If you feel pressure to contribute money you don’t have for a combined gift, you’re not alone. While going in on a present can be a great way to lavish a loved one with something special, it’s not always financially feasible.
This is especially true when inflation is forcing consumers to scale back. A 2024 Wells Fargo study found that 67% of Americans have decreased spending because of economic conditions, so such extras just aren’t in a lot of peoples’ budgets.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t celebrate a co-worker’s birthday with a dinner where everyone chips in. Or, maybe you want to gather funds from friends and relatives to send your parents on an anniversary cruise.
Somtimes, however, asking for money for a group gift can put those who are less flush in an uncomfortable position. And if you’re the one pinching pennies, you’ll be faced with a decision.
To make it easy, here’s our guide to group gifting.
Avoid Offering a Sliding Scale
When arranging a group gift, you may wonder if you should offer a sliding scale for younger people or those in a less advantageous financial position.
“Offering a lower tier for entry can be uncomfortable and clumsy for the organizer,” says etiquette expert Thomas Farley, aka Mister Manners.
You may not know what the person can afford, so you’re working on assumptions. Even if the person is low on cash, they may want to spend the same amount as everyone else, so a sliding scale can be perceived as insulting.
“A nicer way to go about it is to come to a consensus on a budget before you actually purchase the gift, making sure it’s affordable and appropriate for everyone,” Farley says.
[Related:Money Manners: How to Say No to Pricey Social Events]
Consider a Group Card for Colleagues
The workplace is rife with decorum issues. According to Elaine Swann, a business etiquette expert from Carlsbad, California, participating in group gifts can help fuel camaraderie in the office, but it shouldn’t be compulsory.
As a general rule, peer-to-peer gifting is acceptable, but going up the supervisory reporting chart is not.
Whether you want to arrange a luncheon for a co-worker who won an award or purchase a high-end stroller for someone going on maternity leave, distribute invitations separately, in a simple email. Explain what the gift is and that you will accept donations to cover the cost. Be explicit that everyone is free to accept or reject participation.
“You don’t want anyone to feel pressured,” Swann says, explaining that a safer gift might be a card that everyone can sign. “That levels the playing field,” she says. “Everyone from managers to brand new employees can offer their well wishes.”
Don’t Over- or Under-Contribute as a Couple
You may be asked to give a fixed sum for a group gift, but what does that look like if you’re part of a couple? If the amount requested is $50, should that amount be good for you both or should you pony up $100 for the two of you?
That depends on your relationship with the person being celebrated.
“If you’re being looped in because you’re a partner or spouse, but are not a friend of the person, give as a single individual,” Farley says. “But if you’re both friends with the person, being a couple should not negate your responsibility as individuals.”
Respect Your Financial Limitations
So, what should you do when you can’t afford your portion of the group gift?
“This is always tricky to navigate because talking about our finances, especially our financial worries, is often difficult,” says Michael Liersch, head of advice and planning at Wells Fargo.
“However, it’s also important to understand if the portion is above what you think you should spend or what you’re comfortable spending compared to what you can spend within budget,” he adds.
To prevent tough conversations later, Liersch says to review your bank accounts and determine how much you can afford to contribute. Then you can make the decision to participate in the group gift or not.
[Related:Money Manners: How to Say No to Pricey Social Events]
Request Reimbursement Privately
If you’re the person organizing the group gift, be careful when covering the cost and expecting others to pay you later.
Yes, you can come out ahead with extra rewards if your card provides cash back or points, but their value will erode fast if members of your party who were supposed to pay their share don’t. If you can’t pay the bill in full and have to revolve the balance, you’ll have to pay interest, which may increase your aggravation.
The simplest, most polite way to solve this problem is to send a request for that amount with a payment app like Venmo so you can collect the funds immediately.
And if they fail to pay? Even if you’re upset, Liersch says not to embarrass them by bringing it up in public.
Approximately two-thirds of Americans are reluctant to talk about money, according to Wells Fargo survey data, so be kind. “Knowing this, I recommend asking them in a private setting. One-on-one instead of in front of everyone can make them feel more comfortable,” Liersch says.
[READ: How to Ask For Money You’re Owed From Friends and Family]
Offer Financial Assistance Gracefully
If you’re in a healthy financial position, you may want to help someone who’s having trouble making ends meet. Offering to pay all or some of the cost of a group gift can be generous.
For example, your sister may be arranging a surprise trip for her daughter’s 21st birthday, achievable if each of the 10 family members kicks in $200. Although you may feel awkward, explain to a struggling relative that you’re happy to help with their portion. That person will still have the opportunity to participate in the celebration.
Liersch recommends saying something like, “You can get me back on the next one,” which implies a repayment in the future but doesn’t put any immediate pressure on the other person.
“Additionally, it’s important not to over-give or over-receive in relationships,” he says. “Making sure you set healthy boundaries even if you have more money than others to help can keep relationships in balance.”
With Good Manners, Group Gifting Makes Sense
“Group gifts are a wonderful solution, particularly in inflationary times,” Farley says. Approach the process delicately, so no one feels pressure to give more than they should or feels isolated because they can’t join in.
Always remember that opting out is an option that you have every right to exercise.
“Sometimes just saying that you’re on a strict budget this month and need to be extra mindful of what you can spend can help prevent those (people) from feeling offended,” Liersch says. And if they take your explanation poorly? Well, that’s just bad manners.
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Get the Lowdown on Group Gifting Etiquette originally appeared on usnews.com
