More than ever before, blind and low vision children are included in their neighborhood public schools. Although this is largely a positive thing, many blind youth are now growing up with no connections to other blind kids or successful blind adults. If none of the adults in your life look or function like you do, it can be difficult to envision what adulthood and parenthood might look like for you. Furthermore, many blind kids and young adults receive negative messages from family and friends about their ability to be parents. This can leave many people who are blind wondering if parenting is realistic or even possible.
The good news is that every survey and poll that has been taken of the blind community indicates that blind people marry and have children at rates only slightly lower than the general population. Just as with most sighted people, the majority of blind people will eventually have children.
There are blind parents who are married to other blind people, married to sighted people, single, divorced, foster parents, adoptive parents, and blind parents with additional disabilities. Regardless of what any misinformed person in your life is telling you, if you are a blind person who wants to have children one day, your vision loss should not be the thing that stops you.
[Read: Myths About Blind Parents.]
With that said, there are some things that people who are blind or have low vision will want to consider before taking the big leap into parenthood. Here are just a few:
Consider your mobility skills. Take the time before you have kids to make sure that your orientation and mobility (O&M) skills are as good as they can possibly be. You will now be responsible for not only getting yourself where you need to go, but getting your children there safely as well. This will likely involve wearing your child in an infant carrier or pulling them behind you in a stroller, while you use your cane or guide dog.
This also involves monitoring your kids on buses, subways and other public transportation. Make sure that you aren’t confined to route travel, but that you are also able to navigate confidently in unfamiliar places and problem-solve in new environments.
Hone your home management skills. You will no longer be cooking only for yourself. Ensure that you know how to prepare a variety of balanced meals that will fit your budget. You’ll also need to clean up after a messy infant or toddler, clean your home to avoid sanitary and choking hazards, and your kid will definitely poop in the bath tub at least five times, so get good at cleaning that!
Especially during the infant and potty training stages, you’ll be doing loads of laundry, possibly every day — not to mention cleaning your upholstery. There is no reason why a blind or low vision parent can’t do any of these things. Just make sure that your daily living skills are top-notch.
You can find blindness service providers, including orientation and mobility instructors and daily living skills instructors, in your area on the American Foundation for the Blind’s website. If you are new to vision loss or you never received adequate O&M and daily living skills training as a child, I recommend considering getting comprehensive training in O&M, home management, Braille and adaptive technology at a center certified by the National Blindness Professional Certification Board.
You’ll need to hone problem-solving and advocacy skills as well. At your first prenatal appointment, your doctor will likely hand you a huge folder of print information about what to expect during your pregnancy. You need to have advocacy skills to talk with your OB-GYN about getting information in an alternate format, such as in Braille or large print, or electronically.
Unless your child is also blind, their homework and school books will all be in print. The members of the school PTA may initially make you feel unwelcome. You’ll need to talk with your child’s teacher about effective ways to send home information and notes. You’ll need to cultivate the grit, resilience and people skills to endure unwelcoming people when you volunteer at your kid’s school. And you’ll need to know what laws, policies and regulations protect you and your child and that require various entities to provide you as a parent with reasonable accommodations.
[See: How 9 Women Knew They Were Pregnant Without a Test.]
It will be hard. Under any circumstance, having a child is more expensive, inconvenient and exhausting than not having one. Being a blind parent only makes it more so.
If certain people don’t treat you as a first-class adult now, having kids will almost never do anything to change that. People with negative attitudes about blindness will just assume that your kids take care of you, or that your kids have very limited lives. There are many wonderful reasons to have kids; but making a huge, expensive, labor-intensive life choice solely to prove something to other people is almost never wise.
Connect with other blind parents. Perhaps you’re having trouble thinking about how you would administer baby Tylenol to your infant or wondering how you would take a baby on the city bus each day. Maybe your Great Aunt Gertrude told you at Christmas that she thinks it would be irresponsible or unsafe for you to think about having kids, and it’s got you upset or doubting yourself.
There is an active community of blind parents who would be happy to share techniques that have worked for them and commiserate with you about the negative attitudes and misconceptions they have encountered. The Blind Parents Group of the National Federation of the Blind holds an annual meeting and runs an email Listserv for blind parents. They are also active on the Facebook group Blind Parents Connect, which is open to all blind or low vision parents and prospective parents, and their allies.
Ignore unwanted advice. As important as it is to connect with other parents — and other blind parents in particular — remember that just because someone is further along in their parenting journey than you are does not make them a good mentor or an infallible source of advice. When someone is giving you parenting advice, ask yourself the following questions: Do I admire this person? Would I want this person’s life? Is this person happy? Do I want my children to turn out similar to theirs? Do I agree with this person on other important issues?
Seek advice and mentorship from parents who are happy, who have children you admire, who have a life you would want to emulate, and who share your values, goals and definition of success.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
As is the case for anyone considering parenthood, your decision to have children needs to take many factors into consideration. But, if you do want to join our sleep-deprived ranks, your blindness is not the thing that will stop you from being a happy, successful, engaged parent.
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What to Consider If You’re Blind and Want to Have Kids originally appeared on usnews.com
