and your loved one an opportunity to reminisce about the past.
“If you have old pictures, bring them in!” Schoener says. “Ask them about what’s going on in the picture; what happened at that time in their life.”
Talking about photographs can also be a helpful way of avoiding harder conversations, like talking about the present, Schoener adds. Depending on your loved one’s cognition, they could struggle to recall more recent events and become frustrated by direct questions about their current life — such as, “What did you have for lunch yesterday?” she explains.
Because short-term memory tends to deteriorate before longer-term memory, talking about events that happened years ago can make for a more amicable chat.
Clothes and scarves
Just because your loved one is in a nursing home doesn’t mean they don’t take pride in their appearance. Schoener says that many of the women at Brethren Village enjoy making themselves look beautiful, and appreciate gifts like clothes and scarves.
People
Your presence is a present — really. In addition to bringing yourself, Schoener encourages bringing other family members and children — if you have them — to the visit.
“One of the things I know most residents really like is when small children from their family come and visit,” Schoener says. “Never hesitate to bring in small children.”
What to Talk About During Nursing Home Visit
When visiting your loved one in their nursing home, you have the opportunity to talk with them face to face — as opposed to virtually or on the phone. Studies show that face-to-face communication can have health benefits, so it’s good to take advantage of this when you can.
Still, figuring out exactly how to take advantage of this — or, put differently, thinking about what to talk about — may be challenging. Some people struggle to come up with conversation ideas that will keep their loved one engaged without making them frustrated or sad.
If you’re unsure what to talk about on your visit, here are some ideas:
Discuss old memories.
Talking about the good old days can be a way to raise your loved one’s spirits and help the two of you connect. Bringing in old photos or meaningful gifts may help you prompt conversations.
Ask how they are feeling.
Consider asking a loved one how they are feeling during your visit. Some residents may want to discuss how they are feeling emotionally, whereas others might want to discuss physical sensations. Or, they may not want to talk about either.
“That’s pretty dependent on the person,” Madden says. However, he encourages visitors not to assume hard topics — like those surrounding their loved one’s health — are off limits. Madden works in palliative care, where he says, “we try not to have anything that we don’t talk about.”
For any of these conversations, he suggests posing questions in a “nice, non-threatening way.”
Point to forward-thinking goals.
Some nursing home residents may benefit from talking about their health goals and the steps they want to take to “get out” of the nursing home — if that is an option for them, Madden says. If your loved displays an eagerness to leave the nursing home, and if their doctors have said that is a possibility, you may want to talk to them about steps they can take toward discharge.
If you want to go down this conversation route, Madden suggests talking to your loved one about what makes them unhappy about their current situation and what the two of you can do to support the goal of “getting out.”
Maybe that means being diligent about their rest, medications or nutrition. Maybe it means reframing expectations. If your loved one is open to them, these are conversation topics you can talk about.
What Not to Bring to a Nursing Home Visit
For the most part, gift-giving is encouraged at nursing homes. However, some items are better left at home.
Items that produce heat or that come with an electrical plug-in are not allowed in many skilled nursing facilities for fire safety reasons, Schoener explains. Personal care or assisted living facilities tend to have more relaxed rules, but this can vary. If you’re not sure if your gift makes the cut, look up the rules of your loved one’s facility online or call the front desk for more information.
Some examples of gifts that you are better off avoiding if your loved one is in skilled care, include:
— Electric blankets
— Heating pads
— Coffee makers, including Keurig machines
— Air freshener plug-ins
[READ: How to Stay Connected to Your Loved One in a Nursing Home.]
How Often to Visit Parents in a Nursing Home?
After visiting a loved one in a nursing home, make a plan for when you’ll see them again. While the frequency of your visits may vary based on your work and life schedule — and what type of bandwidth you have — Madden encourages you to go as often as possible. Multiple times a week to even every day is best, he adds.
“It is important to try to keep them from feeling isolated,” Madden says. “I would treat this almost like somebody hospitalized — you really want to know what’s going on if not every day, every other.”
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Make the Most of a Nursing Home Visit originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 12/02/24: This story was previously published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
