I am fortunate to know many amazing, accomplished women. My friends include doctors, lawyers, professors and writers. Many of them have gone to “the best” schools and make a handsome income. On top of all of this, they are mothers to some impressive kids who are on their way to significant accomplishments of their own.
[See: 10 Ways to Raise a Giving Child.]
You’d think these women would glow with confidence; that their successes would outweigh any superficial hangups they have about the way they look. After all, isn’t poor body image just a teenage issue?
Sadly, as I’ve learned in my research and when talking to these women one-on-one, it’s not. In fact, researchers have long described a “normative discontent” among women — the idea that body dissatisfaction is so common it’s normal. That rings true among my peers, who tell me they wish they could lose 5 to 10 pounds. They’ll joke about the toll having babies has taken on their bodies. They wish they had appreciated their bodies in their 20s — they thought they were imperfect then, but they are worse off now that aging has set in, they say. These women are killing it in so many ways, but they still wish they looked a lot more like the young, lean Cindy Crawford whom they grew up admiring. To ask them what they like about their bodies feels a little bit like asking the average person about the weather on Mars.
Does it have to be this way? Fortunately, no. Experiments suggest that it is possible to nurture positive body image. According to Meghan Gillen, an associate professor of psychology at Penn State, body positivity can begin when people learn to think about things they are grateful for about their bodies. However, “this may require a shift in our collective mindset because our culture encourages us to think about what we don’t like about our bodies,” she says.
[See: 7 Ways to Boost Poolside Confidence Without Changing Your Body.]
So until our culture changes (don’t hold your breath), you can work to improve your body image by taking research-backed steps outlined in “Body Positive: Understanding and Improving Body Image in Science and Practice,” a soon-to-be-published book I co-edited with Gillen and Beth Daniels, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Colorado. In working on it, we found that some women may benefit from working with a counselor. Others may find that a regular exercise regimen can help to nurture a sense of physical strength, resilience and a greater focus on what their bodies can do, not just what they look like. Preliminary research suggests that yoga and meditation can also help women feel more connected to their bodies.
One thing that may be most beneficial in encouraging positive body image is “protective filtering.” In other words, women need to work on ignoring the media (and other social messages) that encourage unrealistic standards of beauty. That magazine in the check-out line: Just don’t pick it up. That link for unnecessary beauty products: Don’t click on it. That friend complaining about her figure: Don’t engage in the conversation. That Instagram star showing off her slim post-baby body: Unfollow.
[See: 6 People You Need to Stop Following on Instagram.]
You can also work on reframing how you think about these issues. “We need to value our bodies, whatever their appearance or capabilities,” Daniels says. “The body houses the spirit.” Yes, a woman may l ook different after she delivers a child, but she gave life to another human being! A woman may not be perfect, but those “imperfections” are often the very things that make them unique and beautiful to the people around them.
Cultural change can be extremely slow, and I don’t know of anyone studying or writing about body positivity who thinks we’re going to convince women to embrace their flawed bodies overnight. But trying to is important because “positive body image is predictive of better health and well-being overall,” Gillen says. It’s not just about how we look — or even how we feel about how we look. It’s about cultivating a sense of connectedness with and care for our bodies. We only get one body; we can spend our lives at war with it, or we can cherish it. As women, we need to stop feeling held back by our bodies and start feeling empowered by them.
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How Grown Women Can Boost Their Body Image originally appeared on usnews.com
