Love may or may not be in the air, but it’s been in the news a lot lately, with the recent engagement of Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle. If you’re half of an engaged couple, you may naturally find yourself drawn to their love story and wonder how these two crazy kids are going to make it on their own.
OK, they probably will end up doing just fine. But what about you? Have you discussed joint bank accounts? Or one of you getting life insurance? Or where you’re going to live, and how you’re going to pay off those student loans and credit card debt? Plenty of people aren’t comfortable talking about money, and it may seem presumptuous to discuss how you’ll spend money in a marriage if nobody’s popped the question yet.
It’s understandable if you haven’t talked much about money yet, but once you’re engaged, you’ve run out of excuses. When you do the money talk, you’ll want to have a conversation about these five topics.
[See: 6 Ways to Treat Yourself on a Budget.]
Money secrets. Actually, it’s well past the time to discuss anything big you’ve been holding back, like thousands of dollars of credit card debt or back taxes or whatever financial skeletons you’re hiding. But if you are still hiding something, the sooner you bring it up, so you can start fixing the problems together, the better.
“Now is also the time to disclose any ghosts in the closet, so to speak, like debt, student loans and credit scores,” says Brandon Redman, a financial planner with Securian Advisors Northwest in Seattle.
This isn’t easy to discuss, which is why you may want to try something that Redman says he has seen newly engaged couples do: Go on a money date, where you go out for an evening with the specific goal of talking about money.
Bank accounts. Many financial experts suggest keeping bank accounts and money separate even once you’re married, but once you’ve exchanged wedding vows, Redman makes a persuasive argument for going the conventional route and combining your income as long as there isn’t a compelling reason not to.
“When money is kept separate, the arguments around, ‘That’s your bill to pay,’ or, ‘This is my income, so I’ll spend it how I want,’ can be truly destructive,” he says. “Having some, or all, of your income deposited into a joint checking or savings account can create a financial relationship that is more like a partnership versus an adversarial standoff.”
So while you don’t have to do anything now, you may want to start discussing which bank you want to use, unless you both use the same one.
[See: 12 Ways to Be a More Mindful Spender.]
Your financial goals. After all, what if you both have completely opposite financial goals? Better to learn and discuss your financial expectations, hopes and dreams now, according to Colette Lopane-Capella, a licensed mental health counselor and couples’ therapist with a private practice in Larchmont, New York and the Bronx.
She suggests talking about your goals for the future, if you haven’t yet. Some of the questions you should be asking, she says, include: Do you want to invest? Do you want to buy a home? Do you want kids, and does one of you want to be a stay-at-home parent?
“All of these questions are so essential for couples to discuss,” Lopane-Capella says.
There’s no right or wrong answer, but you need to talk about them — and you may want to start putting money away now for some of the goals. For instance, if you want kids, why not start a college fund now? Or you may want to buy a life insurance policy for both of you or make sure you both have retirement accounts set up.
Who the banker in the family will be. Maybe you’ll divvy up the bills, where one of you is in charge of paying the mortgage and utilities while the other takes on the credit card payments and phone. Or maybe one of you pays all of the bills every month. But whatever the plan is, you’ll want to discuss some of this beforehand, if you want things to go smoothly later.
Still, for the big stuff, ideally you both will be involved, says Martha Menard, a financial wellness coach based out of Charleston, South Carolina.
“While I’m the CFO for my family and manage our longer term financial planning, my husband and I sit down once a month and go over where we are currently, and plan for the following month. We do the same thing from an annual perspective when we file taxes,” Menard says.
She adds that you may want to each have a set amount of money that you each can spend in a given amount of time, without the other’s involvement. Menard says that she and her husband do that.
“No questions asked and no judgment,” she says. But she adds that anything purchased over that set amount should be a joint decision.
[See: 7 Signs Your Romantic Partner Is Financially Unstable.]
Your wedding. We’ve saved the first money-related thing you’ll end up discussing for last. Your wedding day may be the most magical day of your life, but it also has the potential to be your most expensive, and so this is a swell springboard in which to start discussing money. Will your wedding be big? Small? Somewhere in between? Are you paying? Your parents? Your future in-laws? And if you are paying, how much are you both willing to pay, and if you don’t have the money you need, what then?
These can be stressful questions to ask and answer, but they have to be tackled; that wedding isn’t going to plan and pay itself.
” Don’t go into debt planning your wedding,” advises Ryan Worthen, who runs Reel Special Productions with his wife, Brittany, in Lexington, Kentucky. They’re wedding videographers and also do pre-marriage mentoring.
“We’ve had clients take out loans to pay for our services,” Worthen says. And while he surely appreciates that gesture, Worthen says couples need to be careful that they don’t hock their future.
“As much as someone may treasure having an amazing wedding video, I doubt their retirement will be as luxurious as their wedding,” he says.
But here’s the good news. If you can plan your wedding and manage the money part of it without considering a divorce before the wedding, you two crazy kids probably have a long future ahead of you.
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5 Important Financial Discussions to Have When You’re Engaged originally appeared on usnews.com
