Last year I was presenting a workshop for parents in my hometown and was surprised to see a particular father in the audience. His kids were clearly successful, always earning well-deserved academic accolades and recognized as hardworking and responsible. So, after my speech I sought him out. “You’ve raised eight extraordinary kids,” I said. “What did you do that might explain why they are so successful?”
The father paused to reflect. “Well, there is one thing I remember doing since my kids were young,” he said. “I’d ask each child, ‘What’s your goal for this month?’ Then we’d talk for a few minutes about how they could attain it. Then I’d ask how they were doing, and if they needed any help. I guess our little talks helped my kids focus on what they wanted to achieve, and usually they were successful.”
[Read: How to Make SMARTER Goals When Working With Kids.]
Dozens of studies validate the father’s words: Goal-setting is one of the traits that’s most highly correlated with being a peak performer and a successful person. But goal-setting isn’t just for grown-ups: it can also enhance children’s motivation, focus, self-discipline and self-esteem.
You can help your kids learn this integral skill for success using these four steps:
1. Define goal-setting. One of the easiest ways to explain goals is to link the term to something children are familiar with such as a sport. You might say, “A goal is a target or something you shoot for just like a hockey or soccer player. Planning what you want to achieve or get better at in school, at home, with friends or even in your job is called goal-setting and it helps you succeed.”
Then teach this simple goal-setting formula: “Goals usually start with ‘I will’ and have two parts — that is, what you want to accomplish and when you hope to accomplish it.”
Whenever possible, model setting and achieving a goal to help your child see the formula being applied successfully. It needn’t be a grand goal either; it’s important to demonstrate setting everyday goals, too. Suppose you find your laundry piled high. You might say aloud, “I will get these clothes washed by 6 o’clock.” Your kids will hear your plan and see goal-setting in action.
[Read: The ‘Yes-Brain’ Approach to Parenting and Life.]
2. Identify a goal. Discuss with your kids their dreams and aspirations, and write them down. The possibilities are endless: improving grades, behavior, friendships, money management, athletic or academic performance, developing a hobby or interest, learning a new skill. Reread the list and help each child select one or two wishes. The goal must be within your child’s ability and be realistic. If it’s not, you might want to help your child choose another goal. Then help him frame it using the goal formula, stating what he will do and by when — say, “I will get at least 9 out of 10 spelling words right on my spelling test this week.”
Establish a time frame that is realistic for your child. Some children need to set even shorter term goals to the end of the hour or a day, such as finishing a simple school project, reading a page a night, cleaning a closet, raking leaves, picking up toys or making a bed without reminders.
3. Think through steps to success. The next step is to help your child think through how he will succeed. It helps if kids write down or draw their course of action. Help your child write or draw on sticky notes the tasks he must do to achieve his goal. After he’s finished, help him put those tasks in the order of when he will do them. Staple the notes together. Then have him tear off a note as each task is completed until none remain.
After that, your child needs to identify all the people or things required for goal attainment. Suppose she wants to improve her running time. People might include her coach to discuss running techniques, Dad to help her practice and Mom to drive her to the track. The things she needs might include a stopwatch to time her speed and graph paper to list her running times.
4. Track goal progress and celebrate success. Hang your children’s goals on a wall to remind them of their intentions. Older kids could take a photo of their goal to post as a screen saver. Pointing out their efforts will motivate them to keep trying: “Look how much closer you’re getting to your goal!” And if the goal is too hard, too easy or a step or resource was overlooked, just revise the plan so attainment is possible.
[See: 10 Ways to Raise a Giving Child.]
Nothing is more affirming to children than succeeding at goals they’ve worked so hard to achieve. You might provide a small notebook to log each goal achievement or celebrate the accomplishment by going out for a family “victory dinner.” Then, help your kids set their next goal and the next, and they’ll learn how to work toward making their dreams come true.
More from U.S. News
6 Ways to Help Kids Combat Materialism
10 Ways to Broach the Subject of Sex With Your Teen
10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health
How to Teach Kids Goal-Setting and Perseverance originally appeared on usnews.com
