Single mom-led families are headed towards the statistical majority of families. Fifty-seven percent of millennial moms are unmarried, and those two-parent, heterosexual “nuclear” families have made up less than half of all families in this country for a few years.
Given that shift, and the demands that come with being a single mom, it’s worth thinking about the importance of taking care of ourselves. Though, to be sure, this advice applies to all moms. Here are a few things I would suggest:
Stop feeling guilty about working and go make a lot of money.
Guilt is useless, and after age 2, kids don’t benefit from more hours with their parents, University of Maryland researchers found. Having mothers who work benefits kids financially, emotionally and in terms of providing a professional example for them. So, go work. Earn, achieve and take pride in being an awesome role model for your kids.
[Read: How Successful Single Moms Tackle the Challenge of Raising Teenagers.]
Prioritize your health.
You can get your cardio, strength training and stretching in at home, at any hour of the day. Despite headlines to the contrary, healthy eating is easily affordable and you can quickly prepare nutritious meals. Get your mammograms, Pap tests, checkups and dental exams regularly. Try to find workouts you enjoy, maybe with people you like to hang out with. You will feel better. You won’t feel guilty for not doing these things. You’ll be a great role model for your kids — who will worry less about having to take care of you as you age.
Prioritize your romantic and sex life.
This can look like whatever you want it to look like. Scads of research finds that sex is good for every part of your physical, mental and emotional health. Good sex is even better! Single moms deserve all these benefits, too. Duh. Unfortunately, the world tries to shame single moms into either celibacy for the sake of their poor children living in a broken home, or pressure them to remarry for the sake of giving their kids the “normal” family they deserve. Whatever. Don’t be a martyr when it comes to your sex life. You do you, but make your personal life a priority. You are an adult woman with romantic and sexual needs you deserve to fulfill. Enjoy!
[Read: Dating as a Single Parent: After the Kids Go to Bed.]
It’s OK to do nothing.
I often meet moms — single moms in particular — who are always crazed. This is their identity. Ask them how they are. “Busy!” they say. “It’s been nuts!” It doesn’t have to be nuts. You live in a time of unprecedented wealth. You have access to so much technology designed to help make life easier. You don’t get an award for doing the most stuff each day or hitting a high mark on the overwhelmed meter. It’s fine to do nothing. It’s good to stay home on a weekend and just read a magazine, and let the kids fend for their own entertainment. There’s lots of research on the crippling downside to overscheduling kids. Children sorely need downtime and to be bored and to figure out how to keep themselves occupied, challenged and play well with one another. The more they know how to do this, the more free time you’ll have to do whatever you want!
It’s not just about work-life balance.
You are a whole woman with many parts to your being: physical, social, emotional, spiritual and creative. You have professional and financial pursuits, and needs to be part of a community and to contribute.
[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]
When you honor and nurture all of those parts of you, you are a happier, healthier woman, a more dynamic mother modeling a full and meaningful life, not just for her kids, but for everyone who knows you. When you are healthy with a wide support network, interesting hobbies and a dynamic career, everyone around you is inspired and reaps the rewards. You are changing your family’s life, and you are changing what others assume is possible for single moms, themselves and women everywhere.
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Self-Care for Single Moms originally appeared on usnews.com
