In short order your teen will be finished with the school year and looking forward to more unstructured time, fun with friends, shorts, bikinis, flirting and thoughts of a summer romance. Whether you have a son or a daughter, now is the time to start chatting about important things to keep in mind regarding safely dating, self-care and respect for others.
Actually, dating in the teen years can be a great source of practice to grow into the ability to have and appreciate a mature relationship one day. It is an opportunity for older kids to learn something about what they like in a potential partner, what really matters to them, allowing themselves to be emotionally vulnerable and reaping the benefits of shared intimacy as well as how to cope with the pain of rejection and loss.
[Read: 5 Ways to Help Teens Set Boundaries With Friends.]
However, your boys and girls do need information and guidance when it comes to navigating rising hormone levels and their increased sex drives and interacting with people who may have different ideas than their own. First and foremost, talk to your teen about empathy and treating others with respect. Teens can be very self-referential and forget to consider how their actions and words are affecting others. In dating, it’s important to ask yourself, “How would this make me feel if I were in their shoes?” Talk about being kind and expecting kindness, and teach your kids that if someone is treating them poorly, to walk away from the relationship and to have self-respect.
Teen girls particularly, in their longing to have a boyfriend, are susceptible to doing more sexually than they want to and allowing controlling, even abusive, behavior. They may not realize what’s happening without a parent explaining that a boy who isolates them from their friends, tells them what to wear and who to talk to, or is extremely jealous is waving the red flags of abuse. Both boys and girls need to understand they should never feel pushed into doing things (sex, alcohol or drugs or engaging in other risky activities) they don’t really want to do by someone who purportedly cares for them. This is not real caring. Discuss consent — what it means, why it’s critically important to both ask for consent and to receive consent when being intimate with another, and the circumstances under which a person is incapable of consenting. This is a matter of safety for both boys and girls.
[Read: Would You Know If Your Teen Was in an Abusive Relationship?]
While you may choose to say that you hope your teen will not be sexually active, it’s still important to provide your child with the knowledge needed to protect against sexually transmitted diseases and prevent pregnancy. You can hope they will uphold your value system, but at the end of the day you don’t want your teen to put themselves in harm’s way. It is very possible to give teens the information to protect themselves while maintaining that you feel strongly they should wait for sex, if you indeed do. Having unprotected sex with one partner exposes a teen to STDs that individual may have gotten from any previous partner. In addition, states have ages of consent below which what may be viewed by willing partners of different ages as consensual sex is considered to be statutory rape, and this is information both boys and girls need to know.
Discuss dating safety as well. This includes telling teens they shouldn’t be alone with someone they don’t know very well, that they should always let someone else know where they’re going, and if they have a drink, to watch it at all times — or to throw it out if they haven’t been able to do so. Also, encourage teens to say “no” or otherwise make their wishes explicitly known if they ever feel uncomfortable or don’t like where things are going. Even though the legal drinking age is 21, many teens do drink alcohol, which diminishes inhibitions, and this can lead to less ability to think about what they do and do not want to do. Rather than making a blanket statement of “don’t drink alcohol,” talk to your teen about the effects of alcohol on decision-making and the potential consequences of those poor decisions.
[See: 10 Ways to Broach the Subject of Sex With Your Teen.]
If you have these discussions with your teen, it will make it clear to your child that he or she can come to you with questions or concerns. Let your teen know, even if he or she makes a mistake, you are there for the child to provide support and help. The more information you convey in a calm and non-embarrassed way, the more normalized the idea of discussing it all will be. A summer romance can be a wonderful, life-changing and maturing experience, especially fortified by information that will keep your teen and his or her “bae” safe.
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The Talk You Should Have With Your Teen Before Summer Starts originally appeared on usnews.com
