It’s no secret that public body shaming as well as personal forms of bad body talk are rampant in our culture, especially involving the f-word (fat, in this case). Now, there’s a new wrinkle: “old talk, ” a form of speech or conversation that’s related to but also distinct from “fat talk. ” Simply put, old talk reflects anxiety about not measuring up to the youthful component of our culture’s thin-young body ideal. At its heart, old talk reflects anxiety about getting older but especially about looking older. You might hear someone make comments such as “I look so old and haggard,” “Ugh! I hate these wrinkles around my eyes” or “Getting older isn’t pretty! My breasts are sagging, and my belly is getting mushier.”
Engaging in fat talk or old talk has practically become a social sport, as women, in particular, do it over coffee or cocktails or while working out at the gym. They direct it toward their own faces and bodies as well as other people’s appearances. A 2013 study from Trinity University in San Antonio found that 66 percent of women engage in old talk at least occasionally and the frequency increases as women reach the north side of age 46. It’s not surprising given that “we live in a culture that really glorifies youth and that is increasingly oriented toward having products and services that, to some extent, can minimize the appearance of aging,” says lead author Carolyn Becker, a professor of psychology at Trinity. “Aging is treated as a fact of life that should be fought at every turn.”
As it happens, this resistance kicks in at a young age — before people are even old enough to start developing wrinkles. In fact, a study in a 2016 issue of the International Journal of Aging & Human Development found a relationship between body image and aging anxiety among 485 college students. While it’s been around for decades, “the anxiety and the fear surrounding aging have increased,” says lead author Tracey Gendron, a developmental psychologist and associate professor of gerontology at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. “Aging has a real image problem. As a culture, we see it as moving toward a period of decline, and we feel pressure to combat visible signs of aging.”
[Read: Self-Criticism Can Be Psychologically Devastating — How to Overcome It.]
While pressure to fight the aging process also affects men, the emphasis is more on functionality than appearance, experts say. So men are targeted by Viagra ads, while primarily women are invited to Botox parties or are the targets of ads for shapewear or anti-aging creams. “There’s a double standard,” Gendron says. “Men are often considered to look more distinguished as they get older.” Women — not so much.
The Ripple Effects of Bad Body Talk
Besides being a conversational downer, research suggests that engaging in negative body talk is associated with disordered eating behaviors, increased anxiety and depression, low self-esteem, poor health habits and greater body checking or surveillance, which often includes looking in the mirror, weighing yourself and pinching your belly, arms or other body parts. This is particularly worrisome given how prevalent fat talk and old talk are in our culture. “It’s something we promote among ourselves,” Becker says. “It’s something women do as a kind of bonding discourse — albeit an unhealthy one — because they’re commiserating with their friends. It’s a surprisingly safe thing to talk about because everybody’s doing it.”
Indeed, there’s something of a contagious element to this phenomenon: When a friend’s age-related appearance fears and body criticisms of herself or others seep into the conversation, you can end up internalizing those messages and essentially catching her negative feelings and behaviors. In studies “people report feeling pressure to respond to their friends’ body complaints with their own negative body talk, even if they themselves do not feel particularly unhappy with their bodies at the beginning of the conversation,” says Linda Lin, an associate professor of psychology at Emmanuel College in Boston.
[Read: Could You Unknowingly Have an Eating Disorder?]
It turns out that participating in the conversation has a more harmful effect than simply listening to it. In a study published in a 2017 issue of the journal Eating Disorders, researchers at Emmanuel College found that women who verbally contributed to conversations involving fat talk had a stronger drive for thinness, greater body dissatisfaction and higher dietary restraint than those who simply listened to friends engaged in fat talk. The reason: “Verbally talking about your own body complaints requires you to identify and publicly discuss aspects of your body that you are unhappy with — this is a deeper engagement with the ways in which you’re unhappy with your body and [it] highlights the ways in which your body does not measure up to societal or personal standards,” study co-author Lin explains. “This deeper engagement may lead to greater body dissatisfaction at the end of the conversation, even if you did not feel that unhappy with your body at the start of it.”
What to Do About It
The first step to changing this behavior is to become aware of old talk or fat talk when it happens. “Try to catch yourself when you reflexively disparage your body,” Lin advises, then redirect your thoughts or comments in a more positive direction. You might focus on what you’ve achieved as you’ve gotten older or what you like about yourself as you get older — perhaps that you have more overall confidence, a better understanding of yourself or a more insightful perspective on the world. “Also, when evaluating your own body, try to think in terms of health and function — ‘Is my body healthy and able to do the things I want it to do?’ — rather than based on appearance,” Lin suggests.
It’s also wise to shift your vocabulary in a kinder, more compassionate direction. If you find yourself thinking or saying that you feel “old, ” challenge yourself to think critically about this knee-jerk label and see if you can find a more accurate or specific word. “Take the judgment away and say what you really mean, not what’s convenient,” Gendron says. Instead of saying, “I feel old, “ ask yourself if what you really mean is “I feel tired” or “I feel stressed.” Similarly, if you catch yourself describing someone as having “a youthful spirit,” consider whether you really mean the person is lively, vibrant, energetic or engaged.
[Read: Emotional States That Are Often Confused for Each Other.]
Meanwhile, when old talk or fat talk happen conversationally, try to gently shut it down. When a friend complains about looking old and haggard, you might say, “You may not realize this but what you just said is called old talk,” Becker suggests, and point out that it’s not good for her or you. Or when someone complains about her wrinkles, you could respond with a comment like, “I feel lucky that I got most of my wrinkles from smiling, so I’m going to hold onto them.” It’s really a matter of “learning to look at things differently,” Becker adds.
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Old Talk: The New Brand of Body Bashing originally appeared on usnews.com
