For Mike Zaino, asking his 17- and 21-year-old daughters to pay for certain expenses is a no-brainer.
“It enables them to have some skin in the game,” says Zaino, whose daughters both work at a French bistro and live at home.
But Zaino, who works as a financial advisor and is president of TZG Financial in Charlotte, North Carolina, draws the line at asking his daughters to cover basic household expenses, such as rent, utility bills or staple groceries. Instead, they use their earnings to pay for “wants” — clothes that go beyond a budget limit, for example, and restaurant dinners with friends.
“I understand that certain people are going to have circumstances beyond their control [where they need help paying for necessities],” Zaino says. “But even if that were the case, I would not ask my children for stuff I should be providing.”
Other experts generally agree with Zaino’s approach to household budgeting. While asking Junior to use his part-time or summer earnings to pitch in on shared family expenses may sound like a reasonable option for cash-strapped parents, experts recommend thinking twice before requesting that your child cover household necessities.
“As parents, we are supposed to provide for them,” says Emily G. Stroud, financial planner and mother of two in Fort Worth, Texas. “It’s about creating a sense of stability at home.”
Of course, for families living from paycheck to paycheck, asking children to pitch in on household basics may not be optional. But for those who have the choice, experts recommend considering other options before asking your children to fund family bills.
If you’re thinking of requesting that your kid help pay for shared family expenses, consider these approaches.
[See: Dear Younger Me: 12 Financial Truths We Wish We Knew Earlier.]
Brainstorm other ways to boost your budget. For families who have some budgetary wiggle room, it makes sense to explore other cost-saving options before asking the children for help.
Examine whether there are ways, as a parent, to boost your budget without leaning on your kids. “Unless this is a dire situation where it really is a situation where there’s absolutely no way the parent could cover the expenses, they have to look in the mirror themselves and say, ‘How are we spending our money?'” Stroud says.
Parents should also explore how they can reduce discretionary spending, trim monthly expenses or boost income — for example, with a side hustle. There may be resources available to them such as the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, or SNAP, that could help stretch their budget further. Explore these options before looking to your kids for budget-sustaining assistance.
If your family is routinely caving in to your kids’ requests for brand-name clothes or expensive extracurricular activities, it’s wise to scale back on those expenses, too. “It’s better to ask them to not take dance lessons this semester than to pay the electricity bill,” Stroud says. For example, your kid can opt to cover dance camp costs or choose not to upgrade her soccer cleats this year.
Ask your kids to cover “wants,” not “needs.” A way to stretch your paycheck without relying on your kids for assistance is to ask them to use their part-time or summer earnings to cover their own discretionary expenses. If they need gas money, date money or an expensive new pair of hockey skates, ask that those costs come out of their own paycheck.
Encouraging your children to identify their wants, then making a plan to cover those expenses, can teach them basic money lessons. “Children feel more empowered, more included and will start being able to connect money and value,” says Jennifer Dempsey Fox, certified financial planner and president of Bryn Mawr Trust Wealth Management.
[Read: How to Prevent Your Kids From Becoming Rich Jerks.]
If you’re dealing with a boomerang kid, it’s OK to share household bills. When an adult child returns home, it’s OK to recalibrate your approach to asking for help with family expenses. “A boomerang kid is a totally different scenario than a 14-year-old or 15-year-old, who is technically a minor and living at home,” Stroud says.
Asking your adult child to pitch in on household basics will not only teach your boomerang kid a sense of financial responsibility, it will help you prioritize your retirement and other savings goals.
It’s important to have an early conversation about expectations of what your adult child will cover when it comes to rent, food, monthly bills and other expenses, Fox says.
[Read: How to Kick Your Adult Child Out of the House.]
Of course, experts note, some families don’t have a choice when it comes to relying on their kids for financial help. Parents who are out of work, retired or earn low wages may need help from their child’s part-time job, even if their kid is still a minor. “It’s a tough place to be, but sometimes you have limited options,” Fox says.
If you’re in this situation, and asking your kids for help is more responsible than, say, running up credit card debt or losing your housing, then frame the request in a way that is positive and emphasizes the family coming together to help each other. “It comes down to communication and tone,” Fox says. “Every family needs to approach finances in a way that works for their family and lets their family be successful.”
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Should Your Child Pay for Shared Household Expenses? originally appeared on usnews.com
