There are about 85,000 licensed psychologists in the U.S., according to the American Psychological Association. How do you know which one is right for you?
If you’re happy with the relationship you have developed and are seeing the results you and your therapist expected in the time frame you planned, then the match seems to be a good one. But that isn’t a given when you begin psychotherapy. If things aren’t going as planned, or you feel like the connection between you and your therapist is off, it might be time to make a change.
Of course, if you think the therapy isn’t going well, chances are the therapist thinks that, too. So the first step, the APA suggests, is to talk to your therapist about it. He or she should be willing to discuss what you aren’t happy with and how to get on a better course of treatment. The APA says it might also be worthwhile to get a second opinion from another therapist about your condition and treatments, though you should tell your current therapist that you’re doing so.
If, after that, you’re still unhappy, it may be time to try someone new. Talk over the reasons for your desire to find a new therapist with your current therapist. He or she may be able to refer you to someone who fits your needs, and will most likely encourage you to keep trying psychotherapy. The therapist will not take this change personally. Therapists know that what they call the “therapeutic alliance” between therapist and patient is critical for success, and will wish you nothing but best wishes as you move on in your journey.
[See: What Kind of Therapist — and Which Type of Therapy — Is Right for You?]
All of this sounds reasonable and simple, and it would be if we were talking about a physical illness. But depression is different. Those with depression often feel overwhelmed and unable to make decisions or take action. They may blame themselves for “failing” at their first try at therapy. Giving up is far easier than pushing through. Experts have suggestions to overcome those feelings and make a productive change in therapists.
How to ‘Break Up’ With a Therapist
How do you tell your therapist you aren’t happy with the results? “My advice would be to do so honestly, directly and constructively,” says Alison Ross, a psychologist and adjunct associate professor at City College of New York. “Therapists are people, too, so the more calmly and clearly you approach the issue, the greater the likelihood that the conversation you’re having with him will have a positive outcome — whether that’s getting the therapist to see where she or he is falling short, or agreeing that you and your therapist are not a good match, or seeing what you are doing that may be getting in the way of your making better use of the therapy sessions.”
She acknowledges that it’s difficult to start over with a new therapist, but that many people need to try more than one therapist until they find the right match. Along with a referral from your current therapist, you might find another therapist by asking a friend, family member or trusted colleague if they know someone they think highly of, Ross says. Another option is the website psychologytoday.com, which has an easy link to find psychologists by ZIP code. “I would also recommend meeting with a number of different therapists — to ‘shop around’ and, in essence, interview each therapist to see who you click with,” Ross says.
[See: How to Find the Best Mental Health Professional for You.]
That interview may take place by phone, by making an appointment for a short consultation or during a full first session. The APA suggests asking the therapist practical questions, including:
— How many years have you been practicing?
— What are your areas of expertise?
— Do you have experience helping people with symptoms or problems like mine?
— Will you accept my health insurance or employee assistance program?
— Are you available at convenient days and times?
It may also be helpful to ask about what type of therapy the therapist practices, such as cognitive behavioral, psychodynamic, Gestalt or mindfulness-oriented therapy. “But I’m not sure knowing what their orientation is all that useful unless it’s asked in the context of their explaining as specifically as possible how they would go about helping you work on the problem for which you’re seeking treatment,” she adds. Dr. Sue Varma, a psychiatrist and clinical assistant professor at the NYU Langone School of Medicine, adds that, “The reality is that most skilled and experienced therapists will be familiar with several [types of therapy], have training in at least one or two and will draw from knowledge across many different types.”
Along with gathering practical information, patients should be considering the more emotional aspects of the interview. “During your first meeting you can ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel comfortable talking to this person? Are they understanding me, and what I’m saying? Do they seem interested and invested in getting to know me? Are their comments thoughtful and on target?” Ross says. In addition, the APA points out that: “While you’re assessing a psychologist, he or she will also be assessing you. To ensure that psychotherapy is successful, the psychologist must determine whether there’s a good match when it comes to personality as well as professional expertise.” The therapist may feel the fit isn’t right for any number of reasons, and may refer you to another therapist with a different skill set.
[See: 9 Ways to Fight Loneliness.]
In the end, choosing a therapist is a very personal decision, Varma says. “One can feel very vulnerable going into therapy, and feeling safe is key,” Varma says. “In my experience, feeling seen, heard, validated and empathized with are necessary components of the therapeutic relationship.”
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Should You Break Up With Your Therapist? originally appeared on usnews.com
