It’s cold outside, and that means a lot of us are taking shelter indoors for the winter months. Aside from finding ways to keep ourselves from going stir crazy, how do we keep our technology habits and screen time from escalating during the colder months?
As families, we want to teach a few big picture values and create a sense of togetherness and community, and that takes focus, time and real-life connection.
We don’t want our kids on their devices too often because that gets in the way of true connection. The same goes for us, too, as parents and individuals. Technology can often distract us from loved ones and drive a wedge between us as human beings. It shelters us from any feelings of awkwardness and discomfort, so it doesn’t allow for organic opportunities to learn about the world through real-life situations — as messy, funny or scary as they sometimes are.
[Read: How Your Family Can Take Back Winter.]
To overcome the challenges and temptation to lean too heavily on technology during the winter, here are a few smartphone-free ideas to keep you and yours busy and bonding during those chilly days:
1. Create a family mission statement.
This is a great way to have conversations about what you believe in as a family. Talk about what really matters to you, as parents and kids, to form your family mission statement.
Sit down as a family together and ask your kids what they think is most important when it comes to creating a happy, healthy, successful home, individual and community. Talk about what your family values or traditions are. Ask your kids about the qualities they see in other people that they appreciate. What words do they think best describe your family? What actions make them feel good? This could include things like sharing how you feel, peacefully resolving conflicts, being kind or working hard.
Once you’ve consolidated the things everybody thinks are important, write them down. Once you’ve finalized your most important ideas, consider creating something fun with your family mission statement. Make it yourselves or browse Etsy and order something inspirational to hang in your home. When life gets busy and your kids can’t take one more “life lesson” from you, just point to the family mission statement to back you up and explain your intentions.
2. Start a family forum.
You can meet weekly, biweekly or even monthly if you’re busy, but put it on your calendar so you’ll be sure to make time for it.
Once a week, my family and I sit down and talk about the week ahead. We also discuss any issues, questions or things that happen to be on our minds. To remember what you and your kids want to discuss, write down your thoughts and questions in a communal “family forum journal” that you leave around the house. This might include stuff like, “Discuss getting a Snapchat account” or “Discuss getting my ears pierced.”
Each family can craft their own family forum, but generally it should contain most of these elements:
— Compliments: Go around and have each family member individually compliment the others in attendance. The recipient must say “thank you.” This helps our kids practice saying thank you after receiving praise or a compliment and gets our girls (in particular) out of the habit of discounting the praise they receive.
— Articles of interest: At least one family member should bring an article or story that they found interesting that week to share with the group.
— Family stories: Have a parent share a story from his or her childhood. I got this idea when my husband and I noticed that our kids asked tons of questions whenever we told a story from our past. Family storytelling helps children build self-esteem and feel more connected to the important people in their lives.
— Trivia questions: This is a fun and easy way to teach your kids things you want them to know, big and small. Which president freed the slaves? What does a paleontologist do? How many continents are there? You can even give away small prizes, pennies or points as part of this “contest.”
— Questions, issues and answers: Address whatever questions are in the family forum journal and discuss other things that might be on people’s minds. Know that you don’t have to answer every question or request your children might have right at that moment. You may want to do some research or have some time to think about your response first! A simple acknowledgment like, “Let’s think about that and discuss it at next week’s meeting” is fine.
— An ending ritual: Each week, your family forum should end the same way. We like to end ours with a cheer where we all put our hands into the center and shout, “Go team!” as we lift our hands up in unison.
[Read: 6 New Rules for Praising to Raise Kind, Successful Kids.]
3. Leave “positive posts.”
Show your family how it feels to be noticed for the small stuff they do. You can do it indoors and without your devices, so this is great for wintertime when you know everyone will be home often.
These positive posts should be short and sweet messages about your children’s character or something special they’ve done. The note itself is meant to encourage and acknowledge characteristics you see in them that reflect how amazing they are as human beings. Don’t just include things that they’re achieving or doing to please. You can use a sticky note or a colorful scrap of paper or design your own positive post. Just about anything will suffice.
There are three rules:
— Your post must be hidden. Let your recipient find your message somewhere fun. A jacket pocket, in an underwear drawer, next to the toothpaste or my favorite: wrap the note in clear cellophane and tape it onto their shampoo bottle.
— Don’t sign your post. The idea is for your kids to just know it’s from you. That way, they’ll know you’re always watching and cheering them on.
— You can’t ask about it. Don’t ask the recipient if they got your post. If they bring it up, fabulous, you can smile. But it’s far more fun if these posts have an unspoken element to them. They’ll become a secret that you two share and help your child build confidence.
Your thoughts and energy create your reality — whether they be positive or negative.
Kids can feel our fears, doubts and prejudices. They hear us worrying about money, doubting good things will happen or getting scared that we may lose our jobs. They pick up on our negative emotions like sponges. That’s why we need to pay close attention to the energy we give off.
[See: 10 Ways to Raise a Giving Child.]
Teach your kids to direct their thoughts, beliefs and expectations in a positive direction so they can manifest the things they really want. Here are some easy ways you can bring gratitude and the power of positivity into your family life:
— Teach your children to set intentions. They can be big or small, but have them bring awareness to what they’re doing. Intentions give us a chance to pause, reflect and be an active participant in our own experience. In the morning, help your child choose how he wants to feel throughout his day — joyful, at ease, happy? Talk about the day ahead and discuss and visualize possible things that may come up to derail your child from feeling joy, happiness or ease. Ask him to picture how he’ll handling these situations.
— Play the appreciation game. At mealtime, bedtime or even while driving to school, ask your child to think of one or two things she is grateful for. Teach her that gratitude is correlated with happiness and that as she expresses gratitude, more things will show up in her life for which she can feel grateful.
— Create a vision board or wish box. Have your kids cut out images of what they want and paste them onto a vision board — a puppy, a pair of sunglasses, a spot on the soccer team, a vacation to Mexico, anything! Or you can create a wish box by placing those images in a box. Your box or board might contain details about things you want to do together or stuff you want as a family, like a new car. Put the board or box in a place where everyone can see it, and talk frequently about how much fun you’ll have. It’s a great family activity that connects everyone’s dreams and wishes together.
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4 Ways to Connect and Grow as a Family This Winter originally appeared on usnews.com
