October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. People tend to associate domestic violence with physical abuse, but financial abuse can also be devastating.
One study from the Center for Financial Security showed that 99% of domestic violence survivors had also experienced financial abuse in the relationship.
Financial abuse, also called economic abuse or financial exploitation, differs from financial infidelity. Financial infidelity involves actions such as hiding a credit card account or purchasing an expensive item without discussing it with a partner. These actions do break trust, but couples can often work through it.
But financial abuse goes far beyond lying about income or hiding credit card accounts.
[Read: Best Credit Cards for Bad Credit.]
Financial Abuse Definition
Financial abuse is when one partner limits or prevents the other partner from accessing financial resources. The abuser then wields money like a weapon, such as limiting spending, ruining your credit or forbidding you to get a job.
Signs of Financial Abuse
A financial abuser’s goal is to take control of the relationship. This type of abuse can make you feel like you couldn’t support yourself (or your kids) if you left. Basically, the victim feels powerless and unable to escape from the situation.
There are some signs to help you decide if you’re in a financially abusive relationship or marriage.
— Refuses to share financial information: Economic abusers often take control of the family finances and take actions without your consent, such as opening new accounts or making major purchases without your knowledge.
— Gets angry when you ask questions: The abuser is quick to anger when you ask about the family finances. This is an intimidation tactic to keep the victim unaware of the couple’s financial status.
— Limits your spending: It’s not unusual for an abuser to put the victim on an allowance. In extreme cases, the amount of the allowance decreases to the point where the victim is unable to meet basic needs, such as obtaining medical care and food.
— Sabotages your career: The abuser discourages the victim from obtaining employment. If the victim is employed, the abuser might show up at the workplace and harass the victim or berate them before an important meeting so they don’t do well. If the abuser is successful, the victim leaves the job and becomes financially dependent on the abuser.
— Ruins your credit: The abuser takes steps to destroy your good credit by making late payments — or not paying at all — on accounts in your name. Or the perpetrator commits identity theft by opening an account in your name solely to destroy your credit.
— Forces a power-of-attorney agreement: This enables the abuser to sign legal documents in your name. When this happens, you can’t stop the abuser from stealing your money or property.
Financial abuse can occur in any relationship, not just in marriage. Sometimes, family members are guilty of stealing or misusing the funds of aging relatives. Unfortunately, this also happens with paid caregivers.
[Read: Best Secured Credit Cards.]
Elder Financial Abuse
I decided to highlight elder abuse because it’s such a rampant problem. According to the National Council On Aging, older Americans may lose up to $36.5 billion annually through financial abuse.
This type of abuse involves misusing funds, such as stealing or withholding money from accounts. The perpetrator could be a family member, spouse, caregiver or anyone else who has access to the victim’s accounts.
Here are elder financial abuse signs to watch for:
— Unpaid bills.
— Unusual changes in spending patterns.
— Fraudulent signatures on financial documents.
— Statements from the victim about money being stolen.
— Missing checkbook, credit cards and/or debit cards.
— Misuse of power-of-attorney agreements.
If you suspect your loved one is being financially abused, there are steps you can take to protect the victim. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has instructions for documenting the abuse and how to file a report to authorities.
How to Escape a Financially Abusive Relationship
Financial abuse chips away at a person’s self-esteem and dignity, which makes it more difficult to escape. Depending on your situation, you may have to be willing to walk away without any financial resources. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get help or learn how to leave an abusive environment.
Focus on Financial Literacy
This might seem trivial compared with what you’ve been going through, but increasing your knowledge about money is going to help you repair the damage when you leave home.
One of the reasons so many people stay in a financially abusive relationship is that they see no way to support themselves. Learning how credit works, in particular, can help you plan your escape.
Check Your Credit Report
You might find out that your credit has been destroyed. As upsetting as that would be, you need to know the status of your credit health. Read your credit report line by line and you’ll get a picture of what’s happened.
You can get your free annual credit reports at AnnualCreditReport.com. You might find new accounts — credit cards or personal loans — opened in your name that have gone to collections for lack of payment. Right now, just focus on what’s been done so you’ll be realistic about how to leave the situation. You can always improve your credit once you get into a safe place.
If your credit is so bad you can’t rent an apartment or you just can’t afford rent, you might need to begin by staying at a shelter.
[READ: Best Credit Cards for Beginners]
Find a Safe Place to Stay
Many victims are often cut off from a supportive network. So family and friends might not be offering a safe haven for you right away. Still, you have options.
Go to DomesticShelters.org to find places to stay in your area. All you have to do is type in your city or ZIP code to see a list. Also, check out the Office on Women’s Health for advice on how to leave an abusive relationship, including a safety packing list.
Reach Out for Help
Talking to a therapist would help. But with limited (or zero) funds, that might be difficult. One place to reach out for help is the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. But I know picking up the phone can be hard. You can also go to thehotline.org to get more information about how to leave an abuser.
Be ready to discuss the details of your situation so the advocate you speak with will know how best to help you.
Clear Your Browser History
Note that the Hotline suggests clearing your browser history when you leave the website. It’s not unusual for financial abusers to view your browser history to see what you’ve searching.
On some sites, you’ll even see a link to leave safely. I tested this, and it does indeed show up in browser history as a “closed link” and gives no details. It’s important to leave a financial abuser, but it’s more important that you leave safely, so you can start a new life free from abuse.
More from U.S. News
How to Eliminate Credit Card Debt
Your Guide to the Big 3 Credit Bureaus
What Is Financial Abuse? originally appeared on usnews.com
