I hear frequently from parents who are trying to toilet train that the child is having some success. Namely, parents will say the child has learned how to pee on the potty, and has no wet accidents. But parents often tell me, the child won’t poop on the potty. “He will hold his poop until we put a diaper on him, then he goes,” I’m often told. “If he is not fully toilet trained soon, he can’t go to preschool this fall. What do I do?”
First things first, I know you see a ton of happily undie-wearing toddlers on Facebook who are getting kudos for completing potty training over a weekend. It may feel like every 3-year-old in the entire universe is toileting independently except yours. The reality is, however, the skill of micturition (peeing) and defecation (pooping) require different neural pathways and unique muscular systems that can mature at different times. I assure you that many, many children pee on the potty but poop in a diaper. You are not alone.
[Read: A Better Way to Respond to Your Toddler’s Tantrums.]
Here are some things to consider if your toddler will pee but won’t poop on the potty:
1. The poop.
The vast majority of kids who won’t poop on the potty have a history of a poop that hurt. Before you deny such an experience for your child, remember that poop pain is personal. What may look like a typical experience to you could be perceived as painful to someone else.
Painful constipation is tricky. Even kids who poop every day can still get constipated. Yes, you read that correctly. Outside of diet and hydration, part of the reason constipation is common in kids is because children are great at not finishing stuff. From picking up toys to picking at their dinner plates, kids often do the bare minimum necessary for survival and then run off to play. Pooping is no exception.
Busy kids will only stop for a moment to let a bit of poop out, but not fully evacuate their bowels. Over time, bit by bit, poop backs up. Once poop backs up, it is increasingly harder for their body to give them an accurate signal that they need to go. So when they finally get the signal to stop and poop, the process really can hurt. If they happen to be on the potty at that moment, they’ll see the pain as being the potty chair’s fault. Result: No more pooping on the potty.
If your kiddo is refusing to go on the toilet, you have to ensure they have high confidence that the poop is not going to hurt. To do this, you must help them obtain reliably “soft serve ice cream” consistency poop for weeks before trying to poop on the potty again. You can safely use polyethylene glycol- or PEG-based stool softeners, over-the-counter products for constipation that contain the herb senna, and other similar products to help soften the stool. Talk to your child’s doctor to see what they recommend, remember to be consistent, and consider the child’s position when they’re pooping as well.
[Read: What to Do When Your Toddler Bites.]
2. The position.
Successful defecation requires moving a mass of stuff through a small hole. This requires a complicated sequence of nerves and muscles to coordinate the action. Scientists have studied the mechanics of pooping through observation and radiographic imaging. Google “defecography” for details, and be thankful you are not a radiologist. Studies have shown that there is a specific body position for optimal release. This positioning is called hip flexion. Think: knees slightly above the hips.
An easy way to achieve hip flexion position in kids ( and adults!) is to offer a small step stool. The step stool should be tall enough so they can place their feet flat on the step and get their knees above their hips. Alternatively, and a quick fix when you are in public restrooms, let your child sit on the toilet backward. That way, they can get more of the seat under their thighs to remove the feeling of “falling in” and allow for more relaxation. Combine proper positioning with soft poop; and now you just need some confidence — which comes with practicing the process of going on the potty.
3. The process.
Break the process of pooping on the potty to mini steps that are more achievable and worth praise and rewards. Here’s the trick: Use their “comfort place” to your advantage; use the diaper as a tool.
First, keep your child in their underwear during the day. Allow them to ask you for a diaper when they need to poop. When your child asks for a diaper, go to the bathroom and put the diaper on the child, no questions asked . Leave the bathroom and let her poop, but she has to stay in the bathroom to do it. Once done, clean up and put the Underoos back on, all in the bathroom. Reward and praise the child for asking for a diaper in time and getting the entire job done in the appropriate room. That’s a big first step.
A few weeks later, praise and reward happen when she poops in the diaper while sitting (comfortably), on the potty with the diaper on. After she is finished, commence with clean up and changing back into big kid underwear. Second big hurdle crossed.
Next, cut a small hole in the diapers without your child knowing. Now, when the child goes in the diaper on the toilet, say “See? You just pooped on the potty! The poop fell right in. You did it!” Praise ensues. Over the course of a few days, increase the size of the hole until your child doesn’t need that support. Note: Some kids need the “belt” of the diaper around their waist to go. That’s OK.
[Read: Slide Safety: How to Protect Your Toddler From a Broken Leg.]
Bottom line: Break down the pooping process into achievable chunks. Make sure the poop is soft. Get into comfortable habits. Gain the confidence. Over the course of a few weeks, the vast majority of kids will be able to poop on the potty. Then get the crayons and scissors ready — preschool here we come!
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How to Get Your Toddler to Poop in the Potty originally appeared on usnews.com
